Welcome & getting started
I really feel these situations are gender neutral @Serezza , I have been betrayed by both men and women in my family of origin, and women romantically. The last women I was seeing put me at risk of contracting HIV from her other life I was told was way way way over, but it wasn't. Do you think she bothered to tell me. Nup. She did not even give a damn about my physical health let alone what she did to me mentally and emotionally when I was at a dark place with my cPTSD and family. I was furious!, livid!, and Dr Kindness & my GP went crazy. I haven't told my sibs.....it would get ugly, so I keep that under my hat. But it made me realise she didn't even respect me on the most fundamental of levels, merely a human level. She was so up herself she couldn't even grant me basic health concern. I hate myself for ever getting involved with her. Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of my father's suicide, so my head was very much in the space of those who have treated me like trash.
It's completely natural to be drawn back in by sexual and physical touch/intimacy @Serezza . And you have described long periods of loneliness and isolation so it would be very hard to resist that pull. If you have an anxious attachment style to boot, you're up against biology that was laid down in childhood. Go gently on yourself. It takes time to stop beating yourself up about it, but try just for 1 minute per day to go inside and tame the inner voice that constantly puts us down.
Lockdowns have intensified a lot of relationship conflicts. My sibs have mates that have split up,and it has definitely put a strain on things, I feel for you having that complication. Does he have family near by he could live with? He isn't working and isn't tied to an area.
But yes, I am still worried about him feeding you crumbs, while he gets all his ducks lined up so he can pursue this new women and have his finances in tact.
I think that seeking counselling is a great idea. To have a 3rd person who is detached and can just listen and help you with these tornadoes of feelings you have to cope with right now, and the wounds that will last for years, would be an immense help.
I hope you have a soft loving friend or sib near by that can comfort you at this time @Serezza
Corny 
That's so lovely @Serezza that you have your pals around you, you sound very loved. I hope that you can tell people at your church community what is happening, I think it will give you some strength, cos it will go straight to the heart-space, instead of the head-space. I'm so envious you can work, and be immersed in something other than emotional pain, don't take it for granted. Be a good employee, get to work on time and if it is possible try to not be involved in too much politics, but also stick up for yourself and what you believe to be true. These sorts of characters can be found in the work place too and destroy your career if they wanted. I hope that you have permanency and aren't on a temporary contract or casual employee. It's a rare thing these days.
I guess your friend almost crying in a meeting upon hearing the news is because it is a universal pain. A lot of people have been there. At least you aren't alone in that. It's a different sort of pain compared to other losses, death and loss of other relationships. I guess it is the sexual and physical closeness that makes it hurt in another way.
I can tell by the way that you think that you must have an element of your job that involves problem solving. You have tried many different ways to fix your marriage and thought of lots of different angles. You also must have to use logic at work, because I can see you trying to use it when it comes to this marriage breakdown......unfortunately logic defies matters of the heart, and as you say, none of us have a crystal ball. But it sounds like you have both male and female friends and that is great because then you can compare. We get trapped in these bubbles with abusive people, the wall close in, and we lose perspective. Now that you are not just in his bubble your perspective will start to shift in a good way. It will become more balanced.
We're all flawed @Serezza . I most definitely am, and have made mistakes in life. But I think it is the behaviour that follows the mistake, that indicates who we are. I cringed reading Faith&Hopes other thread because it reminded me how flawed I have been in the past. I slept with someone once who was in a relationship at the time, I was single, but she most def was not. I am so ashamed of it, because it makes me like my father 
I think I was about 27. But then when life threw me a shock in the love department, again, the person was in a relationship. When feelings started to become reciprocated I told her flat out and firm, we are not having a sexual relationship until this one you're in is completely over, for good. Completely over. We didn't. But later on she told me it was, and we did. I don't believe her relationship was ever over, she lied. So now I feel like my father all over again when I was trying to not make the same mistake again. I was played. It makes me sick to my stomach I may have slept with someone that wasn't actually available. I found out she also got in touch with her ex-high school boyfriend/fiance, had him over for dinner in a mini skirt all flirty just the 2 of them, gee I wonder what went on, and that she was also still in love with another ex from college and contacted him while stringing me along, to tell him she still loves him, and always will and has never stopped! What a fool am I! I hate myself today.
Any-hoo enough about me. All the best @Serezza I am so glad you have pals around. I am seeing my lil sib this arvo and her teddy bear with 4 legs, he gives the best cuddles. Corny
Just dropping you a line @Serezza to make sure that your husband hasn't turned into a limp biscuit.
It happens.
And he couldn't be blamed if he doesn't have my strength. Dr K refers to it as 'my mystery'. I say, to Dr K, "Dr K, would you call it an essence?", "Yes maybe an essence, but at the very least a total mystery".
Anyway @Serezza I hope that you are well and you aren't being led on any longer. It rained a little last night, but Sydney has been very dry. The ABC just said that winters in Sydney are getting on average 2 weeks shorter. The police are out in forces in the parks. Corny
Hi @Serezza I am sorry that things haven’t got any better and you say that you have been replaced and his new love is being paraded in front of you.
While you’re both living under the same roof I can’t imagine how you could possibly keep any level of sanity in these circumstances. I would lose my mind and be placed in hospital.
Admittedly, I have no strength in the ‘attachment’ area of life compared to %99 of the population given my early life, but still…… Even if I had to sleep in the ridges of a fig tree, on the beach or in a carpark, I think I would feel less upset there, than in the home that you describe. That’s just me though, I admit I am not normal.
Could this all be smoke screen and mirrors? Like how much of this ‘other women’ is actually real? She could just be an apparition on a TV screen, and your husband is trying to get a reaction out of you….only you know what is really going on with your husband, but you describe it as a ‘selfish infatuation’. It doesn’t sound like there is much substance there….I’m not saying this to get your hopes up of a reconciliation, but more that I am worried that he is just stringing you along, and toying with you.
I've never been married so I won't fake understanding what you are going through. But I know how much it hurts, when someone doesn't want you. For me, the end of the relationship and the way she discarded me, was the most revelatory moment in the coupling.
It's like, the way in which she got rid of me, was a portal that revealed the sincerity (or in my case insincerity) of her feelings from when we first met, if that makes sense.
I was a ghost. She was so up herself and her ego so hurt by the men she truly wanted in her earlier life, but which she had never processed their rejection......instead she pretended she wanted me, but I knew in my heart of hearts it wasn't authentic. I was authentic,,,,but she wasn't....hence the head screw. I dunno if I have made any sense.....but sometimes what we feel inside is not mirrored. Like, at all! We think that the person feels the same, they tell us they do....but we find out later, they most definitely do not. Even worse, we've been played. Corny
