Oscillation between two mind sets

[creative_writer]

Is it ever justifiable to engage in SH (if done safely) to express emotions when words don't exist

[Jynx]

@creative_writer  hey hun, are you safe atm?

Could depend who you're trying to justify it to. It's pretty morally grey I think. However, I'm not sure if it actually is a form of emotional expression, more like a form of external regulation. And one that can and often does result in further dysregulation when things like shame and regret begin to factor in. It's a tricky topic, for sure.

I'm curious what you mean by 'done safely' - for instance, I've heard of things like snapping a rubber band against skin, or crunching ice cubes in mouth, as methods of avoiding other types of SH by still stimulating pain receptors. Is that what you mean? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I have a lot of pent up frustration, I don’t know what to do with it, or how to express it, I’m lost for words. I just know I feel like shit right now. I feel like maybe it’ll help me release and get me through this. I’ve had thoughts about doing worse things too, it seemed like the less worse thing to do.

I haven’t actually tried rubber bands and ice to be honest. I could, but I’m not sure if it’ll be enough. I was talking about SH in a way that won’t require medical attention

[Jynx]

Ultimately it is your decision @creative_writer. All I can do is encourage you to utilise your other coping skills first, and perhaps reflect on other times you've SH'ed and whether the consequences were worth it.

I don't personally think there's a way to engage in SH that is completely 'safe'. And even if it doesn't require medical attention, there's still risk to both mind and body. 

If you think a distraction could help, let me know - more than happy to chat to you about stuff, help pass the time ya know? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I know there are consequences. I think I have affected my sense of feeling on my arm from past self harm and it leaves scars. I haven’t ever needed medical attention, but I know the risk is there. I just utterly feel lost and broken. I’ve taken PRN which usually does the trick, but still feel shit right now.

I hope your day has been better than mine 💖

[Jynx]

That's pretty heavy @creative_writer and nerve damage is intense - my partner has nerve damage in their hand and speaks of how much it affects them. But they can predict storms though (due to air pressure changes making their hands hurt lol) so that's cool? 

I hope the prn kicks in soon hun. Just about surfing that wave till then eh? I'm sorry that you're feeling so low - I wish I could change that for you, but alas best I can do is send some hugs and offer comforting chats 🫂💜

My day has been solidly average - just went to the chemist, picked up some rice for my dhal, and now finding more layers to pop on cos the cold is really setting in! 

What have you been up to today?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx nerve pain doesn’t sound so good. It didn’t result in pain, but it just doesn’t feel the same as my other arm. Remember when I said I was experiencing numbness in my arm a while back, it’s the same arm. It never occurred to be it could be SH related to until now.

I haven’t been up to much. Probably put a lot of clothes on once my dad takes his out so I can wash mine. I’ll probably just put my clothes into the wash and put them on in the morning so nobody steals the machine. My mum forgets otherwise and she starts washing clothes 😂. She’s not even supposed to, she fell recently 😔.

I’ll probably have dinner soon, probably have some chicken and will probably have some sort of vegetable with it. My stomach hasn’t been behaving with GERD so will try to keep it light. I have a poor appetite on normal days, it’s worse now. What are you having for dinner?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer hmm yeah maybe it just healed funny? Could be worth seeing a GP or physio? 

Ahh the ol' household laundry dance haha. Aww your poor mum, hope she's ok. 

Yeah my reflux has been flaring up - I got too careless and wanted spag bol - too much tomato I think. For dins I'll prolly have some dhal I made - hopefully it will be kinder to my guts, cos I left out all the yummy bits... no garlic or onion, no curry powder, no tomatoes... sigh. It's not bad though, just feels like something is missing. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx maybe I could talk to a GP about it. Thankfully, it no longer feels numb, but the areas I did SH feel a bit strange still.

Laundry just needs to be done or I run out of clothes. I’m pretty regular with my laundry since I hate clothes piling up. I don’t want to run out of my preferred socks, undies and other everyday items. Come to think of it, I think I have some socks that need to be thrown away, I seem to do something to the soles of socks that they start becoming transparent or tear.

Sometimes you do need something more gentle. I just had baked chicken, cucumber and leb bread. Tomatoes are not good for GERD, I also feel like you have to be careful with takeaway. We had takeaway yesterday too, so I just stuck in home cooked food today

[Radarears]

I totally get the release in relation to frustration, emotional pain and mental anguish.

TW Self-harm:

Content/trigger warning

As a child I'd hurt [edited by moderator] myself because the physical pain was a release and easier to bear. I've done other things that cause harm. 

  My thinking and I've shared this with a family member who does same is get a tattoo.  If all it does is make you google images and designs it will distract your mind.  It's very painful, permanent and expensive but it can be an opportunity for self expression in a positive way.  It's also a conversation starter for me that helps me overcome my social anxiety.  People are always willing to discuss their tattoos and the reason they chose that design.