Lived Experience Forum

[Toni71]

Hello, I'm new to the forum and found it while looking for support as I am a emotional eater.  I'm almost 49 and have 3 kids and 3 dogs.  I go between liking my body to loathing it.  I walk 7k most days but this year I have been suffering with plantar fasciitis so this week I'm resting my feet to see if that helps.  I eat when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I feel bad about myself, and now that I am going though peri menopause, my emotions feel like they are magnified.  I also am in a very dull marriage, long story short, we got married at 21 when I got pregnant, he was unfaithful, we separated after our second child, we got back together had a 3rd child and to be totally honest, I'm not sure if I loved him the same way since I found out about his infidelity, I suggested we separate last year, but he got all emotional and then I felt sorry for him and suggested we give it another try, since then things were ok for a few months, he refuses to talk about feelings and when I bring it up he shuts down, it's very frustrating. I don't love him the way a wife should love her husband.  I think a huge part of my emotional eating is to do with my marriage.  I also feel pressured to stay in the marriage because my family expect me to, they frown on divorce and they don't understand how I'm feeling, all they see is perfect person my husband likes to act like when people are around, and this makes me look like an ungrateful person.  I know I need some councelling but this really scares me, maybe I'm also afraid to move on, I know financially I would struggle as I only work part time, since covid my hours have dropped, but I love my job too much to leave it.  I guess I'm just looking for some understanding.  

[Snowie]

Hi @Toni71 

Firstly welcome to the Sane Forums. I hope you are finding the support you are looking for.

Sorry to hear that your marriage isn't going well. It is hard when we are in an unhappy relationship and we feel like we have to stay in it.

Perhaps some counselling would help. Do you have any supports at the moment?

Counselling is very scary and it is hard to find that support person that can understand us, but it is possible to find that person.

Again, I hope you find the support you deserve.

Snowie

[Toni71]

I live in Brisbane but I'm from NZ.  My two biggest support people are back in NZ, and I don't really have anyone close to open up to.  I'm at that stage in my life where I really don't want to make new friends, I guess getting to know someone is for me tiring and explaining my whole life story is like narrating a novel.  My family all live overseas too, so I'm feeling quite lonely.  Often times I think about back to NZ but it's just so expensive there, and my kids are happy here.  I feel much braver opening up via messages / emails rather than face to face, I think I was brought up to just carry on no matter what and to not let the world see you cry, to be strong and not weak, so I feel when I try to speak to someone about my feelings, I'm not as honest as I should be because I am so used to wearing the mask of bravery and courage, and act like nothing is wrong.  

[Maggie]

@Toni71  Another welcome from me.

I’m sorry you are feeling stuck in your marriage. As @Snowie  has suggested, counseling might be helpful.

I understand the lack of trust after an affair. My ex husband had an affair, and things are never the same.

Having your close friends in NZ would be very hard.

We are here listening. If you feel like join other conversations, please do. 

The @ bring a dropdown and is how we tag each other.