Lived Experience Forum

[Phoenix53]

So what do you do when your life has been chaotic and you finally get an answer in your 40s and it's no surprise. Coping and not coping incredible success and absolute downers currently unemployed due to a recent contract ending and before that a career ender episode after 22yrs as a professional- I don't know if I can hang on to my house and fighting off depression and what if I don't have bipolar 2 and this is just a cop out - just feeling a little angry sad and lost

[Mazarita]

Hi @Phoenix53, welcome to the forum. 

I have bipolar 1 but was only diagnosed in 2009, after being treated for depression and anxiety alone since 1990! It's not uncommon for bipolar diagnoses to come late to us, as it is apparently difficult to diagnose.

Regarding your thought that maybe you don't have it, I think most of us have this question in our minds, especially when receiving a new diagnosis. Because of stigma about mental illness, this question even crops up in my mind from time to time now, even after being treated for mental illness for over 35 years! But the majority of the time I recognise and accept that I have this condition and need to take medications to keep me relatively sane and stable, as well as engage in psychological therapy to assist myself in an ongoing way.

Reaching out on the forum is a good place to start working through the ramifications of your diagnosis. Wishing you the best with your journey towards better mental health. 

[frog]

Hi @Phoenix53 your work/housing/health situation sounds so hard. Do you have people around who can support you? Have you been referred to a psychiatrist and/or psychologist?

My story is a bit similar to @Mazarita in that I was misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression for 30 years before being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in my 40s, a couple of years ago. It was a terrible time. 18 months before I ended up in hospital my husband of 19 years up and left without warning. Having been totally focussed on the family, I had no close friends I could call on, and no family near by. I had lots of time off work and didn't know if I'd be able to continue. I struggled to accept the diagnosis for a year, then it took a further year to get medication sorted out. Things are still up and down, as they are bound to be, but so much better than before the diagnosis. My life has changed in many ways. I now live in a tiny house with my kids and dogs. I am trying to increase my work hours because money is tight, but it's very hard to get a balance. Finding a good psychologist and psychiatrist has been key. This wasn't straightforward, but worth persisting to find a good fit. I had to learn to look after myself and put my health first after decades of looking after everyone else, and my psychologist really helped me with that.

When people told me things would get better I wanted to thump them! For so long I felt hopeless. The forums have really helped me to feel understood, accepted and connected to people. I wish the same for you.

[candycane]

@frog what an amazing story of resilience and recovery! thank you for sharing.

[Phoenix53]

Thx for the replies. I do have an excellent psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist who probably saved my life and I am sure I need not say more about what it is too hit your lowest point. It's good just to hear I am not alone in my struggle. I feel like I didn't sign up for this and the thought of struggling again and again is a bit of a downer at times. Not sure what to make of the medication yet it's probably still a trial and error stage and I have been on and off prior to finally getting a diagnosis. Whilst I know in the long term it's a good thing there are those moments of doubt about sticking with it. Chaos has always been a part of my life and I have worked 24/7 for years where the super energy was welcome and enhanced my work if that makes sense. But then when the lows come and they have quite spectacularly I have crashed significantly and been labeled under performing.

I did manage some contract work last year and it probably saved my life and sanity to get back in the ring so to speak was in the Outback so perfect retreat and financially tied me over so not dire straits yet.
I don't have a crystal ball so it's going to be uncertain and pressure on to go back to a 9-5 job- I don't really want to pack up and leave and let family down.
It's refreshing that there is a forum to get some things off your chest and I know it's a given I'm not alone

[Phoenix53]

Thank you true words I need to hear and also to ease up a bit my reactions are not totally out of the ballpark

[Phoenix53]

Thank you true words I need to hear and also to ease up a bit my reactions are not totally out of the ballpark and yes I totally want to thump the people who say things will get better and look how much you've achieved you'll be okay- Well that was then I am just determined to move forward the best I can and it's the start of a longer road