Lived Experience Forum

[Historylover]

@Owlunar   I just need to apologize to you Dec for my response to yours.  When I arrived here I had just been through an horrific trauma and had tried everyway I could to find someone who understood and could help me - A&E, GPs, a psychologist - once, a psychiatrist - twice, several government and community services etc.  I was so desperate.  I just wanted to get some help but felt so misunderstood at every turn.

Your response made me feel misunderstood again and I did not respond well.  I  had reached the point where I couldn't take anymore.

We are all suffering here and I hadn't realized that those who responded were other than psychologists, counsellors etc.  I just wasn't thinking clearly.  And I'm just not used to people anymore - and certainly not genuinely well-meaning ones.  

I am truly sorry.  

[Owlunar]

Hi @Historylover 

I really appreciate your post - I realised I was misunderstood when I read your reply and I do tend to sit back and think myself when there is such a reaction. I find this is better because - as you have just done - people can reach back if they want to

I do understand actually - when I read some of your posts - I need to take the time to read your thread because I don't know your story but there is something that really struck me when I read what you wrote after I had

Kids are in a bad place and into self-harm and suicide and I have been badly hurt by this myself. Although I had no trouble getting help for myself during the dark years of my life I couldn't get help for my teenage son who resisted therapy - actually refused help - would not talk about what bothered him - had poor self-esteem and really - he was a badly mixed-up kid with some kind of mental illness

The system failed both of us badly and they say self-harm can be a cry for help but to whom are they crying when they self-harm. Whatever my son wanted was not something I could have dealt with - they say it takes a village - well - that "village" didn't help - my own family didn't help and my then-h was a lose cause - 

I did hear you - I didn't respond well - actually - I don't think I even got it at the time - but I do know what it's like to search and search for help only to have doors closed in my face - hence your face - a lot of faces. True - some facts of life cannot be changed and it takes time and increasing maturity to learn to accept the past even if it was terrible - accepting doesn't take away the facts - accepting is really hard actually

But - alas - my son died - and it was his choice - a scatterbrained kid who really never thought things through - and it really hurts to this day though it was well over 30 years ago now. I have accepted what happened but it is of course - still terrible

And this week - on A Current Affair - they brought up the subject of young people and mental health and how many people are turned away from hospital after hospital because there are no beds - and this is really appalling. How frustrating is that for the people who genuinely try to help - the parents - older siblings - workers who get swamped by the demand exceeding the supply. They seem to find room in prisons. The Mental Health System is so badly underfunded it begs questions that cannot be answered

I am glad you responded - I need to read your thread to know more about you and your life - I was blunt with my reply and for this I am sorry. I am actually one of those people who care a lot. Unfortunately I am not in a position to do much about this now although I did in the past

Thanks

Dec

[Historylover]

@Owlunar   Thankyou for that Dec.  It's always nice to know that we can undo somethings done in haste.  None of us here would deliberately hurt another.  We hurt too much ourselves and are all simply trying to support each other the best we can.  Sometimes we all misunderstand and perhaps miss the mark - but we can't get it right every time.  We are only human.  

I am so sorry for your loss - and my loss - and everyone else's loss.  This site has taught me much and I continue to learn more each day.  It is not until we begin to unravel each other's reason for being here that we realize how little we really know about others.  

I know you care a lot, Dec, that is why you had responded.  Thankyou for that and for accepting my apology.

[Historylover]

Oh, and @Owlunar - I was just doing some random browsing on the site before logging off and chanced across your astronomy posts.  FASCINATING!!  I'm up to page 9.

I've long had a niggling thought that I would like to buy a telescope and recently joined a U3A course on the subject but dropped out because I was amazed at how little I actually knew and knew that I would have to learn more before I could take fullest advantage of the course. 

I really think I will need a telescope before I am able to get some perspective because pictures take me some of the way but actually sighting things helps me get things in perspective.  So much to learn and I am starting from a position so far behind everyone else!

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Historylover 

It is really good to clear things up - I am glad for that

And thanks for both responses to my posts on this thread - I did read several posts on a different thread - in response to @chibam  - it rang bells for me - I took come from a fractured family and wonder often why - when they couldn't help my son once a month for dinner that he was mine challenge 24/7 even when he went into foster care. My realationship with my parents and siblings broke down completely and after our son died my ex and I separated and we have been divorced for decades. I supposed it is natural to want to have our families in our lives but this didn't happen in my family - I had a good relationship with my father for the last years of his life but not my mother - in fact it wasn't until after she died that I realised that she didn't wear her hearing aids and this doesn't help communication. I didn't know about this at the time.

