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Former-Member
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Seeking Support for New Commer

Hi, I'm a young woman in love with a man who has schizophrenia. We were together for just 5 months before I discovered his condition. We are complicated and thus are finding it hard to find understanding, empathy or guidance. In this forum I'm looking for community, understanding and support for myself and any information I can to help him when he asks. Right now some people have spread ugly untrue lies about me that in his current state he  believes and presently won't talk to me. I am hoping to find others like me, not willing to give up simply because he has this condition. To find other partners of those with his condition. I think I'll find the best understanding and support with those that know what it's like to be in a romantic relationship with someone with his condition. Someone who can understand my frustration, my fears, my desperate need for knowledge and perhaps give advice on things that they themselves may have gone through before. Question 1: How do you cope with being wrongfully accused and then pushed aside? Is it over? Is it not? Help anyone?

To anyone out there like me fearing you are alone in this because your partner can't support you right now my own personal advice is this: You are not alone even if it feels like it. Don't let others decide your relationship but you two. Remember no one will know your relationship better than you and him (or her) Remember your partner may change their minds over and over, they have a lot happening for them, my advice is stay in the back ground if they don't want you right now. Let them know you are there for them even as a friend. Be forgiving and patient, try keeping your connection by offering meals/things that are important to you both, to your relationship.

ALWAYS remember love is worth fighting for. No matter what the negative and ignorant people say. That's all I've learnt thus far. In my trial by fire discovery of my partner's condition. However I'm eager to learn more.

8 REPLIES 8

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

Welcome,  @Former-Member , I'm sorry to hear 😞

 

I don't know any advice, sorry, but you could try posting on the SANE Friends, Family and Carers Forum ?

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

Hey @Former-Member

Welcome to the Forums! Thank you for sharing your story. Being with a partner with a mental health condition can be challenging and it sounds like you have certainly learned a lot along the way and are keen to learn more.

 

I hope that this can be a space to get some support and answers to your questions. As NatureLover mentioned, the families, friends and carers threads may allow you to better connect with others who have been in similar positions.

 

There are also some interesting articles and guides related to schizophrenia and partners/romantic relationships:

https://www.bcss.org/support/guide-spouses-partners-serious-mental-illness/

https://psychcentral.com/schizophrenia/when-you-suspect-your-partner-has-schizophrenia

 

As well as supports for people caring for someone with a mental health condition:

https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/families-carers/what-support-is-available-for-carers

 

I hope that you can find some support here. While we may not always know the answers, we are all sitting with you 💛

 

 

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

I like your attitude towards your situation @Former-Member . It’s true that things worth while are things worth fighting for. I’ve learnt and am learning that.

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

Thanks. It's a bit of a blue day today, I'm beginning to question us, he has "been gone" for nearly a month. My valancecy is only a positive if under it all he still loves me...if not I'm just the crazy lady that can't take a hint and got played. 

 

Yet I can't know that until he is "back". 

 

I tell you it is hard operating like a couple and as if we are over at the same time.

 

I even was told to go sleep with another. 'I was free' was thire view. 

 

However, I don't want anyone else but him, but again if he really dasn't want me then that's not so sweet of a sentiment.

 

I'm afraid on so many levels. Am I wrong? Am I just pathetic? Nieive? 

 

If he really despises me as it seems, - he is holding me accountable for everything that others have done, I haven't done any of them. Some are horrible that he should know better but this is his first "slip" since we met and I learnt of it in the middle of the storm I've not been able to talk to the real him for more tha. 5 minutes since July! 

 

I love him dearly, I want to help him but I need help for me too.

 

How do you hold on when you can't tell if the other has really let go or not?

 

I know if it really is over then the loss will trigger all of my mental health issues some that can be fatal. How can I withstand the storm alone?

 

 

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

Thanks. I haven't changed my view and I've not given up on us but I'm having a rough day today. Questioning every little thing looking for clues that I'm doing the right thing but frankly I feel isolated, excluded and petrified.

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

Thanks

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

Hey @Former-Member 

It is completely valid to feel afraid, especially when it comes to someone that we truly care for and love. 

You are just as deserving of help and support. Are there any other people or supports that you have around you? It can be a good time to build up your own support team. 

This is a really tough situation to be in and it can be overwhelming and scary thinking about facing it alone.

 

You have been though a lot. Take good care of yourself 💜 

Re: Seeking Support for New Commer

No, I don't have anyone but him, and right now - and likely forever, - I don't have him. I was fine alone for 3 decades before I met him now it's as if that part of me is broken, I can't deal alone anymore. I discovered how beautiful it was to not be alone for 5 measly months now I'm finding it impossible to go back to being an island. I just can't do it. It wasn't living it was just not dying. 

 

I'm at a loss tonight hopefully Monday being a week day will bring some help...but how does one explain my situation to a family planning doctor? I am so not sure about my original reason for seeing them...I know I still want children, he did too at one point and we both agreed now wasn't right so the Dr appointment became about me getting healthy enough to have them after decades of homelessness taking its toll which is still relevant to do health improvement wise but how can I explain to them  when I can't explain it to myself?

 

If we don't get back together then children are off the cards for me because having kids with another is just not what I want. Therefor the dr appointment is irrelevant.

 

Then again if we do then the plan could be in play again and I will need the spieclist help...how do I retain the Dr help when right this moment things are not what they were back then?

 

See? I'm a mess. It's very likely he left cuz I'm insane.

 

Maybe tomorrow I'll have some practical help. Thank you for your support that has helped me here emotionally at least to feel empathised with and heard. Thank you. 

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