Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

COPING WITH FLASHBACKS
by psychcentral.com

Flashbacks are memories of past traumas. They may take the form of pictures, sounds, smells, body sensations, feelings, or the lack of them (numbness).

Many times there is no actual visual or auditory memory with flashbacks (just the random onset of emotion). One may have a sense of panic, of being trapped, or a feeling of powerlessness with no awareness of a memory stimulating it. These experiences can also happen in dreams.

During the past initial crisis, the survivors had insulate her/himself from the emotional and physical horrors of the trauma impact. In order to survive, that insulated part of the self remained isolated, unable to express the feelings and thoughts of that time. It is as though the survivor put that part of her/his self into a time capsule, which later surfaces and comes out as a flashback, feeling just as intense in the present as it did during the crisis.

When that part comes out, the survivor is experiencing the past as if it were happening today. The intense feelings and body sensations occurring are frightening because the feelings/sensations are not related to the reality of the present, and many times seem to come from nowhere.

The survivor may begin to think she/he is crazy and is afraid of telling anyone of these experiences. The survivor may feel out of control and at the mercy of her/his experiences.

Flashbacks are unsettling and may feel overwhelming because the survivor becomes so caught up in the trauma that she/he forgets about the safety and security of the present moment, and thus may appear to others to be acting strange .

What Can I Do To Help During a Flashback?

1. Tell yourself that you are having a flashback

2. Remind yourself that the worst is over. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are memories of the past (an echo). The actual event has already occurred and you survived. Now it is the time to let out the terror, rage, hurt, and/or panic. Now is the time to honor your experience.

3. Get grounded. This means stamping your feet on the ground to remind yourself that you have feet and can get away now if you need to. (There may have been times before when you could not get away, now you can.) Being aware of all five senses can also help you ground yourself.

4. Breathe. When we get scared we stop normal breathing. As a result our body begins to panic from the lack of oxygen. Lack of oxygen in itself causes a great deal of panic feelings; pounding in the head, tightness, sweating, feeling faint, shakiness, and dizziness. When we breathe deeply enough, a lot of the panic feeling can decrease. Breathing deeply means putting your hand on your diaphragm, pushing against your hand, and then exhaling so the diaphragm goes in.

5. Reorient to the present. Begin to use your five senses in the present. Look around and see the colors in the room, the shapes of things, the people near, etc. Listen to the sounds in the room: your breathing, traffic, birds, people, cars, etc. Feel your body and what is touching it: your clothes, your own arms and hands, the chair, or the floor supporting you.

6. Get in touch with your need for boundaries. Sometimes when we are having a flashback we lose the sense of where we leave off and the world begins; as if we do not have skin. Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a pillow or stuffed animal, go to bed, sit in a closet, any way that you can feel yourself truly protected from the outside.

7. Get support. Depending on your situation you may need to be alone or may want someone near you. In either case it is important that your close ones know about flashbacks so they can help with the process, whether that means letting you be by yourself or being there.

8. Take the time to recover. Sometimes flashbacks are very powerful. Give yourself time to make the transition form this powerful experience. Don’t expect yourself to jump into adult activities right away. Take a nap, a warm bath, or some quiet time. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Do not beat yourself up for having a flashback.

9. Honor your experience. Appreciate yourself for having survived that horrible time. Respect your body’s need to experience a full range of feelings.

