14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Karen do you still have private health cover? if you do you will go into a private clinic, it would not be like last time if you go into a private clinic, and i thought i read @NikNik saying you can do an out-patient treatment, which means you can still go home of a night.

[hiddenite]

Thanks for the support Jacques I appreciate your unconditional support.
My private health insurance will only cover me for impatient treatment.

Unfortunately I cannot come up with a way to help myself and my deterioating mental health and support two children who have weekly appointments with a psychologist and have trauma issues.
their health and well being becomes before mine.

[Former-Member]

Hi @hiddenite,
It's so hard but as mums we do have to put their needs first. And that means making sure that we are around for them no matter how hard it is for us. If you do need the safety of the mhu in the private hospital for a break from having to worry about it, thats ok. Your mum and dad sound like they love your girls a lot, despite the things that they say to you. I hope that what they say is more out of ignorance and perhaps some desperation in not knowing how to help you. take care of you, LJ

[Jacques]

i understand Karen,

i know it is a tough situation to find yourself in, i am happy to support you no matter what.

I am glad you are getting help for the girls, i am sure in time they will appreciate what you have done for them, i wish i had of got help when i was younger, could have saved myself all the trauma i am going through now.

hang in their Karen, remember break the night into hours/ minutes, try to remember mindfullness and hold onto your crystals, keep them close, i am their in spirit Karen, you are worth help Karen, you are worthy of happyness, don't ever allow someone to tell you otherwise.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Thanks Lj you are right its just such a difficult decision. One I don't know how to make I feel guilty what ever I do.
so I struggle to fight another day.

J I'm really trying.

[NikNik]

Hi @hiddenite
I have so much respect for the commitment you have for your children's wellbeing. You in their lives is so important. So it's about finding that balance of looking after yourself so you can continue to being a great mum.

I think it's great that the treating team is chatting to your mum. As @Baboo said, they can play an objective, educative role for your mother. I think it's appalling what she said about you playing the victim - which is a terrible stigma some people hold for anyone with mental health issues.

Perhaps a chat with professionals will steer her towards a better understanding.

If things escalate tonight it's really important to call Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back (1300 659 467)

Thinking of you

[NikNik]

@Jacques
I don't think you have sat at home and done nothing. I think you have been an exceptional carer for your mum. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

I also believe that we worry more about what people are going to think of our pasts than people actually do. If someone is going to judge you for your past - they aren't worth knowing.

But those who are worth having in our lives will judge you on how you treat them and how you make them feel.

We put so much pressure on ourselves in social situations - when 90% of what we fear doesn't actually happen or isn't as bad as we imagined.

I think you're great - so to me it's a shame for others not to get to experience that 🙂

[Appleblossom]

What about your plans for your new home?  Are there practical things you can start doing about that.  Finding school, doctor and supports in new area. Make lists of things that need to be done.  It is the daily grind but try and find a way to break it up into small bits. 

I hope your treating team will fill you in about what goes down tomorrow.  Have you had meetings with your doctors and your parents in the room before?

[Jacques]

Karen, firstly you didn't "allow" him to do anything, he would have done those things no matter what you did, you where protecting your children, i see so many people take injuries to protect their families.

Karen our lives are such a mess, but you have been thinking of the future lately, maybe we need to change the conversation onto something more positive.  i think @Former-Member asked you about what colour you are going to paint the house, i am wondering what you have planned for the house? how are the costumes going?

i so wish i could sit beside you and offer support, comfort, in this difficult time, i know you are trying your best, that is all we can ask of yourselves.

make sure you are safe tonight, you know how it works, i am going for a walk in the morning, i want you to do the same, promise?

keep safe my angel, here is a teddy to keep you company

Jacques

[Jacques]

Yes @NikNik, you are right, i do think the worst and it usually does not turn out like that, but it is so hard for me to turn off the negative thoughts.

thank you for saying i am great, i wish i could see myself as something other than a failure, maybe one day.

i just wish i could move into a forest in the middle of nowhere and live isolated from the whole world, no contact with anyone, just me and the wildlife.

I just can't understand why people want to know me, or know what i am doing,  i have not seen any friend in 14 years, i have not knowen them longer than we have been friends, i don't understandwhy they can't move on. leave me alone.

Thank you for your support Nicole, it means alot.

Jacques