Lived Experience Forum

[Flyfisher]

Hi there,

I have recently seperated from my wife of 15 years and really just need to talk.

I have a seven year old son who I absolutely cherish who is living with his Mum.

I initiated the seperation as I could no longer bare to see my son watch us fighting. The straw that broke the camel's back was him standing at the kitchen bench screaming "stop" to both of us. It broke my heart!

I have GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) and while this hasn't been a real problem during the seperation, I have had other things take it's place. It is still very present but has been shown the back door.

I am now going through depression and grief.

The depression I think I can handle but the grief is something out of this world. It is worse than when I have lost a family member! It has a hold of me like nothing I have ever experienced.

My psychologist says it is normal to grieve when you lose something like I have. 

I have lost the ability to walk in to my sons room and pat him on the head while he sleeps. I have lost the moment when he wakes and comes running and jumping onto the bed, I have lost the position of full time Daddy.

I have also lost my wife (my best friend) and our beautiful dog of 12 years and our wonderful home.

I am grieving and it sucks.

I am so alone right now. Night time is the worst. 

I have taken a couple of weeks off work to try and get myself right.

I'm sorry I have rambled on and my issues aren't as serious as some but I needed to do this!

[Kurra]

@Flyfisher

You have every reason to feel depressed and feeling so alone. It's a very difficult transition for you to make and yes you will grieve for all you have lost. Are you still able to talk with your son and your wife.

This may or may not be the case for you but sometimes some time apart can give you both time to think about what you had, what the reasons were that caused you to argue etc. You may in time decide to reunite.

Right now thougg you are alone and I suspect that you're hurting really badly. I found I had to put a limit on how long I would allow myself to feel utterly miserable and how long I would cry otherwise I would have been a cot case 24 hours perr ďay. This helped me keep everything in perspective.

Try to zhod tò shoe you hoùllkkklllĺlllĺ Sq

[Former-Member]

Hello @Flyfisher,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time at the moment - to say the least. Grief is a very powerful entity, and can come in all different forms, and can affect us in all different ways. Please don't feel as though what you are going through isn't "as serious" as others - it sounds like this is taking a great toll on you and that makes it very important! 

It is good that you are seeing a psychologist to talk about what you are going through. I was wondering, do you have other informal supports? What are you doing to try and manage the pain you are experiencing? And what has worked in the past?

I like what @Kurrasaid about giving yourself a time frame to really feel these emotions, so they don't comsume you all day. It is hard to control such intense emotions, such as grief and loss, but it may be worth a try! 

There are other people on the forums who are experiencing relationship difficulties and who are affraid of diconnecting with their children. @Jhett707 has recently posted here about their situation. 

I hope you find support on the forums, 

Take care,

Jac-in-the-box 

[esprit]

My teenage kids went to live with their dad as he was"easier". The grief I felt and still feel overwhelmed me sometimes but it's been six months now and the pain is now bareable. I just decided I would be the best mum I could be under the circumstances and with my X making it difficult. This made me feel better. One step at a time one day at a time. Best wishes. X

[Kurra]

Hi @Flyfisher,

Sorry about the woopsie at the end of my first message. Methinks I went to sleep. 😳

How are you feeling today? 🎶

[Flyfisher]

Hi all, thanks for your replies but I'm not really in the right frame of mind to reply to you all at the moment. I do appreciate your time and will reply when I am able.

[Flyfisher]

Hi again,

I just wanted to let you know I am getting through okay.

I have read a lot of material on here and find this site to be a most valuable source of information and understanding.

My wife and I are proceeding very amicably and it is a great feeling knowing that my little boy does not have to see us yelling at each other.

He is adjusting wonderfully. A very brave and understanding little man.

I will no doubt have some bad days but hopefully they are out weighed by the good ones.

Thanks again for your replies and I hope you are all going well.

[Whim]

Hi Flyfisher. Your experience is just as valid as anybodys. But I understand that feeling. It's about not feeling worthy of saying how you feel, which you do. I have only just joined this site, but already have found it to be incredibly supportive and caring.

I have not had my family split up, but I do understand grief. It is truly maddening. Just know that it will change, and some of the hurt will become more manageable. Anxiety and dapression often go hand in hand, a double whammy. I'm glad you have a psych, I hope they are working for you. 

Do you get to see your son often? I feel for you, I have a 6 yr old son, so I know a parents love. Yes, he may have seen some fights, but what he will also see now, and gosh how receptive they are, is his Father truly fighting to beat illness, and work through grief, and come out the other side better than before. You are his role model for managing difficulty, so always remember how important you are. 

As you said, you have multiple griefs. Grief is a strange thing, unique and terrible, but out of it can come some warmth, it may not seem like it now, but hold on and remember you can always chat here.