Lived Experience Forum

[SanSan]

Thanks @hanami 

Flipping your script (because this was Charlie's nature) - he gave very little love beyond being in my presence and that I couldn't ask for more as he very obviously had a deep mistrust of humans. He asked for lots of things! Space, time, belly rubs, an open bathroom window, open doors through the house so he could run like a bouncing wind, warmth in winter, grass to chew on, food he liked (these cats never went for a treat and he often just looked at food he didn't approve of that suggested he was thinking he'd rather go hungry!) He asked, and I gave.

His 'love' was more 'approval'; he approved of me if I respected him and his needs. I was never angry towards him - ever - (although I did get upset with the other cat Trouble (because he is) when he stole Charlie's food or, in my opinion, bullied him (Trouble is a very large and powerful black cat that is more panther-like than domestic)). He was so traumatised when he came to me that I only ever showed him patience, care, loving, understanding - it would seem he'd had more than enough anger thrown his way in his short life that I wasn't going to add to it.

Did he ever look at me lovingly? Occasionally he did - when the three of us were watching a movie, Trouble stretched out on my legs and Charlie on the couch cushion by my shoulder; but, most of all, he looked at me like I was an idiot and I absolutely loved and adored him for that.

I'm sure you've heard that saying - dogs have masters, cats have servants - Charlie was making up for lost time!

Thanks for your support and hugs

[hanami]

Thank you for sharing that @SanSan . You can probably tell, I've always had dogs for my furbabies! Hence the way I describe how they look at us and feel towards us. My littlest doggie likes to eat his own poop. One very early morning he must have eaten a poop and then came inside and immediately vomitted all over my cream blinds. OMG it was disgusting. I have to say I got a little angry. But after I cleaned it up I had forgiven him. 

I have a friend who had a cat called Trouble! Your desciption reminds me of him.

Take lots of care

Hanami

[SanSan]

Funnily enough I did think you were describing dogs 😉

I find poop- and vomit-eating barfable and I grieve for your blinds!!!

Trouble indeed 😉

[scout1572]

HI @hanami 

..you may be able to help. There was a member on here @lucy27 that i wrote a message to and wanted to send but i dont think it went thru.

I am not sure how i can send this message and am looking for some advice?

...i cut and pasted the message so i have kept it and just wondering thebest way to send. They mentioned Sh andi wqanted to tell them another of my stories in the hope it may be of help.

They may not be a member very long and i dont know how to initiate a message, only respond at this point.

hope you are have a great day  :0)

[hanami]

Hi @scout1572 

Nothing you've done wrong but there was some triggering stuff in their post so we have had to block it for now and make the necessary follow-up via email. Thank you for letting me know though and thank you for offering them support. I read your post and it was very kind and thoughtful. Hopefully Lucy27 will be back around to read it soon.

Warmest

Hanami 😊

[scout1572]

thanks @hanami  wouldi be able to send you my story and you pass it on via email?

i'll cut and paste it below and the triggering stuff is probably why i am responding

thanks :0)

hi @Lucy27 

I was able to read your message but not respond. I new here and only joined a few days ago...

..i wanted to send you a message so i hope this finds its way to you.

I have anxiety and dpression from aspergers that was recently diagnosed. I have spent nearly a decade completly alone and isolated and recently decided that i needec to make change, with this site being part of that process.

I am glad you are here. I have been hoping thati woud connect with others that are also isolated and not around others feeling the same way.

Firstly, mental health is diferent in each and every individual and has many factors that are unique like environment, outside pressures etc, so please dont think any family in your future will be carbon copies of this moment in your life. Its statistically impossible. There is no need for you to draw that line in the sand now, or ever really.... just keep that in mind. Tomorrow is different to today just as it will be different from the day before... this notion helps me at times.

I want you to know that there are so so many people in similar spaces where they want to have a intimate friend where they can be themselves with. They sit at home wondering where these peoe are too. I know i do. 

Joining a forum like t  great way to realise that if we all glowed with a brilliant light everytime we felt alone and depressed, then we would see these glows and be drawn to them, to hel[p each other. Just becuase we cant see these glows of energy doesnt mean they are not there, and may be scattered all around you. 

I paint this picture so you know that you arent alone, just maybe a little hard to find. Thats ok, a lot of us are :0)

I want you to feel better and not feel like dramatic options are a solution. I have learnt that if you allow a thought process to bercome repetitious within your mind... it will feel like it carries weight, but this is not true. Every thought carries the same identical weight. Some are not more importantor more powerful than others, its just that it may keep your attention over other thoughts and i would like you to keep this in mind.

Ifi was to take you out on an adventure and we went parachuting out of a plane, youmay have some of these thoughts, even up until when we left the aircraft, but the wonderful human body, once hitting that fast air, tha racing wind noise, would immediately pump you full or addrenallin. It would immediately change your thought processes and your mind would focus on the act being undertaken.

I am painting this picture becuase from my experience i created an even energy environment that mostly, thru my choices, stayed exactly the same and i found this to be the perfect recipie for me having some morose thoughts. I did it becuase i wanted to feel safe and calm but that has a flip side.

What do you think it would feel like to hang from a parachute? it would personally terrify me and i dont like taking unnecessay risks, but the thought of it is fun. I have watched tandem jump videos on youtube and the state of the new jumper immediately after the jump as opposed to immediately before always stands out to me.

Be safe, know youare not alone. Others care. Others are exactly the same.

You made a good call reaching out here to try to find others and support.

We are all in this together :0)

[hanami]

Hi @scout1572 

Yes I can do that. We need more people in the world like you!

hanami

[scout1572]

@hanami 

:0)

[Lucy27]

Had to deal with me ? How about being a little more sympathetic and sensitive and use better verbiage. And you call yourself a peer support worker. 

[Lucy27]

Can you please remove or edit this post.  Saying that you had to “deal with me” is really triggering verbiage and i have already replied to this post and you keep blocking it.