Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

@Sophia1 I think the food stuff was important as it effects my grandson, and my access to him, and is part of his xenophobic mother's outlook.  I see her as overprivileged and controlling. At least I got to have a balanced moment where someone who eats the food later in life by choice realises there is often an added social element.  For me it was early and restricted by economics. Food choices very restricted going back 2 generations.

[maddison]

Thanks @Appleblossom lots of change. I'm bobbling along. The song you sent me was 'wild' . I will have to listen to it more. I noticed it was composed in 1500. Thankyou.

[Sophia1]

Thank you for the love sending some right back @Appleblossom 

Food is a tricky subject for many people for varying reasons..

Some parents seem to be very controlling with the whole food subject..

This was the case when mine were young also..

Some had very stringent ideas on types of food...time of day...with no room for time out so to speak..this had nothing to do with diets, cultures or allergies...more what the parent deemed to be discipline..

They lost touch with the concept of fun and sharing equally in a fun environment..

Living circumstances of course affect this even to this day.

Next door there are six children, soon to be seven..Obviously there are limitations there...

I also remind myself of my parents time with rations from the war...

This is happening world wide now with the fallout worldwide

poverty within our own country for varying reasons..

rising costs and food shortages..

rising rental costs,

mortgage rates,

employment,

utility prices.

so much affects how we can afford and what we can afford food wise..

homelessness and poverty...

I support a charity that looks after the homeless in our major city..

I even offered to travel there to volunteer and was told that they have ample volunteers which is good to hear..

It is a very good agency...

I feel for you..

Sophia1

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Sophia1 Food is indeed complicated.  Good they had enough vollies.  You do what you can. I know. I have done lots of work on soup kitchens, vouchers and hamper deliveries, and still send money to Africa for people really hard up. Sending it direct to people I have online relationships with. I still have issues with bossy women forcing me to eat their food, when it becomes about power not generosity, need or sharing. I have plenty now, and have made mostly healthy choices my entire adult life.  Also preparing foods in requested styles eg meat and veg for family and veg only for daughter when she was a preteen.

@maddison Glad you liked it.  I used to explore off the beaten track irl, now its mainly in music. A bit obscure ... helps me understand history of music.  lol Still love the greats in most styles.

Love hearing from you both.

[Appleblossom]

Been working through emotional realities with an old friend. Our ways of expressing ourselves are extremely different, but she showed me where my secondary school was and we had other things common in early adolescence.

Ran it past counsellor, sent email and had a few chats on the phone.  It was a case where I started to ruminate and finally expressed it and was heard with concern, rather than rebuffed or ignored.  Despite our very different styles it is still a friendship.   She is not into any therapeutic concepts or study and is loud, blunt and bold and proud.  I do not want to be like her but value her separate experience and survival and work ethic now (not back then lol).  Not woowoo.

Sadly my family could never come to my party and relate or even try to understand me.  Whatever excuses I give to my family in understanding their different traumas that is a terrible truth for me, and it was not for want of asking or carrying my own weight and contributing.

This vid discusses emotional contagion and empathy. I have had to tease out both concepts a lot in my family, and was probably very empathic, but not significant or strong enough to sway the course of events, despite all my caring.

Contagion and mimicry and picking up vibes ... is different to compassion.  Empathy across different groups can be harder than birds of a feather flocking together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFaL35CTVE0 

She apologises for being nerdy but I need that level of intelligent discussion. It puts perspective into all the human experiences apart from pathologising terms, which sadly were abundant in my family.

I like that she mentions first person experience. 

The I, you, we and them concepts are important to put in perspective.

I see real compassion as an extension of the imagination and the heart or feelings ... not just coming from a similar background.

In many ways this friend had a very different background though we lived in public housing which a lot of people dump together.  My family were not loud, or drinkers and were much poorer but more thoughtful, sensitive and creative.

Any thoughts @Sophia1 @tyme @Faith-and-Hope @Dimity @tonys 

[Shaz51]

Hugs my @Appleblossom ❤️❤️

[tonys]

@Appleblossom Thankyou for thinking to send this to me.   My isolation, history,   and intellectual disability,    means that it is very rare for something like this to be shared with me.

And the way I'm put together mentally ,  makes It hard to unpack,  comprehend 

Can  the other rusty tools in my head can interact with it. 

Yes I know Im talking about my self,   but  I  hope that In amongst this gem you sent me, there are other gems that explain how the death of certain areas of the brain can have profound effects on a subjects perception of people and the world they interact in.

I like to tell stories of my experience and share my brand of humour.   All i have in my limited bag  is what kept me alive,...  not what helped me to. . . . thrive....     So

Ive long known that I'm least able to offer comfort and advice.  Im not qualified or equipped mentally.    Having the Intelligence to resist the urge to try,     Its  hard  for me.

Poems  , stories.  shareing some humour.  I  hoped  that  this could  be    a  place. 

Is this the place for me...?           We know its  definatley  not.    and I can easily do more harm than good,    I have lost the joy of unpacking my stories and poems for fear of people taking them too seriously.    and  I  think you have seen  my attempts to find a place   that  is for people with  [ intellectual  disability] ,....  rather than   'mental health issues'.  But the little thats out there is hard to navigate...

I've been trying to assimilate with a website called Kinora. think i spelt that wrong,  but its early days.   They are going to send help... and so  I tread carefully here till  I find the right home to unpack.

The video stirred lots of questions for me.   How do I know when something is toxic.  Where is the line where an exchange turns to abuse..    How do I end something I feel may lead to more abuse.  Is it abusive to stop interacting with someone you dont understand  and how do you do it nicely.   the purpose of life is happiness.   . I fear  abuse and dont understand it,   The few empathy tools I have in my bag are simply not adequate,  and  I find on these forums they seem to be the ones I need the most.

  Thankyou so much again for this missing  piece of the puzzle  Look forward to more

  
 tonys , moon base 1

[Sophia1]

@Appleblossom 

I am not able to watch the videos at the moment due to what is happening all around me in life.

My strong sense of empathy has been trodden into the ground too often.

For me no one friendship is the same.

My friends are all so different to each other and I believe that is why they are my friends they offer something different which I love.

They also accept my difference which has been an issue for me throughout my life...

That to me is real friendship...

Respect...honesty....Listening....Hearing....Showing concern and care and much more all go without saying..

I would love to write more however, my fear is that I will respond and be misinterpreted..

so whilst I have this very stuff happening in real life I feel out of respect for you and myself as well as all others reading it is better for me to express no more...

another time...perhaps..

my thoughts are mine and you will have invaluable input from others..

Believe in you Appleblossom always..

your friend still I hope

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

Yes @tonys 

My answer to you is Yes, yes, yes...

This is most definitely the place for you, if you are referring to the forums..

I am taking this over to my other thread so as not to upset the discussion here or upset anyone..

Follow the breadcrumbs....

[Dimity]

Thanks for sharing @Appleblossom . I agree with you and others it's problematic. 

Empathy as distinct from compassion... yes...  and the notion of emotional contagion makes sense of either mirroring or going into anxiety-induced responses like freeze or fawn. 

You're fortunate to have been able to rekindle the connection with your old friend  I imagine there's been a lot of water under the bridge for both of you, especially considering your differences.