Lived Experience Forum

[Nohope]

What do you do when the mental health professionals you've been seeing for a year can't help you anymore? My psychologist has palmed me off to someone else, which I am not happy about. It takes time to form a relationship and trust with someone, plus the therapy style of the new psychologist is something I've read about and don't think very highly of (for myself). My last psychiatrist visit consisted of suggesting maybe I should increase my meds, but when questioned admitted it is unlikely to help. Couldn't offer more than a shoulder shrug and insisting I find something to do with my time e.g study or something. This is because I can't get work because the employer who caused my mental health problems has managed to black ball me in my profession - didn't like being held responsible for mistreating employees and bullying/harassment. I have no idea what to do next. I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper. I literally feel as if there is no hope and no future for me.

[Sahara]

Hi @Nohope,

I'm glad you came to Sane Forums as you will find a lot off support here. I'm very sorry to hear that you sound so down. I personally believe that there is always hope, no matter what the situation is - and believe me, I am not trying to make light of your situation.

I suffer from anxiety and have had a bout of major depression in the past. I had to see a therapist and a psychiatrist and take plenty of medication, just like you.

I have also been treated badly by not one, but two former employers, on separate occasions in the past. The second time it happened I took action through the Fair Work Commission, which is a whole other story....!

But I feel I can relate to some of what you are going through.

Firstly, you don't know exactly why your psychologist recommended you see a different therapist for treatment? Could it be that this new psychologist has more experience with your particular condition? Maybe, even though this new person works with a style of therapy that you are not used to, that it may be ultimately beneficial to you, if you stick with it?

If you don't like a therapist for any reason, you have the right to seek out a new one. Don't get stuck with someone you don't respect, as it's likely that your lack of trust will effect the course of your therapy. 

I think your doctor's suggestion that you take up some new studies or interests is a good one. Once you are stable on medication, it's going to be lifestyle changes that will help you feel more like your old self. These can be things like exercising, joining social groups, pursuing an interest that you never had time for while you were working, meditation, a change of diet, cutting back on alcohol and caffeine, etc. I know it sounds very simplistic, but these things do help. (In my case they certainly did, anyway!)

You say that your former employer has "black-balled" you, but do you really know how true this is? It might feel like he/she has done this, and let's face it, he had probably tried it, but how successful do you ultimately think he would be? No-one has that much power; they would only like to think that they have.

In the world of business, it seems everyone has competitors and everyone has "enemies", too. You might find employment with someone who secretly hates your former boss! Alliances change very quickly in business, too. If there is money to be made, it's amazing how quickly someone's alliances will change.  Don't give up looking. 

@Nohope, you don't say what your symptoms are at the moment? What is bothering you most about you experience of daily living? How long have you been in treatment/

I'm just curious, but are you on WorkCover and are you taking legal action against your former employer? You don't have to answer if this is too personal. 

Please write back and let us know how you are doing?

[RG01]

I hear you.... No one likes to be railroaded into decisions without adequate thought and investigation and choice. It's important you don't drop the ball when in comes to therapies already in place- don't remove the help that is there- but while you're accessing this maybe you could look into other options and therapists you think might suit. (That's just my suggestion of course.) I know from my own personal experience that a wholistic approach is best and you are the most qualified to choose what's best for you. Doctors and Psychs should be working openly with you ....their professional guidance and advice is invaluable. Keep searching till you have built your team of health pros :)) it may take time but taking charge and responsibility will help you to feel better too

[Nohope]

