Lived Experience Forum

[constantcrying]

I don't know what to do anymore.  My life has fallen apart in the last year.  I moved from Canberra to Brisbane last year and my life has gone downhill fast.  First my mum got sick.  Then I lost my job.  And in May my husband left me.

Ive just found out he had also been a member of Ashley Madison since last year and I'm devastated.  I thought I was starting to get over our breakup, but now i feel like I'm back to square one.  Everyday I cry.  I cry and I can't stop.  I loved him so much.  He was everything to me.  We did everything together.  Now I'm a disgusting mess who doesn't take care of herself and is still unemployed (well I have a part-time job but it ends next month).

I really don't see the point in going on.  I'm so miserable.  Everyday I wish that I just wouldn't wake up.  The only thing making me get out of bed each morning is my two pets.  Everything else in my life is pure misery.  I have barely any friends and I don't have family near me anymore.  I can't understand why if he was so unhappy he didn't leave me when we were in Canberra and he and I both had support. 

I can't see any reason to continue. I want to end my life and it to all be over

[Mosaic]

Hi @constantcrying so glad you found us on the Forums here and thanks for your bravery in sharing some of your story.

I am so sorry to hear about all that you've been though recently. It sounds like you've been struck with a string of really difficult losses all at the same time - the loss of your mum's health, the loss of your job and the loss of your marriage. That's a lot to try to cope with. I can't imagine how painful it must have been to realise your husband was an Ashley Maddison account holder, I have heard about the devistating impact that website has had on so many relationships all over the world. I know so many women out there could relate to the sense of grief you've going through.

It sounds like you're feeling really low today, and have been thinking about suicide. I really want to encourage you that if you continue to feel low today that you reach out to one of these services for more support.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Also - while we are not a crisis service please know as a community we are here for you too - you don't deserve to go through this alone. You are among friends here 🙂

It's amazing how pets can be the greatest comfort, can't they? I have a little cat at home and he is honestly one of the greatest joys of my life! If I've had a hard day, I just think about him and it warms my heart 🙂 Can I ask what type of pets do you have? Dogs? Cats?

Hope to keep seeing you around the place here - if only for a bit of distraction from everything else that's going on. Take care of yourself today.

[Former-Member]

Hi @constantcrying.
I'm sorry to hear that you are having a really difficult time right now. I've experienced something similar to you with my husband leaving me for someone else shortly after I had moved interstate with him. I came back home to get support at the time and wondered if it was possible to do this for you. If you have family that care maybe they could help you relocate home again. I'm not sure if you've tried getting any help but it sounds like it might be worthwhile to have some professional supports in place as well.

I have found having a counsellor invaluable and is a large reason I get through each day. I also find the support on the forum helps a lot as well to get through the day. If you want to see a counsellor to help you can visit your GP for a mental health care plan to give you up to 10 visits with a Medicare rebate a year.

I'm really glad you have your pets. What pets do you have?

Wishing you all the best. 💜😊

[Princessmolly]

Aw hun im so sorry you are going through such a rough patch. Is there any way you can just cut your losses and move back to canberra where you have support. It dosent feel like it i know but you are too good for someone so deceitful

[constantcrying]

Hi @Mosaic,

Thanks for your reply.  I have a dog and a cat.  I took my dog for a walk just after I wrote my post so am feeling slightly better.  Hopefully my better mood will last a while.

thanks.

[constantcrying]

@Princessmolly I have thought about moving back to Canberra, but I always had health issues when I was there so don't really want to go back if I can help it.  I actually really love Brisbane, it's just crappy that he did this to me.  It also hurts that he blames everything going wrong in our relationship on me.  I haven't confronted him about the Ashley Madison thing as I only found out about that accidentally last week and we've been split up for a few months now, so it seems kind of pointless now.  I just know now that i'll never go back to him (not that he wants me back anyway, but I was living in hope that would change).