Lived Experience Forum

[chibam]

I'm having to take a detailed trip down memory lane - specifically some of the most unpleasant parts of my struggle - and, as you can probably imagine, it's taking a toll on me. Already, I am having difficulty sleeping and finding myself getting worked up periodically.

So I'm wondering if anyone on here has some tips on how to take the edge off the distress when you have to go delving deep into your ugly history? I figure that there's probably people on here who've had to relive painful memories for court cases, ect. Did you pick up any tricks on how to take the edge off the impact of reliving it all, so you can just plow ahead and get it over with?

[greenpea]

@chibam  Hi chibam  I dont know ..... I wish I knew as it would help getting through the day to day struggles of just existing. Just letting you know you are not alone. peax

[chibam]

Thanks, @greenpea 

I get what your saying. The taint always seems to stick with us, doesn't it?

But IMHO, when you need to deliberately delve back into it (and focus on the details), the difficulties become so much heavier.

[Razzle]

Hi @chibam 

I had to do this a year or so ago.  I have a history of CSA which I kept the lid on for over 40years.  My history started to impact my life and I started to see a councillor.  After quite a few months it was time to bring

my husband into the conversation, he knew I had a history but he didn't know any real detail.

Up to that point I hadn't told my councillor everything either, and I found it extremely hard to voice things out loud.  So the weekend before I saw my councillor (the appointment that was to include my husband was going to be a few days later after that) I sat down with a note

pad and wrote out everything in detail.  It took all weekend to do, stopping and starting and it was horrendous.  I literally drank myself through the whole weekend, by the time I got to the councillor I was a wreck.

All I could do was hand him the note pad and sit back wishing the ground  would open up and swallow me.

A few days later when my husband joined our session I sat there and

listened to my councillor read out every gory detail to him.

I don't know if I have any useful tips at all,  but I guess I just bit the bullet and got it all over and done with at

once.

Councilling up to that point was about gaining trust in the councillor enough to get my story out.  Working on little bits at a time, which looking back now I realise wasn't working all that well because the councillor didn't have the complete picture anyway.

If you have to delve into it, then my advice for what worked for me is to just get straight into it, don't drag it out making the pain go on any longer than it needs to.

[chibam]

That sounds like really great advice, @Razzle. Thanks!

Sorry about your suffering, BTW.

[Appleblossom]

@chibam 

It can depend on why you need to delve. 

If it is dealing with official things and outside deadlines like courts ... or for personal growth and getting clear on a chain of events.

At times I have needed to look at uncomfortable files, ie coroners reports, and have put it off til I was "Up" for the job, with plenty of time set aside to just process ...

 but sometimes it is intrusive thoughts and you do not have control over any of it ....

Take Care with it

[chibam]

Thanks @Appleblossom. 

Yeah, I have a deadline, but it's not immanent, so the time pressure is light-ish. But as @Razzle says, maybe it's just better got plow through it ASAP, like ripping off a bandaid.

Of course, completely bailing out is another option, but then I have to wrestle with concerns about being selfish/lazy, and eventual regret for not utilizing my chance to speak up.

Ultimately, I suspect the best course is to go ahead rather then bail out, but that doesn't make it any easier.

[Appleblossom]

Sounds like your mind is made up @chibam Gently harness all the reasons why you should.

I also do the fast and quik and done approach.

LIfe is one tough gig.

Cheers