Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[Jacques]

@hiddenite, it wounds like your parents are your main problem now, they seem to show no support and actually look like they are trying to keep you in a state of fear, without recovering.

i am so sorry you have this stress in your life, you and your children deserve better.  you need reasons to fight,  your children, that is all you should need.

you are not worthless, you have helped so many people in the short time you have been on this forum, you need to use those venomus words to empower you, don't let them win,  they may be your parents but they seem to be abusers in their own right, you have gone from an abusive husband to an abusive mother and father, Karen you know i will support you no matter what. 

I am glad you reached out tonight, these are the times you need peer support, i for one know your children need you, and you need to see the good in yourself,  you are a beautiful, kind soul.  i am so lucky to have you in my llife, and i am positive your children feel the same deep down.

Take Care My Angel, remember i am their in spirit.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

just wondering if you will hold my hand tonight I'm so scared of my thoughts.
Being scared so deeply by what people say.
I just need to be with someone who will support me unconditionally.
Im so scared I don't want let go.....
karen

[Jacques]

@hiddeniteconsider me a security blanket,  i will be with you in spirit, i know how tough things are tonight,  only positive thoughts tonight.

Make sure you hold your crystals tight,  they will protect you.

you are my special angel

[hiddenite]

Thanks J

[hiddenite]

I don't know why I let people be abusive towards me.
I am never going to be strong enough to leave.
I hurt and in so much pain.

I have nothing an empty sole

[Jacques]

@hiddenite, Please don't think like that, it is not your fault you are being abused, people have taken advantage of you, you are vulnerable and frightened, one day you will be strong enough to say enough is enough, you need to get respect, you deserve respect.  no one has the right to speak to you like that, not even your family.

i know how much you hurt, i have the same feelings being called a dole bludger and lazy and fat all the time, it does wear you down, that is why we need to fight.  we deserve better than this, you deserve better than this.

you are a special soul to me, you are the light in my otherwise dark day,  you are continually reaching out, that takes courage, you are my gardian angel, tonight you need to tell yourself you are worthy of love, you are worthy of respect, you are worthy of care.

Hang in their, i hear how tough it is for you tonight. remember tomorrow is another day, try to let go of today and grab onto tomorrow.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

It's just another day to get through when I don't want to.

[Jacques]

Good Morning @hiddenite My Precious Angel,

You made it through another night, i wil ltry not to focus on your troubles, try to take your mind off it. 

Well the rooster finally got the morning call right, he usually starts crowing at 7:00 - 7:30 am, but this morning for some reason he crowed at dawn,  hooray he finally got it right.

the little calf at the farm had a harness put on him for the first time yesterday, he just stood their frozen, as sooon as they took it off he was hopping and bucking all  around the paddock, it was so cute.

The calf got into trouble too yesterday, the farm hand was getting two buckets of grain for the pig, as he took one scoop of the grain the calf had his head in the bucket eating it.  took the farm hand ages to get enough grain for the pig and chooks.

well Karen i went for a walk this morning, i thought of you pushing me along, it was nice to be out of the house for a change.

well i am here if you want to vent or need a shoulder to rest on.

Take Care My Angel

Jacques

[Jacques]

@hiddenitei know how you feel, i feel the same, their is no point, but you need to fight on for your children and i need to fight on for mum.  we will support each other no matter what.

I am right beside you my angel

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Really low day after the girls told their psychologist how much they are hurting. And that they are angry with me for letting their dad die.

im still shaking I wish I could cry I feel so much guilt shame. I lothe myself all the bad stuff is so overwhelming.

Im in a deep dark hole that I can't see my way out. There are no other options around me.