Lived Experience Forum

[roses1]

@Former-Member thank you for sharing this. It gives me insight into what might be happening with my son. He will ring me up and just talk and talk over the same things and get angry if I try to give him advice. Sounds like i should just let him talk.

[Former-Member]

@roses1 

Yes exactly just listen

He will slowly calm down

Traumas r often linked which im learning thru having EMDR done.

I go thru one trauma & then another comes into my mind

When im on a ramble i just gradually wear myself out & my head quietens a little. It stay for a few days then im totally normal.

Most people give advice but when someone is rambling on let them get it out as theyre reacting to whats coming up in their brain be it past memories unsaid things etc

I avoid calling many help lines cause they dont get this.

Its a different state of being. Its like ur not in present moment & rather reliving past pain.

Whereas when u r upset in present time ur brain can process advice options solutions

Possibly hard to tell the difference thru the ph but if u saw me in that rambling on state you would see by my eyes that im viewing past memories rather than looking at someones eyes

[Former-Member]

@roses1 

Someone said to me yrs ago they could tell when i wasnt right cause i was like a stuck record going over & over the incident. It just repeats in my head & its hard to change the subject with me. 

For me its usually that i need to report something or something has been done unjustly to me. Something isnt sitting right & my brain cant let go of the incident.

Im nowhere near as bad on meds & its definitely got less over the yrs as ive spoken out more & reported more things.

Yrs ago if i was short changed 5cents i couldnt ask for the 5cents. True i just couldnt speak out so it bottles up inside u & then explodes at some point

[Former-Member]

@roses1 

@Shaz51 

@saturnzoon 

@Gazza75 

@Appleblossom 

@roses1 

Anyone else with bpd

I literally today got my true confirmed diagnosis.

For 25yrs theyve had it wrong

No wonder i stopped getting help & tried so hard on my own.

For about 3yrs i saw 2 psychiatrist weekly. Why didnt they get my diagnosis right?

I saw this one on skype for 2 sessions & i know shes got it fully right. Well she had to also cause its for my dva claim.

No wonder i didnt get the correct help nor understanding. Think they just werent very good at their job looking back.

I was in the way too hard basket i think.

Im so glad i survived army & am now granted dva white card to get EMDR.

I firmly believe this condition is all from traumas & the best known treatment for trauma is emdr. 

Well anyway thats my theory from all the research i did & i can certainly say it works with the right therapist. Mine has yrs of experience with it & i can tell also.

So i trust him

He doesnt trigger me off either & thats a huge +

Isnt it sad that its taken 25yrs to get to the root of this.

At least my private psychiatrist i get end nov will b able to follow on with correct info tho.

Think when u r as messed up as i was u wouldnt know if a diagnosis was correct or not.

I was so withdrawn & mistrusting of anyone. I lived in survival mode for many yrs. On guard like. Unable to work or function really at all. Bounced from one rental to another cause everyone was ripping me off & triggering me off. I couldnt speak out tho. Humans just took advantage of me. Like they knew i couldnt speak out. Sad when i look back.

People can be so cruel to someone lost & withdrawn

[Former-Member]

@

BPD Awareness featuring SPECTRUM VIC

@roses1 

@Shaz51 

@saturnzoon 

@Gazza75 

@Appleblossom 

@roses1 

Anyone else with bpd

You know what really shocked me was the attitude towards this diagnosis

Like it wasnt really a mental illness.

Mental health nurses saying og thats a great diagnosis cause theres help for that one.

Another said well theres really no meds for that

So i thought to myself is she giving me permission to just go off meds & it should all b ok?

If thats the case then why do i crack so badly

& then its like its all you its all in my head . basically saying its all my fault.

Cause im just reacting & the average person wouldnt. 

Well hang on the average person hasnt survived what ive survived. I know that cause when i start to tell the average person my life they go pale. Their jaw drops & they dont know what to say

Whilst they had a family married & spat out 5 kids i went to hell & back surviving abuse in all different ways.

But im now told theres no meds for this. You know why its cause its all from traumas. We r far from crazy!

Im very intelligent & intuitive. Highly. Yeah im in the gifted register.was in engineering in army. Im not dumb im very clear thinking just have no control over my emotions. Whos fault is that. Its not my fault but so many in this Medical profession seem to believe i do have control over it.