Hi Sahara<br>I have been sick for almost 2 years. About a year ago it got bad enough that I couldn't work and I ended up in hospital for a few months. I have been diagnosed with Major/Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder. I had been seeing my psychologist for almost a year, but last week he said he didn't think he could help me anymore. That's why he gave me the name of an associate. I'm supposed to meet her next week. I've been seeing my psychiatrist for over a year. He's had me on just about every medication you could imagine without much help. Withdrawal from some of them was horrendous. I've had periods where I think the meds might be helping, but it never lasts long. I even had TMS treatment as part of a trial, but it didn't give any noticeable relief. <br>When I was admitted to hospital my employer continued to harass me via email and text so I had to engage a lawyer. I applied for work cover and submitted an account of what I had been through. The case was approved, however continuing to deal with my employer and the rehab person from work cover was also extremely stressful. <br>After I was discharged from hospital I had an interview for a new job. It went well and they said they wanted me to meet the executive manager and negotiate a package. A few days later I was contacted and told "the job is no longer available - we are reconsidering the management structure". While this was odd, I accepted it. A few months later I was approached about a position. I went through numerous interviews and tests, was offered the job and signed a contract. A few days later I was called in because someone from my previous employer had spoken to the new employer and told them information about my absence from the work place while I was on WorkCover. The meeting was an ambush and an attack. Even though I had been getting much better this threw me back into a panic attack and deep depression. Two weeks later I was contacted and told that the job offer was withdrawn. By this stage I had already accepted a redemption package from work cover and resigned from my old job. My lawyer tried to argue for discrimination but the company dug their heels in and went so far as to lie about the content of the awful meeting I had with them. I had no proof and I am not well enough to battle this through the FWC and court. So I do have good reason to believe that someone(s) from my previous employer is black balling me in an industry that is relatively specialized and small. <br>I have no way of finding out who is doing it or putting a stop to it. I am so scared of being humiliated and having my reputation further damaged that I can't bring myself to apply for any more jobs. <br>Since the last incident my symptoms have worsened again. I struggle to leave the house. The few times I have tried social activities have not been good. I've either had to medicate myself to get through it or I have left events in tears. I can't sleep and am back taking sleeping tablets I was on over a year ago. I can't concentrate or follow conversations with my children or my partner. I can't even concentrate on reading or watching a tv show for more than a short period of time. I'm constantly exhausted. I'm constantly in pain with joint/back problems and migraines. I feel disassociated from my own mind half the time, like someone else is controlling everything. I have barely seen anyone other than my immediate family and doctors. I feel useless and lazy and stupid. I feel like a bad parent. I have thoughts about not being here anymore. I'm a burden on my family, my extended family and what few friends I have don't understand and avoid me. The friends I had at work haven't even bothered to ask how I am. Being told by my therapist of 12 months that he can't do anything for me has been the final straw. I thought I had a team of health professionals helping me, but they seem to have run out of options. I don't have the energy to start again. Just writing this reply is a struggle and has taken me a very long time. Having to keep explaining what has happened to me and how I feel to new people is frustrating, tiring and soul destroying.

[Former-Member]

Hi there fellow weary traveller,

I really feel for you, having read through your description of your past couple of years of what sounds like hell. Actually, I read and reread your posts, because your story reads uncannily like my own, and hence my heartfelt empathy.

I don't know what I can say that would convince you to change your user name to "GlimmerOfHope", except to say that I've been down pretty damn low with my own battle and feel that I have, "somehow" moved from feeling like there was no hope to seeing some rays peaking out from behind the black clouds. Without necessarily offering false promises or fool-proof solutions, there are a few things that jump out from your posts that prompted some thoughts for me.

It has to be said that youi've actually shown some amazing resilience in tackling those shocking circumstances. Sadly, the "systems" out there to support fair - or even vaguely decent! - treatment of employees are badly lacking. Hence, you've been over a barrel with your word against others' and it's you who's had to cop the extras blows along the way, to the point where your brain chemistry finally admitted defeat. Not to say you didn't battle it out with the courage of David against Goliath, but Goliath was just too damn big to bring down. Don't join in the war against yourself. Give yourself credit for retreating to your safe place for as long as you need to heal - it's a smart tactic, if you ask me.

I've reached the conclusion that psychologists are like any other profession in that there are brilliant ones, awful ones, and a whole lot along the continuum in between. I think the vast majority have the best of intentions for us as their patients, but some don't have the style, skills set, or experience that is right for us (I've lost track of how many hairdressers, tradesmen and baristas I've persevered with till I found the right ones and held tight!!). It sounds like yours has, possibly very clumsily, referred you to someone who might be a good step up for you. If you go in with an open mind and it still isn't working after a few sessions, maybe get a word of mouth referral from someone you trust, such as a GP, friend, or online reviews as a final resort. The prompt to see a new therapist might not be the "last straw", but a bonus one.

