Lived Experience Forum

[Doc_Gonzo]

@Phoenix_Rising Some org's look after their workers well. I worked for a differnt org previous to my current role and found them to be very supportive of my mental health (depending on the team you worked for). My supervisor may not have understood a lot of what was going on at the time, but he did make the effort to ensure I was able to voice what was going on often and provide options where possible.

I have worked for numerous places that I have felt have been very supportive in their own way so it is worth exploring what is out there and getting a feel for a place. If you are concerned for how it may impact you or how you may go within a specific environment, then perhaps volunteering there for a while may give you the insight you need to form a position of that particular org.

I am going for a job interview today for an org that I know by reputation and I am hoping that they are not going to turn out to be another 'myth'.

They are such a conservative organistion and are full of themselves.

I have already made it clear that I am leaving my current place of org, (to my team leader, because management doesn't feel it is good practice "to share information until we are absolutely sure what is going to happen, so best practice is to keep it yourself and let people deal with it when it happens" no problems two can play at that game :).

I keep encouraging myself to focus on the bigger picture , A) I am getting a steady paycheck ( I hate this as I am more than this, however it is important) b) STUDY! c) I am moving on and hopefully soon I will be out of this

[JasJac]

@Doc_Gonzo really sorry to hear that your workplace is terrible and really impacting on your values and expectation of what a mental health should be. seriously if that is the quality of the way that staff are being treated, then there is no way that clients, consumers or customers are getting the best support possible for them.

i have worked in a few of mental health programs across a few organisations 2 of which were mental health oriented. the first one was brillliant, they stick to the mental health service standards, recovery framework treat staff with respect and that automatically flows into consumers receiving support towards their goals.

the second mental health organisation talks about full citizenship however what they do is more enable disability i was talking to a consumer who had been in the service for 5 years, she didn't like to use public transport, and felt very isolated and would have liked to be be able to go to a cafe when she wanted, however she hasn't been given the support to just walk to a cafe whenever she wants as the service has been driving her around for 5 years. to me that is let down.  there were letters on the walls from consumers saying they loved the manager, while she would stick her finger up at consumers when they weren't around she was loving to their face. They are supposed to help consumers be loved and love people in their community not just workers. they are supposed to help with sustanable solutions.  the management in the organisation was way too positive and never provided ideas of staff development therefore people were just suddenly fired. the language they used when talking about consumers was just atrocious. the lights weren't allowed to be on as the manger was a peer worker and therefore her situation is the most important as she got headaches from the lights. i am soo glad that i am no longer in that situation. i wish i didn't experience people being let down and talked about so disrespectfully. i was having a lot of trouble with focussing while at work in the face of this, as soon as i left i just felt soo relaxed. leaving the situation was the solution.

wishing you all the best with finishing your course hours and feeling relief! i wish i had some ideas of better work places for you to complete your hours!. 

[Doc_Gonzo]

Had a few wins today. A) Didn't not go to work - I was adamant that I was chucking a week long sicky yesterday. I was looking through my diary and saw the people I would be working with today and felt that I had to do my job given the uncomfortable space that these people are in at the moment. Big smile on my face after this!

b) Declined another position with the Org I am working for citing that my values and principles are constantly clashing with the practices imposed on my role and that was it. No song and dance, no getting angry, just made it clear in a simple way that I am unhappy with what I see and I am moving on as a result ( I am loved at work and they are very happy with the way I work with people).

c) The people I worked with today got a lot out of our sessions and it made me feel really good to know that even when I am not in the best of spaces, I can still contribute to the world.

I have decided that even if I am unemployed for a while it is still better than feeling like I am selling myself out to the highest bidder.

It is a shame, because I do respect my colleagues (not management or the org) and we have developed some great relationships. However they understand that there is no malice or ill will towards them, they get that I the org is not a good fit for the way I approach things.

I am still really struggling in many ways and my inability to connect with my body is still very confronting and worrying, however I am hoping that once I am feeling less like I am being bullied, harassed and discriminated against (trauma much!) that this will all settle back down again.

[utopia]

@Doc_Gonzo. Great wins today.
You handled yourself beautifully - with dignity - when rejecting their offer.
Well done for managing to work so well today - when not feeling at your best.

[Kurra]

Kudos @Doc_Gonzo! It takes enormous courage to stick to your g_un_s like that and maintain both your dignity and integrity. 👍😀

[Appleblossom]

The beauty of your mantra 

Breathe Deeply Move Deliberately

means that at the very least you will not sell out your values .. but sometimes it takes time to weigh and assess things.  Glad the peoplle you work with .. still saw you today.

[Doc_Gonzo]

Thank you everyone,

I am feeling a little better now that I am not feeling so trapped. To give the history of that feeling would take several days worth of typing, so lets just say that it has a strong overwhelming impact on my life at times and leave it at that.

I feel like I have an exit plan out of this situation and feel like I have regained some of my agency and power. I am really happy that by removing myself from the org I have indirectly undermined some disturbing machinations that were going on in the shadows. A certain person had a grand plan that involved forcing a person to leave the position they were in and go to another team so that I could remain in the team I am in. Gruesomely heinous act as far as I am concerned and a massive breach of power. however the person was not willing to make a complaint. At least this way the person at the centre of this doesn't get their way and the other person being pressured gets to stay where they are.

I am not having much luck with finding a new job at the moment as work is pretty scarce and the market is flooded with high quality candidates often at masters level. I will keep trying as I have worked to hard to just give in now and self destruct (my finger has been hovering over the button for a while). By leaving the way I am, I have retained control in a very positive way (self destructing is the ultimate act of control).

There is still a big part of me that just wishes just once I could feel like i am 'winning; rather than staying afloat. I am over 'just surviving' and would like to be in a position where I feel like I am living my life. While I feel this way I know my actions generally always work towards that goal.

TL/DR:
Feel slightly better, still peeved that I am not in a better position in life given the work I have put into it. Undermined shadowy machinations. Probably be unemployed soon.