Ill give u a simple example

Loads of women have a stillborn born. Next pregnancy boy do they stress.simply because theyve only experienced the worst so nurses say everytime u get stressed come up here & have a check. So u do & everything is fine they acknowledge your fear & u settle.

Hey a bpd person can b going thru this crap daily! Yes i was. I avoided people cause everyone triggered me off. Did i have anywhere to go that related to my intense fears no.

So i remained a hermit completely.

The pregnancy was easy cause i got the support.

Normal people had that tho.

Ive had trauma upon trauma. So much i just dont remember.

Yeah until im triggered. Then no1 understands why im bringing up crap from yrs ago so they so im living in the past or im neg.

How can i b a neg person when i exercise daily do singing prac 5x a wk & now teach myself piano.

I dont think so. I dont sit around thinking of my past at all.

Complex ptsd is very hard & personally i think bpd is like millions of ptsd together.

I joined a choir when i moved here. I was told by my singing teacher to go in alto section so i did. Well this lady 2nd time clearly didnt want me sitting next to her so she started to complain to me saying i should sit there or there or there. Great welcome she was. She wouldnt shut up. Went on & on. Eventually the trauma flared up in my head. Voice inside my head said uv gotta get outa here. I knew no1 & this was my 2nd day so i ran outa there crying. Naturally the head person thought it pathetic of me to quit after one tiny upset. But i question had this happened to her. Of course not or she would have related to how painful it was. Id just driven 4days with everything i owned in my car to a new town not knowing anyone.

Oh yeah thats right with a mental illness that apparently doesnt require meds.

I wish. I hate taking a pill to keep me alive because of what people have done to me

[Appleblossom]

There is a heap in your posts.  @Former-Member  I cant respond to it all atm, but I wanted to say to you I hear you about being treated badly in the choir.  It can be very disturbing, even when we know it is the other person's problem.  Singing opens up our hearts and the connectedness to ourselves and the people around us matter.

  I have needed to post about these kind of issues as they get in the way of me being social and cause a lot of ruminating and self doubt and triggering of rejection and abandonment feelings.

BPD is a big deal.

Take Care

[saturnzoon]

I managed to get to the BPD event forum from Tuesday and read all the texts, what i didn't know were all the different therapies,  only the DBT one I knew about which I did a couple of years ago and hasn't helped.

The MBT sounds like a good one that  might. Help so I'm going to Google it and check it all and see if you have to have hospital cover and if you do then that's me out, and then I'll check out the others they said about, I just hope that some of them you don't have to have private hospital cover. And I wonder if there different for each states where maybe some are free depending where we are.

@Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Former-Member @roses1 @FigBell0917 @Determined @outlander 

@Permacultura @FleurdeLis @BlueBay @Lise07 @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@saturnzoon 

Yay so cool

I use EMDR & its great but some find it way too traumatic.

I dont tho & am getting results from it very quickly

Hope u find one that works for u hey

Its very important i feel

[outlander]

I haven't heard of MBT @saturnzoon but might be worth looking into if you think itll help you to progress more.
I haven't don't much past cbt and exposure therapy along with learning some dbt skills myself

[Appleblossom]

For me things are still too much like soup, and not a nice clear alphabet soup.  The "spectrums" are many. My brother was diagnosed with BPD sometimes, but it was changed according to whether the doctors wanted to detain or discharge him. That was in the weekend of closing Montt Park and he died, so I call him a martyr to the psychiatric de-institutionalisation movement.

It is good that there are more therapies available now. Each person is unique but there is not always enough attention to specific needs.

Mostly my "therapy" has been a counsellor mentioning the outline of a therapy but rarely following through, as too much was really going on.  Now I am older and my youngest child is "adult".  I have more time to go through things, but it is a little bit like closing the gate after the horse has bolted.  Anyway "therapy" has been one strand of my life. Cost me a bloomin fortune, so these days it is good to be able to have a little money to spend on other things than necessities.  I count myself lucky in some ways, but the tragedies were real, and rarely properly acknowledged.  Most people simply cannot cope with hearing about it.

@saturnzoon  I would think attention to your boys issues and a family therapy dynamic, would be as important as focussing on your label or diagnosis.  Its all interconnected. IMO

Take Care ALL