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24-09-2022 08:09 PM
24-09-2022 08:09 PM
Sometimes it feels like there is no light
I've worked very hard through 5 grueling years of therapy, and I am still alone. As each loss happens in my life, I only become more alone. Domestic abuse has been a shadow over my childhood and early adult life. As a child, I never wanted a family because I believed it was emotional torture, as was my family of origin. People tell me there is more than this lonely pain and I want a family to make up for the shoddy one I had growing up. Briefly I thought I found it with a partner who decided he couldn't like me romantically (after 2 months of telling me the opposite). I guess I'm not attractive or good enough. I thought I'd found the light at the end of this long tunnel, but it never comes! It feels like the mental health professionals have all told me a lie. I am still alone and I am still in pain. Why am I not worth love? I first asked this as a child and I've never found the answer. Why are others loved and I am not loved? It seems like I'll never be loved. I don't know how many times a heart can break and be put back together. Maybe I just can't put it back together this time.
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24-09-2022 08:44 PM - edited 25-09-2022 11:17 PM
24-09-2022 08:44 PM - edited 25-09-2022 11:17 PM
Re: Sometimes it feels like there is no light
TEARS
Broken hearts, shattered dreams, fragments of hope that fall as tears.
Loneliness is strange as does not require absence of people but only their attention.
You may be in a room alone and I in a room with many yet there is no difference.
Without communication, understanding and a bit of faith nobody can move on to love.
If your partner is a friend you have something that others do not have despite love or hate.
You may have something that I do not have despite having a family.
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24-09-2022 09:49 PM
24-09-2022 09:49 PM
Re: Sometimes it feels like there is no light
I was passing through and want you to know that I hear what you are saying @M_P90 . I'm not sure I have much to offer tonight, but I hope to check-in tomorrow.
For tonight, please take care. You are not unloveable. Hang in there.
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24-09-2022 10:18 PM
24-09-2022 10:18 PM
Re: Sometimes it feels like there is no light
Hey @M_P90
You are more than your abuse and it does not define you.
you are enough and you do deserve love.
I think one day you will find your companionship.
Some things are out of our control (like who will love us back), many things are still in our control. You can control the way you treat yourself, you can learn to cherish and respect yourself. You can have a loving relationship with yourself first and foremost. This is a goal worthy of striving towards.
By the way, sounds like you dodged a bullet with your ex partner. Sounds like a dishonest and confused person. Not what you need. You need stability, love and genuineness.