Lived Experience Forum

[AllyR]

I'm bipolar and I've been single 7 years. I'm dating this guy and he keeps asking me all these questions about my illness quizzing me a lot about it. It really upsets me because I feel like I'm being interrogated and being screened for being girlfriend material. He specifically says how can I care for you if we have kids etc and your sick, like I'd be a burden to him. I thought when you fall in love you are with them in sickness and in health. So how I feel right now is that the opposite sex seems to judge you when you have bipolar. They seem to want to date "sane" people and not date someone like you because it's too much of a hassle.

[Kurra]

It's very possible @AllyR that he's wanting to learn more so that he understands what is or could be happening so that he can help you in the right way if necessary. Just be open and honest with him and you may well find a treasure. 🎶

[Alone]

Hi AllyR,

Maybe it's just because he doesnt know a lot about it and wants to learn about it to help you.  If he's being a bit too intrusive and you're not comfortable with the questions you could ask him (nicely) to slow down and say that he's going a bit too fast and that your illness is very personal to you and you need to talk  about it at your own pace. 

Is it a new relationship?  You could say there's plenty of time to learn about each other and for now you just need him to be accepting and understanding. 

[Flower88]

Hi @AllyR I know how you feel, I have generalised anxiety and I find men have been so turned off by it, I got asked the question by one "when will you get better?" Find a man that can can have some empathy and love you for your amazingness as I'm sure you are a great person 🙂 its hard to find one but they are out there. I have experienced not only men that get put off me but other people in my life as well. Keep telling yourself you are amazing and deserve the best!

[utopia]

@AllyR. I'd be direct and ask him how he would treat you and what he would ask you if you had type 1 diabetes.
This may give you an indication of if he is wanting to know more about the condition and how he can help in times of need. Or if he's trying to determine if HE can cooe with your MI.
Why not ask him how he would react if he ended up with a child with a disability?
It's not just for one ti ask all the questions on dates. Both need to know about the other.
Find out what his true character is. Is he empathetic, a gentleman, does he treat you and others politely?
He may be the one for you. It may be a different man. I believe there is someone for everyone.
I've been single almost 10 years & I'm not giving up on finding love

[jem80]

It sounds like he is genuinely inquisitive. If you feel it is too evasive ask him if you can take things slower. I can see how you would be upset, sometimes discussing mental health makes it appear like that is all that there is to offer when that is not the case. Some men are quite realistic and like to have the more serious conversations, whilst others want to know whether to run or not. It's not uncommon for someone to be loaded with questions when they have a limited understanding of mental health.

[RoseDistilled]

I was with a guy for 3 years. Everyone around us (except his dad) thought that we were "it" and he even actually proposed at one point. Before my depression was diagnosed, he told that he thought I needed to 'see someone to get it sorted out'; when I asked him to come me he refused and said that he didn't want some stranger poking around in his inner thoughts. Not long after, after he agreed to go away with me o/s and then changed his mind, he walked out on me while I was away and told me that it was because our worlds had drifted apart. I know that he found the depression (and therefore me) challenging to cope with and couldn't understand what I needed from him. I'm working through the illness and the breakup at the same time (super challenging) but have some really positive people around me and need to keep telling myself that someone will see past it....

[Kurra]

It sounds as if you've got some great friends who are willing to support you @RoseDistilled
As you work on your depression more you'll find yourself becoming a lot more confident.

You will meet someone who cares enough to try to understand. There's many wonderful people in our world and when you least expect it you will meet someone else.

Rise to the challenge. I believe that there's someone out there who will be perfect for you.

It's great to see you here in the SANE forum. You'll be surprised at how friendly people here are. They're a good mob! Keep talking to us and we'll support you in every way that we can. 🎶

[musha]

Be honest, its all you can do.

My Bipolar has been terrible for my partner.....I disclosed it to her very early on and she was so accepting.  Years later she is battle scarred by it but she still stands by me.

Bipolar disorder is not an excuse for anything.  Its just an illness and I have found it useful to tell myself I am fortunate to have someone who will love me with this condition - and I had better honor this woman and do the very best I possibly can to show it and make her life happy.

Just do your best.