Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[Jacques]

Hello My angel,

I am so looking forward to my mandala's, i am going to have 5 books in total next week, 200 per book, i think i will be colouring in for a while, i really hope it helps with the panic attacks.

I am so glad you and the girls had a sunny day and had so much fun, wow nail painting too, and a tea party, i would have had to have called it a coffee party, but thats just me

No i didn't walk in the rain this morning, it was too heavy, but mum and i went for a drive in the rain all afternoon, it was so nice, having my arm out the window, i have not felt rain on my skin for a very long time, it was nice to feel something again.

I wish i was able to get into contact, no one would help me, i was told you where fine, i feel os bad that you had been so distressed, i wish i would have posted something to make you feel better in that time, i feel so mean now for not speaking to you more.

i hope we never get seperated again, i was really low when i was not talking to you, i felt so alone, i felt like i had let you down.

but we are here now, you had a nice day and so did i, so we must feel blessed for us both hving a good day, they are few and far between, so they feel extra special don't they?

I hope you and the girls finish the evening on a high, i am sure you are all tired from the tea party and park. 

OMG i know what it's like with no water, i had to shower for 2 years with cold water because we could not afford a hot water heater, it was awsome in summer but my gosh it was unpleasent in the winter, i ended up showering out of a bucket for those 2 years and always ran out of water the same way as you, Oh the joys of life, hey?

sometimes i miss the way i lived a few years ago, i find it hard to handle having money again, it still feels so sureal, being able to buy food, pay electricity, put petrol in the car, it all feels so abnormal for me, it has been over 10 years since i was able to buy a drink from a shop.

i am glad you had a nice sunny day, i hope you get some more sunny days and stop hogging the rain for a while

[hiddenite]

Hey J

When I was given my first Mandalay to do in hospital, I couldn't even make a decision on what color pencil to use. I was so scared of getting it wrong. So please remember when you get them is that there is no right or wrong even if you color outside the lines because you are shaking it doesn't matter. I think you will have fun you are so creative. It is such a great distraction, I'm so glad you are going to try them.

What a wonderful day you had with your mum I'm glad you had some fun and felt the rain.

Jacques I was completely blown away, not only were you struggling to be on holidays you didn't forget about me. No one has ever been that kind to me, ever.

I'm really worried about money, once the house purchase has settled I'm not going to have much money. I can't get the single parent payment because my husband forged my signature saying that I've never had custody of the girls. I have spent countless hours trying to prove that they have always been in my care, but their computers keep reverting back to I don't have children. I have tried everything. I'm so scared I don't know how to fix it.

My friend you are welcome to all the rain you want. It's supposed to start again tomorrow.

The girls loved being out in the sun today.

Take care my friend

Karen

[Jacques]

I am so excited to be able to try the mandalay, i will try to remember it does not have to be perfect, but with my OCD it is very difficult.

I am so glad to see you have experianced some kindness in your life, and i am even more glad it was me, i will always be kind to you, you are my friend, no aguments, just kindness and support from me.

Oh i am so sorry, yes money can be a tough thing, if your husband forged the documents they are null and void, it is not your signature, all you should have to do is confirm that it is not your signature, do the girls have birth certificates? you had to be on the birth certificate as their mother, right? if you had the birth certificate, it should not matter what he signed.  would your mum and/or dad be willing to sign an affidavit stating the girls have always been in your care?  centerlink can be so frustrating, have you thought about a disability support pension?, you would be eligable if i am, we are both in the same boat, i am sure your doctor would sign all the relevant paperwork.  give me a day or 2 i will see what you can do about it.  

Oh no Karen, not more rain, you need to live somewhere like where i live, it only rains once or twice per year, if we are lucky.

I am so glad you and the girls had a good day outside, and in the sun, nothing boosts the mood more, the nice sun lightly toasting the skin, ah yes spring has sprung

[hiddenite]

I understand how you feel J I felt so stupid not even being able to pick up a pencil I was so scared of getting it wrong. Something so simple as coloring in was  huge deal.

