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Re: Trying makes it worse

@EternalFlower hello eternal flower,   I had now idea that when I clicked on the email,  It would take me to this letter  of yours. .      I  absorbed your words with sadness,  but was so happy to see that so many had clicked on the support box.    It made my last kite to you seem trite and insensitive,  but I had no Idea you were swimming such dark waters.   No humour or tale I offer will assuage the pain of 

the story you are living.     At least I have a little insight now...   what  you  endure.. the walls 

 

This does not detract from the truths I sent earlier.   My skills at comfort are worse than my skills at keeping a tidy home . . .   and mind.     But   here I stand  regardless.   A   Centurion  at the ready. . .

 

When wine from others,  . .  and there will be lots of others, . .  has been brought u some sustenance and peace ,   I  shall be a pillow  for your head to dream on. . .  perhaps. 

 

Thinking of you .    Hear  if you need a chat . . .    tonys   moon base one

 

 

 

Re: Trying makes it worse

Thank you @tonys 

 

I needed to read that, re having skills in comfort , I feel just being here and saying something is hugely brave and super helpful 

 

So many people say nothing when someone is on the edge..they are scared to tip them over 

 

I appreciate ur comments 

 

And invitation.

 

I'm in a lot of pain this evening , I have been struggling. I struggle now to explain it in words. There is internal seas and lots of fear. I am needing someone to talk to. And just then I got your message, so it was a life saver . Thank u

 

 

Re: Trying makes it worse

@EternalFlower    Hello their my friend.    Yes well  im just glad some force of nature revealed that letter to me.   I have not long had a computor,   woeful skills.  and normally time poor..

But as it happens I'm  having a spell of the tractor.....  a little crook , and sporting some stiches,  so ive had a few days to rummage through the paper trails.    How many letters do I miss I wonder.   It worries me. . .

Yes . . . tipping one over the edge,   I have to admit to you,  Its my No 1  concern . . . .

But     . . .   till the tanks arrive ,   we make do with infantry,    you and me. 

 

I know  nothing of the raft you cling to,  but I expect  thats for later,  and for now we just hang on and know our flares have been spotted. . .

 

I spent some time googling some word @Appleblossom  served up and that took me down all sorts of wonderful roads,    and  then  I'm still thumbing through some solid advice from @Sophia1 Maddisons raft is out their too ,   lash em all together and we have the makings of something that will sail  again..   I have to tell you . . . I'm  am  happy little traveller.  and they help me heaps , , ,

So,    once people like this get a good grasp on you. . . !   well,  I  think,   I know,    they will help draw back the curtains  and let the sun splash in again. . .  and  then just for friendship ,    well there are doors all over the place  with  smiles  and a welcome.   .  .So   the enemy is at the gates. . . worry not. . .  I've  posted guards. . . . .  You think of nothing tonight  but sleep.  and  after work  .    I will look especially for you.     well past  sleepy time

 

Goodnight @EternalFlower  Your flower  . . is eternal  O K  . . .   tonys moon base one  

 

Re: Trying makes it worse

 

 

Today I have been communicating with my care team, and pushing myself.

 

Trying 

I am a bundle of nerves.

 

I do not talk to parents, brother or aunt since I got unwell and this is sometimes hard during crises.

 

They just don't get it.

 

I find some people will never get it. Are they weirdly jealous of us? Because we speak about what we live with, and they can't?  Defensive? I don't know.

 

I hope I will be ok....these nights lately sh and si sit with me

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hey @EternalFlower I'm sorry things are hard right now. I admire anyone who can speak up about their mental health. It isn't easy and it shows a lot of strength. I hope you're OK. We sent a check in email, please let us know how you're doing tonight 💝

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hello my friend EF ❤️

@EternalFlower I am here for you. Thankyou again for commenting on my poem. That is a huge compliment!!! I know you know lots about words - & Apple mentioned I write beautifully & meanwhile being in the thick of it... These compliments, & kindness & understanding are better than my diamonds!!

 

I'm having a low day too. I'm going to be around tonight - if you want to chat. I could use the company. I had a big defeat today...& an ultimate win. I do finally see a way out now. It's going to take effort & time.. It's there tho...& I am very thankful.