10. Be patient. It takes time to heal the past. It takes time to learn appropriate ways of taking care of yourself, of being an adult who has feelings, and developing effective ways of coping in the here and now.

~~~

1995-2016 Psych Central
http://psychcentral.com/lib/coping-with-flashbacks/

[pip]

Footnote. My brother is 5 years my senior, too old to behave so disgustingly. I was 8, he was 13 when it started. At 15, he was 20.

[pip]

TAWNEY. With regards to 'flashbacks'. I used to suffer PTSD as a result of abuse endured as a child. I was 8 when I was first abused, the abuse continued till I was 15. I have overcome most of the bad memories as a result of learning to put them in a 'box' entitled bad memories. Unfortunately, due to the severity of the last abuse I suffered, I can no longer sleep without a nightlight, nor can I sleep with the bedroom door shut. I am in my 60's but 'flashbacks' often re-occur for years after the attack stops. Nightmares, flashbacks anything to do with traumatic events are difficult to deal with, because sometimes these flashbacks return as nightmares while you sleep. You wake and your first thought is, where am I, how did I get here, and how do I escape. Then, you become fully awake and you realize you are safe and it was another nightmare. Returned servicemen often suffer PTSD due to trauma on the battlefield, they deal with this sometimes by talking to other returned 'vets' and being able to share, helps them overcome the trauma. The best person to help anyone deal with PTSD, is someone who has overcome and understands your anger at the helplessness you felt. PTSD is a feeling of helplessness due to circumstances out of your control.

[Former-Member]

Well said @pip, I can connect with everything you said. The childhood trauma surfaces sometimes & I've learned to avoid most triggers. I too still sleep with a light on & don't like closed doors. Nobody talks about this stuff in real life. Don't like being alone with men & frightened of all dark olive & coloured men. This is a real problem ATM with my public (no choice) gynae being lebonese.
But the hardest lately (the last 5yrs) the visual reply of my 13yo dying that tortures me most these. Comes any time but mostly as a nightmare. Live alone so can't debrief so try here on the forums sometimes.
The article was helpful reminding me the feelings can overtake us without the conscious awareness or visual connection. That explains a lot. It frightens me when I phase / disassociate, like floating outside my body, floating, I've roamed around like this in the middle of the night, its also these times I self harm and not feel a thing. Numb, not connected to my body. Do you get this?
Thanks for talking about it pip. Helps.

[pip]

TAWNEY. The self-harm you mention is because that's the 'control' you feel. When you lost your child (my sincere condolences here), you had no control over the loss. Each bad thing that happened was beyond your control, so self- harming gives you the back the control and feeling. To take back the control, without self-harming, try re-focussing on the good things you remember in connection with your child. The first smile, first word, crawling/walking. All the firsts. The pain you're in from the loss is torture, nothing really compares with the pain of losing a child. Now think about the 'peace' the child has. If he/she was in pain, the death (painful for you) but a welcome release for him/her. I have absolutely no doubt you love and miss that child, but given the chance would you really wish them back to suffer? Loving them means letting them go rather than watch them suffer, knowing you can't take the pain away. Even if it was a suicide the pain they were in before is something no parent ever wishes. I feel you have been abused by men who you trusted and they took advantage of your trusting nature. Again my sincerest sympathies are with you. Try to understand and accept the angry helpless feelings with whatever you're dealing with. Take control back by admitting to the anger/frustration you feel. Once you allow yourself to feel the anger/frustration, you will start to feel stronger. Crying helps the anger, crying releases the tension and helps you to feel. The feelings will hurt because you've tried to suppress them. write down how angry and frustrated you feel about your trauma. Write to your child too, tell her/him how much you miss and love her/him. Share what you do to grieve for the loss. I once wrote to my brother and told him exactly what I thought of him, I swore, I called him every conceivable name I could think of. I told him he should have drowned at birth. These were fantasies, but in doing that, I felt better. He never knew, but in my heart, this also released me from the helpless anger I felt at what he'd done. I abused my mother too for allowing it.

[Former-Member]

Wow, thanks pip, very insightful, made me cry, actually my lifelong ability to cry & get upset has bought me much embarrassment & ridicule. I cry a lot. Divorce is up there with the grief loss tears too. I can't get angry anymore. My mother vents anger everywhere, hurting people without remorse, I am determined to not open the flood gat there to anyone but God. Groaning & rocking & playing loud piano pieces can help more.
My girl died of a freak severe asthma attack. What happened to your b other?

[pip]

TAWNEY. The fact that your mum lashes out means she's trying to shift blame. My anger has dissipated. If you cry often and feel embarrassment when you cry, it's highly possible you were taught not to show any emotions. Showing emotions often causes people who don't understand to ridicule and make insensitive remarks. I feel rather sorry for these people, because they're often the ones who feel the most depressed. People who have been supressed, or not allowed to show emotions usually cope with depression by 'boxing on' and denying. If groaning, and playing music loudly helps you, go for it. Anything that gives you release (as long as others are not injured), is good. As far as my brother is concerned, I neither know nor care about him. His existence is not an issue with me. To me it's only through an accident of birth we are related. By opening the 'flood gates' your emotions will heal. I am so sorry for your daughter, I too suffered asthma as a child, that was caused by a mixture of emotion and my father's chronic smoking addiction. My brother's repeated assaults on me also triggered severe asthma attacks. Don't put yourself down because of your divorce either, I am in the process of seeking a divorce. I do not feel as though I've failed. I did initially feel that way, but through some good close male friends (one I really like), I gave the blame back to my ex and his parents. He put them ahead of us, once too often. The male friend I like, I'm hoping the 'like' becomes something else. I haven't actually said to my ex that the blame lies with him. In my heart and mind I gave it back. No-one can hurt me now unless I permit it in my mind. What I'm trying to say is, I OWN me, now. TAWNEY take control back, own your feelings, admit your hurt, grief. Never, ever be ashamed or embarrassed to 'feel'. Don't hide behind your 'public' persona. if someone asks you why you're sad, tell them I'm having a $$%% day. We all have 'days' when we'd rather stay in bed, pull the covers over out head. It's what makes us human. I'm undergoing radiation at the moment. One of the ladies going through it today said, I'm having a $$%% day, we understood, she was honest.

[Adge]

I have frequent emotional flashbacks (without a visual memory) - they've been far more frequent, & more intense in recent weeks.

I have Complex PTSD. I can relate to the description of numbness, which is usually a symptom of dissociation - frequently experienced by people with past trauma.

Adge