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  • Author : Sherry
  • support : 6
  • Topic : Our stories
Senior Contributor
Hi Sadgirl. Firstly thankyou so much for your lovely post. Although I am deeply saddened for what you have had to endure as a child, and now as an adult.

I am lucky - my assault occured when I was an adult - I was 36yo at the time. I cannot imagine what you as a 9-12yo child had to go through. I am so sorry.

I guess you dissociated back then? I did at the time of my rape, for some time after, and still do occasionally. I think suppressed memories are similar to dissociation, in that it is a protection mechanism.

I am now 57yo, so a little older than you. Isnt it strange how our brains work? Do you know what actually caused you to suddenly remember all those suppressed memories when you were 45yo?

I am pleased to hear that EMDR had a beneficial effect for you, as I think it has also for me.

How incredibly sad that your parents abandoned you for something that occurred a long time ago, none of which was any of your fault. If it is any comfort to you - perhaps your Mum particularly feels guilt for not having protected you back then. For not having known that something was up.

I am very sorry that you do not have any family support Sadgirl, thats very unfair and very difficult.

Do you have other friends who you are able to turn to for support when you need it? Are you married, have children of your own?

Exposure Therapy was just awful, but I did persist, where I believe many do give up because its just too hard. My therapist is a very good one, and I trust her. Although even during the therapy I was still not able to vocalise what had happened. I would just clam up, shake, cry and freeze. In the end she asked me to go away and write it all down. And we managed to move on that way.

Now I use writing as a therapy. Whenever I get really low, angry, afraid, I write. It can be long and jumbled, sometimes making little sense. But it helps to get it all out I have found.

That would be hard having to see a new therapist Sadgirl. It took me 2 years to develop enough trust in my psych to tell her about the rape. And in the end I didnt actually tell her, she just managed to pry it out of me unexpectedly. Then it was like the cat was suddenly out of the bag, and I couldnt put it back in again.

But at least your new psych is a specialist in the field, so hopefully that is just what you need. Is BPD Bipolar Disorder? I dont know a lot about it. I do have OCD though, which I developed as a coping method after the rape. It is extremely annoying at times, even though I only have a relatively mild case of it.

Thankyou for the offer to talk anytime. I really appreciate that. Same here. You too take care. xx

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