Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Did you see my other post at all @ENKELI?

[ENKELI]

let me look for it

[Birdofparadise8]

All good @ENKELI 

The TS movie is out on Disney. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 my understanding is that when @tyme wrote real or imagined the reference was that whether the rejection is open and blatant and obvious or whether it is more our perception of a situation. Because we didn't know the back story of your interaction with RO mods what you think is rejection is merely protocol. However, now that you have explained the situation I am pretty sure @tyme would reword the response.

I would seriously consider asking about medication for anxiety, even just for emergencies. I know not everyone likes or wants to use meds but I am worried about you and I think you need more than the forum. If the 8 week ban remains in place you are going to need help for when you are alone.

I know how I am when I am anxious from being rejected and it is the most horrible feeling in the world. I can't imagine anything worse when I am having an attack and honestly, the anti-anxiety medication is my saviour.

That is the only advice I will offer from now on because I know that's the last thing you want or need right now.

Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?
When is your next psych appt?

I'm praying for you too 💖

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I guess it's protocol, but I perceive it as rejection. I just get hurt easily. 

I just saw my pdoc on Wednesday. I'm not anxious. I'm just upset. I also don't think I really need it. I was just distressed, and it's coming down.

I'm better now. I'm getting tired. 

I know because normally when people are all gone for the night or even in the day I would go to RO. Which now I won't be able to. 

Yeah, I'll sleep fine. I have a medication that helps with that, hahaha. I don't think my GP would give me anything. I wouldn't sleep without it. 

I will see him on Wednesday, and I have KHL on Monday. 

Do you mean I'm too much to handle or something? I don't have anything else other than SANE now. This is where I'm screwed because I would go to RO for things. "I am worried about you and I think you need more than the forum".

I'm sorry I worry you. I don't want to. I hope I'm not being needy. 

Thank you @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 oh darling girl you are not needy, you have no need to apologise. I am a worrier, it actually helps me with my own MH. If I have other people or things to worry about my MH improves.

I don't think the rejection is perceived in this case, the mods knew how this would affect you and yet they still did it.

You are definitely not too much to handle. What I meant was that you normally have RO and Sane, but with RO taken from you there is going to be time where you will need RO but won't have access to it. I'm probably not explaining myself very well. What I mean is that in the time you spend on RO will you have something to occupy you while you're waiting for the ban to be lifted?

I'd rather be worried about you than not care at all.

I saw Eras was on Disney, I am miffed that I missed it while it was on Foxtel. The Disney version or rather, TV, has extras too I hear.

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I know they did, but I guess it's their rule. When someone else or I breaks them, you get a warning, and then, as you keep doing it, the breaks get longer. I've never had one longer than two weeks, so eight is a lot. I googled the website, and I can't see where they have taken down any of my posts. my football ones are still there, so I really have no clue why they have done this. 

I just wish they would reply. How long would you wait until I send them a follow-up? They are active over the weekend. 

I understand what you mean. That is true. No, I don't have anything else. That's why it's so problematic for me. I don't know how they see this in helping me. It definitely doesn't. Where have I posted it being a good thing? Nowhere. I'm pissed. It's like I'm going through the stages of grief, hahaha. 

When it was on Foxtel, you would have had to pay though. 

I'm playing it in the background, which has helped stop the crying. 

Email

"After much deliberation, we have made the decision to suspend your account on the Youth Forums for 8 weeks and have removed one of your threads due to the multiple guideline breaches that have occurred recently. We understand that this can be very upsetting to hear and from your most recent post, we see that you feel like your emotions might become overwhelming later this evening. During this time, we encourage you to reach out to your existing supports.
Thank you for confirming that you're safe and for sharing that you will be contacting Kids Helpline if you need further support. We're glad to also hear that you enjoyed going to the footy yesterday and that you were able to spend some time with your family.
We will be in contact with you one week before the account suspension is lifted".

I looked, but I don't know what thread they have removed. "multiple breaches," why wouldn't they just talk to me first to see what's going on as to why I'm doing it? Which I'm baffled to know what it is. If it's not about safety or the football, I have no clue. I haven't talked about anything else, and all the new threads are still there. I'm just so confused. They even did it one night when they knew I was upset. Hypothetically, that could push someone over the edge safety-wise. I'm safe, but for others in the same position as me, it could be. @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I let you in on a little secret. I only got Netflix so I could watch the reputation tour and Miss Americana. See what you've done? You've turned me into a Swiftie!! 😅 I am enjoying Netflix though, it's got heaps of other shows I like. Yes I think it was like $25 to watch on Foxtel, above the monthly subscription. I might have to get Disney for a month just to watch eras 😃

What time are they open on Saturday morning? Me personally I would contact them an hour after they'd opened, but I am not very patient when it comes to getting email replies, especially for something like that.

[Birdofparadise8]

Wait I know which one that took down now. I’m not sure why. I said I was safe I don’t know what other guidelines I would have broken. It was about my aunt and the games night. I don’t know what would have been wrong about mentioning that @ENKELI 

Anyway sorry to leave so abruptly I’m very tired. Thank you for chatting with me. Will you be around tomorrow at all? 

hahah your a swifty. Hmm not sure I might wait a bit longer I think 9 am. 
at least I know the post I just don’t know why. I normally can tell why but not this time. 
that thread was made last week why wouldn’t they mention something sooner. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 okay, sleep well.

Glad you worked out which post it was, hopefully you'll wake up to an email from them.

I'll be around tomorrow. I usually have my phone on me so I'll check my mail regularly. I'll be doing some house cleaning and usual boring household stuff.

Talk soon x