Lived Experience Forum

[Burman8or]

Hi all I am Burman8or. I suffered psychosis and my first psychotic episode in 2019 with persecutory delusions and paranoia. Which i am medicated ( antipsychotic ) and seeing a psychiatrist for. The paranoid thoughts and delusions still pop up from time to time but i can usually dismiss them as paranoid delusions. 

For the last year I have been suffering from severe anxiety and panic related to work ( mostly getting there )  and my ability, competence and the fear of having a panic attack at work or people realising im anxious.

Because of this I have had 5 different jobs and havent been able to hold one down and currently unemployed.

I am medicated for the anxiety and have tried 2 different types of SSRI's but they dont work for this specific fear. I also have anti-anxiety meds to help take the edge of which works but i tend to abuse them and mix them with alcohol so my wife handles them as they are addictive and habit forming. 

I am seeing a psychologist but cant see her regular enough to prob get the most benefit so hence why I am here at Sane and trying other avenues of support. 

Any advice to help get back into the workforce will be greatly appreciated.

Hope everyone is ok and fighting the good fight. 

[Burman8or]

Ive also been struggling with alcohol consumption and drinking too much lately to relax and forget abiut everything. Have done some silly things because of this. 

[Eve7]

Hello @Burman8or and welcome to the forum where you’ll meet lots of friendly people willing to share their journeys with you.

I’ll tag a few for you @MDT  @Historylover @Shaz51 

[Burman8or]

• Thankyou Eve7, in hopes of overcoming this soon as the financial stress and pressure is intense with a wife on maternity leave. Hoping others have experienced and overcome similar and can share there experiences and tips. 

[Rosie]

Hey @Burman8or 

Thanks for sharing your story. It's so hard being delusional, I have been there. Only mine was grandiose. I thought I was the secret Queen of Australia.

I wasn't on my anti psychotic meds then. They have helped me a lot. I take mine twice a day and I have a full time job and even just got a promotion.

As for the drinking, I had a terrible time with alcohol trying to self medicate. Ended up getting caught drink driving. It was awful.

Haven't had a drink since that night. But I've had to do a lot of work and join a lot of support groups to do that. Now I don't even think about drinking. It's not always easy, but it is possible and I feel much better being sober.

Keep reaching out, taking your meds and try and maybe keep going to work (I found that helped me - I stayed out and about and that has helped me in the long run). My journey has been a long one, reach out if you want to know anything else.

All the best!! 

Rosie

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @Burman8or I'm sorry to hear how stressful things are. Some time ago I used to work in an industry where I had a similar situation, anxious about being anxious and trying not to get found out. I can relate to that. For me, it wasn't until I dealt with it and then started working in an industry where there isn't as much stigma and I was able to use my experience for good.

It sounds like you have a new baby if your wife is on maternity leave? That's a big life event. Sounds like you have a lot going on.

Have you ever tried to manage the drinking you mentioned? Do you feel it's a problem for you? I've heard really good things about AA and there's an org called Hello Sunday Morning if you just want to reduce/manage it. 

Please reach out to our counsellors if you feel you need to, they are a lovely bunch. 

Take care 😊

[Burman8or]

Hi @Rosie thanks for sharing. The psychosis was terrifying, I delusionaly thought I was being tracked and spied on by the FEDs, couldnt trust anything or anyone.

Congrats on the promotion ! Do you delusions pop up at all anymore ? 

I dont drink heavily often but when i do I wipe myself out and have had a couple incidents with my 7 month old son that are worrying. 

I need to get back into work but Im scared of the same thing happening again and letting people down. And the avoidance is just fueling the anxiety and fear.

Cheers 

[Burman8or]

Hi @Paperdaisy thanks for the reply. 

Yeah i have a 7 month old son. 

I didnt feel it was an issue as I dont drink heavily often but the last couple times I had theres been incidents so maybe it is. Ive stopped drinking 2-3 every arvo which had become a habit. 

All the best 

[Rosie]

@Burman8or 

Delusions sometimes pop up but I can rationalise. I don’t believe them like I did.

I get paranoid now and then and I try and put it in the sick compartment of my mind and reflect and rationalise later if I am at work.

Take care

Rosie

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @Burman8or I've sent you an email, are you able to look out for it? Thank you 😊