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Something’s not right

Is meaningful change possible

Re: Is meaningful change possible

@Faith-and-Hope ❤️🙏 xx

Re: Is meaningful change possible

Heart

@Former-Member There is so much change in today's society. its difficult to adapt constantly.  I hope you find another form of outreach that is satisfying. It is a changing sector, but some of the newer organisations have good aspects to them. Dont give up on having your own activity outside family.

Your daughter is at a difficult age to parent. We dont want to put more pressures on them when they are also vulnerable but walking on egg shells doesnt help either.  Getting the right level of expectation is tricky and personal.

It can be amazing how things can come together for them.   @Former-Member It was a light-hearted intimate moment and I do appreciate that he asked. Tonight we did Shakespeare monologues and interactions.  He told me off (mildly) for playing around (being too melodramatic in reading my lines) when he was working, but it was all in good fun. Its so lovely to be able to really enjoy our children.

Heart

Re: Is meaningful change possible

Never had kids Apple possum,I wasn't good at Maths,my father used to get frustrated trying to help me of a night.He also used to sketch pictures if I needed one .He could sketch by looking at a picture or in his imagination.He could've been a cartoonist.It is something I remember of my father,besides the fear of his temper when I swore,with a memory of him pushing on my bedroom door to get in.I reared my niece's when they were young for a while with my mother.Its amazing how your learner behaviour influences how you handle situations.

Re: Is meaningful change possible

No haven't seen it yet Faith and Hope...Thanks of thinking of me .

Re: Is meaningful change possible

ED
@Appleblossom wrote:

Heart

@Former-Member 

Your daughter is at a difficult age to parent. We dont want to put more pressures on them when they are also vulnerable but walking on egg shells doesnt help either.  Getting the right level of expectation is tricky and personal.

It can be amazing how things can come together for them.  

Heart


Hi @Appleblossom

That is the tricky hard part - knowing when to say something, when to not and how to approach someone that mostly blasts abuse at me. She did listen and appreciate me again for awhile when she left the abusive ex but has gone back to her volatile moods. It's impossible to talk to her. I usually have to text for her to listen. I thinks she's tipped over, that's my fear. She told her GP she is seeing things but she can't be treated until she stops drinking.

I did drink myself when very young coming from an abusive background but I was different. Stronger I think, not sure, but very different.

I live in hope it comes together but she is not doing anything to help herself and is so self destructive. The situation is presently dire. My GP feels so sorry for myself and husband as he can't believe how we are still coping as in his words "the stress has been relentless for 10 yrs". He wants to suggest to her to apply for public housing (he is her GP also).

I do believe in hope and better outcomes - but I am wondering if I can endure until then. The stress is starting to give me chest pains which I have told no one of yet. And I have been so strong but the cracks are starting to appear. Something has to give. 

Its so wonderful to read the joy you share with your son. A true priceless treasure. It makes me so happy to read that tears fill my eyes 💕🤗

Re: Is meaningful change possible

If it is taking a toll on your health @Former-Member, then separate living might be the way forward, but it sounds like she will still need your support anyway ... which is possible if she accepts the change from the gp's suggestion rather than feeling she is being turfed out of the nest.

 

I'm posting this for @Former-Member .... but I know you and @Appleblossom will appreciate it too ....

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Re: Is meaningful change possible

Thanks @Former-MemberI wanted to share the good and you know I have had a lot of stressful times too.

Its terrible that she has not been able to manage her anger better and it has been focussed on you for so long.  My brother did that to my mother and it was not good for him either.  i was very very very worried it might happen to my son and I.

If she cant get a better handle on it .. and the GP can swing things then maybe separate living quarters will help you a bit.  I have suggested it to my son when he get antsy, cos when he wants to throw his weight around .. there is an awful lot of it, but he really has made a decision not to be a violent aggressive person .. he has learned to channel it into his music and acting .. I so respect that in him... but it is also what I have done.

Have you been straight up in talking about her anger in the cooler terms of tools for management.  

That she would have to be mindful of much more boring stuff if she has her own household.

Does she have any other interests talents that she could focus on more than feeling its the end of her world because of her diagnosis or her relationship.  Or that could help her emotional regulation.  or a special holiday place that soothes and settles her ..

Sorry .. too many questions .. but I was shocked a few months ago when it came out. I have seen how considerate you are on the forum and it is tragic to think she foolishly is messing up so much.

Some people say girls are harder through teens, not that I managed my girls through that period. They would have battered me to bits, and decided to get on with their lives than to just vent, and I got out of the firing line.

Zero tolerance for being a punching bag .. 10 years is too long. She would feel so much better about herself if she used the energy to run around the block .. or  ... sew an outfit ..

 .. its just my way of engaging Heart

 

 

Re: Is meaningful change possible

@Former-Member .... sorry I need bringing up to speed .... is she / has she seen a psychologist re her past trauma ?

💗

Re: Is meaningful change possible

Very cute Faith and Hope!And all apologies to Apple Blossom my spell checker changed her name on previous post!Just picked it up.

Re: Is meaningful change possible

@Former-Member

I figured something like that happened .. lol ..just made me smile at dumb computers.

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