Lived Experience Forum

[Floyd-Strummer]

 Hello again everyone, 

A few weeks ago I made a post here regarding OCD, and I got a lot of helpful advice from people that I am grateful for. I've yet to see my Headspace pyschologist about it yet, but I will do my best to hand her a piece of paper that has written on it what I want to talk about, just in case I get intimidated to say it myself. 

Anyways, another problem brings me here today, something I've struggled with for the past year and a half. According to my psychologist, I may suffer from a mild - moderate depression. To this day I am prone to loneliness, sleeping problems, feelings of worhlessness, laziness and of course, my intrusive thoughts that would never shut up. Earlier this year it was worse, with thoughts of suicide constantly plaguing my mind (probably due to my obsessive thoughts). 

This time last year (New Years Eve) I promised myself that I would seek help for what it was that was bothering me. This time last year, I felt hope that I would overcome this. Today though, I don't feel that way. Today, I feel like I am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life, that I am not going to amount to anything, that I will not connect with other human beings as intimiately and deeply as I want to. And that is when I am seeking help. 

The most prominent feeling I have felt throughout this year and a half old depression (it's possibly older than that) is loneliness. Sometimes it feels like an invisible brick wall cuts me off from everyone else, preventing me from forming true bonds with anyone. I feel like my family and friends do not care about my mental health; my family is aware of it but barely checks up on me. My brother (who is overseas) told me that he would check up on me and asked my sister to do so regularly as well. That was five months ago, and my brother has only checked on me a couple of times and my sister has not asked me how I am doing once. Also, my mum had to get a referall to continue my sessions with the psychologist. We got the referral about a month ago and she has yet to give it to the psychologist because she says 'she keeps forgetting' and that I should be the one to remind her. That hit me hard, because it made me feel like my mental health was not her top priority. My parents also say that I can come to them with any issue, but I know that isn't true, because when I do my dad always puts on a judgemental tone which makes me feel like dirt. Also, when my brother came to my parents for help, he ended up getting kicked out of the house. 

As for my 'friends', I question the validity of our friendships. Just today I tried to talk to one friend about how I felt today, and it flew right over his head, and he talked about what he was doing instead. That especially hurt me, because it made me feel that maybe no one in this world wants to hear my problems. With my other friends, I want to tell them so badly about what has happened to me (not one of them knows I have depression and OCD) but I find it so hard to bring up in casual conversation, and I think some of them might be to immature to take it seriosly. I also constantly think about what the basis of my friendships consist of, whether they are deep or superficial. I feel most of them are the latter, which makes me question if I truly even have any friends. 

I guess what brings me here are these questions: how do I cope with all this loneliness and anguish when I feel so alienated and estranged from everyone around me? How do I connect with anyone who I feel isn't willing to truly get to know me? Am I doomed to this depression and loneliness for the rest of my life? Will I never connect with anyone in an intimate way where I can express my inner emotions without fear of judgement, because I feel I cannot even do that with my family.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Floyd-Strummer

Dealing with serious mental health issues can scare some people or make them feel awkward.  When I was 19 I remember going to a school friend in hospital after an attempt. I was deeply shocked, and empathised all I could but I could not change her life.  

Family are tricky and so are friends when mental health issues arise.  Dont question them too hard as it takes time to come to terms with the needs of each person in our life.  Try and let it be gradual and eventually you will know who can cope or who cant.  There may be different reasons why they cant.  Eg., enough on their own plate.

You might like to pop over to the NYE party thread to get to know some more people.

Take care

Apple

[Floyd-Strummer]

My family have known for quite some time now. They seem to avoid addressing my mental health issues and do not pay much attention to it.

I feel like I've been completely on my own for the last 1.5 years... I've waited for someone other than my psychologist to help me with this... A complete and utter loneliness that I feel will never go away.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Floyd-Strummer 🙂

I don't think we have met yet, I'm Pebbles 🙂

It's great to hear that you have found having contact within the forums to have been helpful in answering some questions 🙂 There's so much kindnes, support and knowledge rocking around in here. I wonder if this might be a place where you can begin to feel more support and linked in somewhere?

I'm imagining that you are working on these things with your psychologist too? Great to hear you are seeing someone. 

There are some more social spaces if you'd like to try them out here- with threads ranging form good morning to jokes and a community garden etc. 

Using the @ button to tag members names also ensures taht they get a notification that you are chatting with them 🙂

Using the search bar can also be helpful for looking for certain key words or topics. I just found this Topic Tuesday on young adults where we had a guest from ReachOut.

I've seen @outlander and @MDT in the under 30's thread here too which might be of interest to you.

Hope you have a good weekend 🙂

[MDT]

@Floyd-Strummer
hey there and welcome to the forums

@Former-Member is right.. there is actually an under 30s thread that exists (which i made up to get people in similar positions to help each other) so feel free to jump on there. I'll tag you on that one.
I'll tag you on my own post too because there are some similar things you have spoken about. Maybe you can relate to what I said on that.

In regards to your questions here?
In terms of feeling lonely.. there is a difference between loneliness and isolated. Do you think you are just lonely or are you isolated? What do you do atm? study? work?

I guess i approach getting to know people with the mindset of what i would do in their position. Always ask them questions (people love to talk about themselves) and get to to know them. I guess people aren't truly willing to know someone if they get certain 'vibes' which has happened to me but in the end no two people are the same. I guess the best thing we can do there is not to approach it with a mindset that says others aren't willing to get to know me.. that isn't helpful in my own experience.
Are you doomed? No. No one is. Things can and DO change. Someone once told me 51% of life is luck and 49% is what we do. It's basically a case of trying to adjust it by 2% to make our efforts the greater contributor to our lives.
connection in an intimiate way? yeh well I'm 24 and only had my first kiss like a month or so ago and went on a date and then that was it. that's the only relationship/intimate/romance I have ever had lol. But these things come in time. We must learn to judge ourselves by our own standards.
In terms of family, what is your scenario like ?

Also, if you see a psych maybe raise this stuff with them too ?