Such is life - and I do relate to the difference in lives when we are pretty much alone and have to make all the efforts when it comes to relationships - it ain't easy being green. Psychologically less toxic which has to be better.  I think we need our parents until they die - and even then there are moments when we wish we could "have a word" - whatever that word might be

I wish you the best - you write very well - I hope you stay and contribute here as you are an interesting person with great insight - I managed my mental health issues a long time ago but sometimes still havePTSSD moments of anxiety and then also Chronic Pain and my grief over my son - his life has left me with PTSD - which maybe is just normal and not a disorder. 

Thanks again

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Historylover 

Thanks for your comment on the astronomy thread - I enjoy doing this - something things are really active in our skies - plenty of planets around - last year we had a pretty bad winter - I was able to go to Queensland twice - this year - the skies have been very clear and it has been interesting

Not much seemed to happen last year - we had a rotten and very cold winter in Melbourne in 2019 - this year - with my health and the current lockdown in Melbourne the night sky has been wonderful. 

At the moment Saturn and Jupiter have been travelling across the sky together getting closer - they rise late in the evening and set very early in the morning. Mars is in the sky most of the night and Venus is brilliant first thing - 

I don't have a telescope - I take the pics with my android and expand them - it can be a mixed feast when I do this - a tiny movement disorts the images - but I have had a great time this past winter when the nights are so long

Thanks for the feedback - 

Dec

[Historylover]

@Owlunar   Thankyou again for your response.  I found your posts on your astronomy site show me who you are. 

How VERY interesting people are when we have the opportunity to take the time to get to know them -  when we get away from our problems!

I am taking the time to get to know myself better now - now that I am taking the time to interact with others in this way.  I thought I was an alright person but at the moment I feel quite immature and with so much to learn - but life is like that anyway and that can only be a good thing.  

I have tried to get away from the site on several occasions but find myself coming back for a further browse.  And then I find myself staying for more 'lessons in life'!  I'll probably complete the 'course'.  We're very lucky to have it - especially during lockdown.

P.S. Now I understand your photograph accompanying your screen-name.  It's an eclipse!

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Historylover 

Yes! It is an eclipse - and the pick spot in the middle is a little owl I was using as my avatar at the time,and one of the members put the image of a solar eclipse and the owl together in the one picture for me and I just love this and I am sticking with it

It's all about who I am I think - owls are my meme and I love them - I have 30 to 40 inside and outside my home - they are not overpoweringly large - just ornaments and some are tiny. 

I have learned a great deal in the years I have been a forum member here - I get a lot out of it - being so active has helped me to look inwards and mature - I read back on threads - including my own - from time to time - this is a good way to notice how my thinking is developing

I came here about a year after my mother died - complicated grief - it's really hard when we lose someone who had a positive influence our lives but when the relationship was toxic - for me it was harder and I had to seek help - one thing I did was join this forum and here - people can express themselves on topics - like suicide - other sites I was in this was a no-go area which is  rough

The coronvirus is affecting the whole world - we are living in an historical event right now. I grew up close to my grandmother who talked about the Spanish Flu, Titanic and both World Wars all the time - in the future people will be telling their grandchildren - people will write songs and stories - it will be taught in school - wow

Dec

[Historylover]

@Owlunar   I'm in Melbourne too and every night I have gone outside in recent weeks to satisfy my emerging fascination I am finding the sky to be clouded over.  I give up easily when I know so little but I can see it is an interest which won't be going away.  Unfortunately I am one who gets lost reading a map and there is so much need for a sense of direction to gain a proper perspective on movements in the sky.  Perhaps it will improve as I learn more. 

You have an amazing amount of knowledge on the subject.  How lucky you were to have had grandparents who took such an interest in your education.  You must have soaked it up like a sponge.  It's all the luck of the draw when it comes to the value families place on education as to the direction our lives take from it. So many people think that when we leave school we don't need any further education.  How wrong they are!  The more we learn the more advantage we have in life and we all need to raise our families to higher planes than have preceded us - in my opinion.

Many of my ancestors came out of the coalmines of Durham for many, many generations where the main concern would have been in getting a job and providing for family.  I'm trying to catch up and hoping that eventually I will be able to instil these most valuable lessons to my family.  

I am amazed that you don't have a telescope!  Perhaps I will just get a pair of binoculars myself then.  There is a telescope etc. shop close by and I am looking forward to going in for a browse when everything opens up again.  

I have been feeling rather clever that I have been able to identify Jupiter and was amazed in the last week when I found the moon to have changed its position so markedly around 7.00 a.m.  I had even felt-pen marked its position on my window one day so that I could compare it as the days progressed.  Perhaps I have made a mistake though - but it didn't seem so.

[Historylover]

@Owlunar   How creative of the person who put your pictures together!

Yes, I agree on the importance of being able to talk things through without sanction - as far as possible.  How can others help if the poster is stifled?  

Your family relationships seem very tangled too.  It's a prevalent thread here I think. 

As for what I am gaining here - I am not only noticing how my thinking develops but also how my moods are undulating - but the undulations are becoming less

pronounced. 

P.S.  When visible - do ALL planets shine the brightest?