Judgements

[PeppiPatty]

I’m wondering how others cope with verbal judgements on how you are coping with being a carer ? 

Today, I got a judgement from my work colleague that i coddle both my husbands and my two sons ...... 

how do others cope with this ?

[greenpea]

@PeppiPatty The other day a taxi driver lectured me that I could be driving for uber for extra money ... I didn't like to say that I am freezing up in cars lately and really have to push myself to get behind the wheel. I basically figure if people want to live my life they cay pay my rent. Other than that they should mind their own business.

[Former-Member]

I find criticism usually stings in the first instance @PeppiPatty especially when we are doing our best with the resources we have in a situation that is far from easy.

Once that initial upset has passed,  I look at who said what and if they know my situation adeuately before I will either disregard their comments or will weigh  up in my own mind if they hold any validity and if there is something that I could do better.  

Most people though, have no idea of what it means to care for someone and their criticisms are based on ignorance. I do not say that unkindly, until I was faced with my husbands mental health illness I had no idea myself and I had a heck of a lot to learn (and am still far from perfect).   

[Shaz51]

ohh my very special friend @PeppiPatty

People say to me " you are always with Mr shaz " yes I am becasuse he feels better when I am with him , he copes better knowing that i am with him xxxx

[Boo13]

@Shaz51@PeppiPatty@Former-Member@greenpea

It is so easy to make judgements when you haven't walked a minute in someone else's shoes.  We all have different experiences in life and each experience has its place in the world.  A shame that some people feel that passing judgement or making comments about others is acceptable and/or warranted.  Perhaps they could better invest their time and energy in trying to understand what others are going through and offering a token of support or kindness.

[Shaz51]

very true @Boo13 

[PeppiPatty]

What wonderful replies @greenpea @Shaz51 @Boo13 @Former-Member

A couple of weeks ago ; when I went through a terrible week with Mr Buddha ; Saturday morning ; I was drinking my coffee ☕️ in the morning and Me dog Arlo tipped my hand and I was reading from my Apple computer laptop; and it’s zapped gone. 

Oh I forgot to write a week before I just finished paring it off a week before and no insurance on it. 

My dearrst friend who has problems of her own yells at me for spoiling Mr Buddha he sleeps too much. So I sent her a review on anti psychotic tablets and the schizophrenia tablets and the negatives for taking them but I’ve learned it’s just better just to pretend not to be married or bring up any glitches to her. 

I get told I pander Mr Buddha. We are both lazy, I should make him walk, quit the medication.  when @greenpea wrote about the Uber driver ; 👍...... I’m there babe. 

I get told that I can’t budget because we struggle sometimes on  disability 

oh I’m just wondering if we can think 🤔 of something to say ????? 

[Former-Member]

What a rough week @PeppiPatty  

I can offer a couple of suggestions if you would like ...

[PeppiPatty]

Hello

Yes please @Former-Member 

Arlo says hello today too  

[Former-Member]

@PeppiPatty  - you have mentioned this is a good friend so these are the type of things I would say (usually with a smile).

Exercise - "you are more than welcome to ask Mr Buddha to accompany you on your daily walk" 

Quitting medication - "if you could write her concerns in a letter I will gladly pass it onto the treating team for their consideration."

Coddling the big fella - "isn't it wonderful to have someone to love"    "he's such a big cuddly bear that needs a lotta loving" 

Budgeting - "yes it is difficult to manage on the DSP, have you found some budget meals (or other money saving ideas) that you could pass on that would help"

Being lazy -

You seem to be concerned that there is a job I have not been able to do - a job shared is a job halved, why don't you help me for 1/2 an hour to tackle the task and get it done. In return I'll help you with a similar job at your place. (You must of course  be prepared to reciprocate if on the rare occasion feel amenable to helping).