My Mosaic

[Bow]

 

I seen my psychologist this morning. I had been expecting her to ask where my head was at in regards to exposure therapy and ceasing it/recommencing it again. But she didn’t ask and I didn’t blurt out hey I wanna pick it up again. Sigh. So it wasn’t discussed. 

We talked about home life and how everyone is coping. And I told her despite ceasing exposure therapy I am still having a lot of intense flashbacks. None of that has changed unfortunately, like she thought it might of. So we did some guided imagery. Anyone familiar with it??? We put together a different ending/ narrative to what actually happened to me. We recorded her telling it and I am to listen to it, especially when I have a flash back and see if it helps. 

im not sure how I feel about this guided imagery. I struggled to do it in session, struggled not to wander and jump ahead to what actually happened. It feels really unnatural. But I will give it a go. 

I shared my journaling and an art piece that I started months ago and was able to put words to it over the weekend. My psychologist really loved it, she got a bit emotional and asked my permission to share it with one of her colleagues that also does a lot of schema therapy. 

 

[hanami]

It's really beautiful @Bow ❤️

[Bow]

So much sad
So much intense SI
Hit me hard
Overwhelming

[Jynx]

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@Bow wrote:

What arty stuff do you do @Jynx ?

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Hey Bow! I missed this one yesterday, but I am back on for this evening. 

I like photography! And also just sort of little projects here and there, sometimes with paint, sometimes like making costume type stuff. I'll share some photos I took the other day! 

(Definitely helps that the waterfalls are so beautiful, hard not to take nice pics hahaha)

Hope you're doing better today Bow 💜

[Jynx]

And I just saw your more recent post @Bow I'm sorry to hear. I will check in with you via email just to see how you're doing. 

[Bow]

Oh they are nice @Jynx we like to go exploring places like that… but I’m too scared of snakes in summer… there are some nice aboriginal water holes local to us. 

not really…. Not doing ok at all

[Captain24]

Wow they are amazing @Jynx!! 

[Shaz51]

hugs and sitting with you @Bow 

we love photography too @Jynx , your photos are wonderful 

[Bow]

Depression is a war

A battle against yourself 

every thought is a bullet

Every movement is a punch 

depression is a theif

it’s stolen everything I was once 

everything left behind a shell of who I was once 

depression is a murder

it k*illes the girl inside

depression is a nightmare

i was up in the hell every day

im afraid of living 

it’s an ocean

a sea of misery

drowning every day

its a bottomless pit

never ending pain

Never ending struggles 

there’s no light

There’s no ending 

there is no escape 

it’s a war

you either win

or die trying 

i think I might surrender as I’ve had enough

[Former-Member]

heya @Bow, this is a beautiful poem. I can see the hurt you are feeling. @Jynx and I are just going to send you a little check-in email ❤️