 

The 'stystem' shattered me today. IVOs... Lovely, pretty words on a piece of paper...

 

 

I'm glad you are communicating with your care team. Even if they don't give the greatest response at time - the very important thing, is that we made the effort to reach out & communicate. We are courageous. Self aware. Survivors.

 

I don't know if you feel like this - & Apple made reference to this too in her recent letter to me....I get oh so tired of being courageous. 'life giving us more than we can deal & accepting "harsh" exists.

 

I'm having a day of feeling - this is ENOUGH.

 

I want to climb under my doona, switch my brain light off, and say, 'Here World - You deal with this now, my tiny humanness is not nearly enough.'...& I'm the biggest human I've ever met! 

 

I don't know eternalflower, I think it's O K to give up... like what happens if you don't try really hard?

 

 

I can relate to your comment about others feeling defensive. I have felt that too. Like they are threatened? Mental health is confronting. I think that is why we - YOU - are so brave. People on these forums are easy to talk to. We all are ok to talk about mental things, traumas, depression, si & sh. People, don't know how to talk about these things in the 'real' world. It can be really scary. 

 

You are the person who taught me! It's ok to talk about suicide topics. It's even good. You taught me that. 

 

 

I am not qualified or in any way educated to suggest how you can cope with your thoughts. 

 

If you want to talk💅🙂 I will come back later tonight & say hi & tell you what I'm up to!

 

- my check in lady called me, part way thru writing. It was good to express my devastations of the systems in place to protect women. I could f**king scream, I'm so angry right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: Trying makes it worse

I'm a bit sleepy but wanting to say hello and thanks for the like and for the interactions 

 

@maddison @tonys 

I am on a raft here isolated, and the waves are my past which is noisy, unruly, wild and scary.

I hope U can feel the metaphor.

I feel a little bit more supported today. I hope U are recovering @tonys 

 

Ivos....I feel sad because they don't protect people really imo and sometimes abusers enjoy it I don't know...I feel like the law is so not progressive and sensitive to absuse and it's all about who can afford the best lawyers.

 

 

 

Re: Trying makes it worse

Thankyou for saying hello @EternalFlower I hope you are safe & sleeping. I am up late as usual.

 

I could connect with your waves of the past. 

 

I have been interacting with family. It has been ... wild... I'm not sure what I'm doing. Ideally I want to do things on my own. I'm not aware if that's a possibility. I think maybe that's what I've been fighting all this time. 

 

I agree with your comment.

 

I get very overwhelmed & confused.

Voices, people, in my dreams, in my head, silent. 

Imagination. I make up dreams & convince me, it's you.

 

I don't know the truth...I know how I feel.

 

I don't know what others think & feel.

 

I can hear sadness in you. I can hear you are having a tough time rn.

 

I think I might have given up.

 

I know what I want. 

I have most of it here, already. I need to understand how to use what I have, to make the world work for me in the way I want, I need. Here is where I need help.

 

I have buried treasures I know. I need help 2 see. I need people who I believe...in x

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hey there @EternalFlower    Just clocked out , saw your letter,   and  thought  I'll pop in  say  hi,  tuck you in   and  tell  you  tomorrow  may  just be the day,    things go your way.

 

I  feel the metaphor mate,   Lots of those waves are your past,   and if the ones  to your bow are just as big,    their are folks coming to take an oar,   but  you get better at rowing and meeting the storms head on too.

 

I  have to confess ,  I  have no idea at all what ivos and the other letters are you mention.  guess they  are not   Gps  co ordinates .    Cant be good.

 

but  I have a feeling you are already  in touch with someone is enduring similar weather,  and  well  when girls  get together,   its  a powerful force. . . .

 

One day when  the weather breaks,  maybe you can educate me  a  bit  what all those letters mean. . .   mean time  ,   I'll  blow the candle  and wish you a peaceful night. .  and thanks  again for your letter.     tonys   mb1

 

 

 

 

 

Re: Trying makes it worse

O h  

hello friend 

 

irl in real life 

rn right now 

IVO intervention order

lol laugh out loud 

btw by the way 

bf best friend

BFF best friends forever

YMMV your mileage may vary

Imo in my opinion 

brb be right back 

ty thank you 

Wtf what the....

Ily I love you 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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