Topic Tuesday // Parenting with mental health challenges // Tues 15th Jan, 7pm AEDT

[Former-Member]

Spot on @Former-Member it's like we're perpetually trying to compensate.

Second last question!

For those members that co-parent their children with a previous partner, what are some strategies you have used that can make the experience of co-parenting run a little more smoothly?

[Former-Member]

Love it @Former-Member, I need a bath pillow like Oprah 🛀 

[BelleParentline]

I understand what you mean @CheerBear. Thanks for being so open with this. Tapping into our self-compassion is often a lot easier said than done. A lot of the time it won’t be easy, and it can take time to figure out what messages are most powerful/helpful for you to hear in those times. For the messages to really resonate and make an impact, it usually helps if they come from you and feel realistic. For example some parents think to themselves, “While I wish I was doing better right now, at least I’m … today/this week” (e.g. getting the kids to school on time, or getting up on time). That way you’re acknowledging things aren’t where you’d like them to be, but you’re still acknowledging what you’re doing ok at the moment. What are your thoughts on that? If you can think of a phrase to remind yourself of that fits better, even better 🙂 

[BelleParentline]

@Former-Memberand all - Co-parenting with an ex-partner can be an emotional and complicated time, and something LOTS of parents can struggle with at times. While every family dynamic is different, there are some key things that can be helpful to keep in mind. Being mindful of your own emotions when interacting or communicating with your ex-partner can help you decide how you can best self-care during this time. This might help maintain calm and clear communication with one another. Planning and organisation can reduce a lot of stress also, so many parents use what is called a co-parenting plan. This is a document you and your ex-partner can create together so you are both on the same page with important decisions. It can include a schedule for when and where the kids will stay and for how long, pick ups and drop offs, how holiday times will be shared, how medical decisions will be made, and how finances will be divided. Remember to take your needs into account here and see if you and your ex-partner can negotiate a system that works for you both.

[CheerBear]

That's definitely something to keep in mind and to try more of, thanks @BelleParentline.

[Former-Member]

Yes this is awesome @BelleParentline There's actually a co-parenting scheduling app in development too which is incredibly clever. It even detects when people's tone and language is changing in text form! So if a fight begins to ensue a little bot pops up and reminds both parents to communicate with kindness 🙂

[Former-Member]

Alrighty! Final question for our wonderful guest @BelleParentline

In your experience @BelleParentline...

...What are some common misconceptions clients tend to have about mental health & parenting from your experience at Parentline?

[BelleParentline]

There has been some great discussion tonight everyone, thanks for contributing 🙂 There are a lot that can come up for parents. I think a lot of parents can feel like they are being selfish when it comes to trying to focus on their own needs. What is so important to remember here is that in order for us to care effectively for others or our family, we need to be able to take care of ourselves too. Doing this is not selfish, it is actually making sure you are doing what you can to be there for your kids in a sustainable way. Making sure we reflect on what our physical, emotional and mental health needs are is so important, that way we can identify when our tank is running low and when we need to refill. Modelling self-care to our kids also helps them learn how important it is and how they can learn to do it for themselves.

[Former-Member]

Thanks for the discussion @BelleParentline & @Former-Member

I have to say during school holidays I do feel especially stretched & self care seems like a pipe dream some days too.

I miss my midday power nap to get me through.

Good night & many thanks for Tuesday night topic.

[BelleParentline]

Thank you for joining @Former-Member! 

I hope your mid day naps and ongoing efforts to self-care continue! Hopefully they won't always feel like a pipe dream 🙂 Take care!