Life can be a Pain

[Shaz51]

Hello my @Owlunar 

Sorry that you are in a lot of pains , sending you lots of tender hugs for you and your daughter 

What can we know about our mothers-- that is a good point really as I know some things but there is a whole lot more to my very strong and independent mum 

Now she seems to be getting her stories mixed up with those of her sisters 

Sorry I have not been around as much , crazy times , even though we have cut our mowing services out now , I seem to be busyier 

@Zoe7 , @Appleblossom , @BlueBay 

[Appleblossom]

@Owlunar 

Hugs

I think I have mostly been too busy making ends meet and too exhausted, to have much attitude, and it would not have helped in my circumstances.  Saved me breath, for breathing.

Yes I was on the grapevine enough to hear about and read "The Women's Room" back in the day. Someone loaned it to me.  I eventually collected 

"My Mother, Myself"

"Sexual Politics" 

"The Female Eunuch"

"Damned Whores and God's Police"

and and

"The Politics of Women's Spirituality"

and and

"Sister of Wisdom:  St Hildegard's Theology of the Feminine"

I never enrolled in a specifially feminist course as it was too much flavour of the month when I was studying, but I was deeply influenced by good women writers.  I tend to gag a bit at the feminism of these days though .... bite size polemics tends to reduce the value. I guess I preferred second wave.  After motherhood I moved from psychoanalysis to theological writings, trying to find sense in my Christian heritage and keeping a marriage and family together, but with my annulment I know it was right for me to leave. Things would have been worse if I had stayed.

[Zoe7]

So sorry @Owlunar you are suffering with so much pain again. It certainly is a battle for you and I hope you can get some relief soon. Such great news about the nursing home and you being able to get messages to your uncle now. He may not know who you are but I have no doubt he will appreciate the messages. 

Have not read The Women's Room but interested to have a look and see what it is all about.

[Owlunar]

@Appleblossom 

Hi Apple 

I haven't read those other books  probably because I was at university and working  - I did read Women Writers though  - so long ago now I can only remember that I led a seminar on Mary Shelley and I was so interested that a teenager could create Frankenstein as she did  - the character  - not just the story 

Any  - I must have already been at university when I read The Women's Room. When my kids were still pre-schoolers I woke up one morning and realised I was making life great for three other people and mine was going nowhere and I hated that. So I did a correspondence course  - theology  - then my HSC and studied for 12 years at Monash part time 

At some stage I told my mother I was emancipated  - I still wonder if she understood what I meant  - of course she said I wasn't but I was

In my opinion emancipation is a state of mind not being  - I was free of all she had been trying to make me believe all my life until then 

I must have been a disagreeable daughter to have around 

Your experiences sound. more exhausting  - I feel that for you and I sorry about that 

I am so glad I know you though 

Dec

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7 

I have left the dishes in the sink and didn't sort the washing  - I have every faith those and the other chores will be there in the morning 

The pain isn't much fun  - I am highly motivated to maintain my independence so all the effort is worth it  - a lot of people are in the the same boat and can't get elective surgery so I am not alone  - I hope my daughter doesn't have to wait too long though. She's going through a lot too 

My uncle has been in my life since I was  born and he has been a wonderful part of my life  - I know he enjoys visitors even though he doesn't know who we are  - I am looking forward to going to Hobart again and he is close to the hotel where I stay

Thanks Zoe 

Dec 

[Zoe7]

Pain is never much fun @Owlunar and you certainly have had your fair share of it over a long time. I do understand to a certain extent how much it affects us - having had that intense pain for a long time too. Luckily enough my back is not too bad at the moment but I do very much feel for you. 

Yes the dishes and everything else will be there tomorrow - just do what you an and leave everything else. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to do the simpler things but there is also self-care in saying - I cannot do that right now and it will not hurt to wait.

I hope you can get to Hobart soon and make that visit to your uncle. I personally would not be travelling just yet - wait until the first few weeks at least of school is back and see how this virus spreads ...hoping it will be better than expected but also fearing it won't. One of our biggest issues is parents sending their children to school when they are not well - happens a lot - then we send them home but by then it may be too late ...so everything crossed that everyone does the right thing.

[Appleblossom]

I really value our friendship @Owlunar.  You are the first on the forum that I could connect with, about having a loss of a loved one, from suicide.

I spent about 12 years part-time at Melb.  Must a woman thing .... lol.

I really like that you studied theology formally .  For me it was touched on, within my last undergrad course (we read "The Letters of Abelard and Heloise) and became like 'a hobby', tho that does not give it sufficient meaning, mostly collecting books when I run across them.  I thought it was good that my secular institution was including religious material for consideration.  It was of sufficient quality that it was sustaining.  I probably should be dead, somehow still hanging in there.  I helped my mother do her degree at a religious institution.  Was she grateful? Nup.  My brother and I went to her graduation, but she never let us feel we were worthy of graduating and elbowed me out of attending my daughter's graduation.  I should never have trusted her.  

I was pretty conscientious and had Eureka st (Jesuit Journal) subscription in my early 20s and before any other subscription.

Last year, I actually had 2 books by female german theologians, printed on demand just for little old me.  A treat.  I am a bit weird ...lol

Dec, even the fact that we type to use this forum was healing for me, as I did not have to speak the words or go through all the social confusion of upset when I was at a loss for words, like had occurred so many times before.  Because of work in editing and proof reading and THEN study, I do not have too much trouble the heart connecting to my fingers ...not my mouth.

I get that you are in pain and it is a horrible situation,.  It has been like that for a long time. I hope I am as brave as you.  I really value your posts.

For what its worth, I want you to know that I am grateful we had the opportunity to "meet".

[Anastasia]

Thinking of you @Owlunar 💕

 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar  i have been thinking of you and thought i would come on now.  how is your shoulder?

sending you lots of hugs and care xxxooo

[Shaz51]

Sending you lots of tender hugs my second mum xoxo @Owlunar