Centerline what do I say. I have given them the girls birth certificates, health books, a letter from the family GP  of 10 years, the girls kindergarten and their school. My birth certificate and my husband's death certificate and letter from the corner.

I have spent 2 years fighting this. 

I didn't think I would be eligible for disability support. I haven't received any payments from centrelink I've just managed to make ends meet.

But the house will change all that and I'm pretty scared.

I don't think I could even go in centerlink anymore too many people, trigger then I would have to speak to someone.

Thanks J I hope you have a quiet evening. I'm listening to Simon and Garfunkel .

Take care

Karen

[Jacques]

Simon and Garfunkel, OMG, mum loves them, i am so used to listening to Mrs. Robinson, The sound of silence, and bridge over troubled water, oh boy is that taking me back to my childhood.

Yes it is amazing how much of a prison our mind is, we seem to be able to stop doing anything from fear. as you know i understand how it is.

i have not received centerlink payments for 7 years, i had no income at all, but my doctor filled in the forms and i had to see a psychologist from centerlink and i got it, your case is worse than mine, so you should be elligable, with your trauma.  Maybe ask the kind Moderators here or maybe call or email centerlink to see what they can do, (so you don't have to go in the centerlink building)

Karen you may have no choice but to go to centerlink, i know how humiliating it is, i feel the same, but you will have little choice, you don't need the financial stress on top of your troubles every day.

i am here to help if you need it. oh i just remembered maybe speak to your councilors, when i had one thye tried to get me the DSP, they filled out forms and everything.

anyway whatever your decision, i will be here to help you.  just ask.

Good night my angel, i will speak to you tomorrow

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel,

I have been doing some research and found how you can claim the DSP without going into centrelink, here is the site you need to go to, all the forms can be downloaded and printed, then you just send them in, no contact needed.

http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/enablers/centrelink/disability-support-pension/claiming

Karen you do not have needed to have claimed any centerlink payments to apply.  it is worth a try.

give me some more time and i will reasearch the single parent payment.

you do know you can assign another person to appy for centrelink on your behalf, my mother does everything fro centrelink on my behalf.  maybe you could assign a councilor or something.

it is sunny here today, you could have given me the rain for a few days!!!!   oh well, anyway i was really tired last night so i did not walk this morning, i don't know what i am going to do today, maybe not much.  i hope you manage today if it is tough just remember how fun yesterday was.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

Thanks for the help I am certainly going to need help financially once we have moved out of mums house. I didn't think I would be entitled to anything.

I haven't told my treating team that I have bought a house. I was scared that they would say I have done the wrong thing. My parents have said I've made a huge mistake by not living near them.

 I don't think I could manage anyone else telling me that.

I appreciate your support J.

I also feel that I don't deserve to be helped. It's my fault I'm like this.

I've been up all night with my youngest group again. She has a really high temperature and breathing isn't good and coughing like a seal.

I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.

The girls production is on Friday so I'm hoping my other daughter doesn't get sick.

I don't even have the energy to walk today.

Thinking of you Jacques

Karen

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel,

Well it's your choice where you live, if your parents had given you more support you would have not had to make the choice in the first place.

I am sure your treating team will support you no matter what, i know i do, i am here for you no matter what.

everyone deserves to be financially secure, it has taken a long time for me to come to terms with being on welfare, and i don't think i have come completely to terms with it, their is still shame with it for me.

Oh no, the poor little thing, i hope she is getting some rest today, it must be tough with being sick all the time, i wish she could get some treatment for it.

I hope the play goes well, i will have my fingers crossed

Take care my angel

JAcques

[Jacques]

Karen my Angel,

i have been doing some research and i think you are elligable for "widows Allowance" it will have no connection to the girls, so you will not need all their birthcertificates and all that, just your husbands death certificate, here is the centrelink web site for the criteria:

http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/services/centrelink/widow-allowance

i hope it works out for you.  i am here if you need some further help, i will continue looking.

Oh i forgot to mention you can make a claim from this site too, just scroll down about half way their is a link for intent to claim.

your friend

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi Karen,

I am awake, another day of nothing.  i am here if you want to talk, i hope you and your youngest daughter managed some sleep last night.

Take care

Jacques