I'm wondering if having a support crew of medicos and close family might be all you need and can manage at the moment? As you said, it's a real struggle and energy drain to socialise beyond that. Perhaps your friends and work associates, as well as not understanding (and let's hope they don't have to go through what you have to fully "get" it) are more than likely picking up that social connections are really draining you and are giving you the space to do what you need to do to conserve that energy. I've found that it's been useful just to tell my trusted friends that I've taken a battering and need to hide in my cave for a bit or see people briefly and infrequently somewhere that feels safe and quiet. Most are pretty cool about that, especially if I throw in the odd comment about how much I value them for caring at a distance and reassure them that I'll be back on deck in time. Texting or short emails was about all I could do for a long time and even then there were often long breaks in between.

Your comments about feeling lazy, useless, stupid, like a bad parent etc, are so relatable for me. I cycle through all those descriptions very regularly. Then when I have a moment of clarity - usually only for a few seconds at a time - a distant voice in my mind reminds me that yes, I FEEL like all those things, but I'm NOT those things.

Thank you for sparing your very valuable energy to write this contribution. I'm so sorry that you're suffering so badly and that the journey to recovery is proving so very slow, but your perseverence in the face of everything really is astounding. Treat yourself gently and I hope to see you popping up here on line whenever you feel able.

ChaiMaker

[Sahara]

Hi @Nohope, 

thanks for writing back and explaining things in depth. I am sorry to hear how bad things sound for you at the moment. I'm glad that you have a supportive partner and that WorkCover approved your claim. At he very least, you are in a position to have a "rest" from work right now. It's kind of not a bad thing, when you really look at it. 

At my worst with depression, I was just like you. I could not even concentrate enough to watch TV or read a book. The words on the page would just swim before my eyes and the sentences would not make any sense. I was also extremely exhausted and just walking to the corner shop to buy milk was as much as I could tackle for the whole day. I felt like I had run a marathon when all I had done was walk 200 metres!

Please do not be so hard on yourself - don't believe you are a burden on your family, for one thing. Human beings are social animals and they are programmed to look after each other. When one person is sick, the others rally around. In the future, you will have your chance (many chances!) to look after others who are not doing well, just as your family now are looking after you. It is normal and natural to care for others. That is how our civilization has evolved.

If I was you, I would try to see your appointment with a new therapist as a good thing. The other therapist did what he could, but he was smart enough to know that something different might work for you. At least he did not keep on seeing you for the next 10 years, regardless of you not making progress! That would have been far worse.

You have to give the new therapist a try.

As for the people who offered you a job and then withdrew the offer- well, it does sound like they broke the law and it also sounds like they are terrible,dishonest people who you would not want to work with - or even associate with. It's their loss.

I can absolutely relate to you not wanting to pursue the whole thing with the FWC. It's stressful and it goes on and on. In the end, I actually gave up on my case with my former employer and my hubby and I went on an extended holiday in Europe, instead! It was the best medicine ever.

You have to know when to walk away in this life. I always say to myself "can't get no milk at the ram's house." Such a silly expression, but the underlying truth is profound. Sometimes there just is no justice and the bad guys appear to win. But you can feel satisfied when you walk away feeling like you are the real winner- because you are not dishonest and you are not a bully and you did everything right. 

This is how I felt in the end. My friends were saying "but it isn't fair... your former employer did the wrong thing and now he seems to have gotten away with it."  Well... you could look at it like that but I prefer to see it a bit differently. I left that place of employment and I will never return. I wash my hands of them. They are no good and I know it. Why waste my energy on it? I don't have to prove anything to the world. 

[hope77]

Hey @Nohope It really gets to me how employers get away with this shit. I am personally sick and tired of the treatment some people get from them. I don't know the whole answer to this. but I do know that looking after yourself is part of the answer. Saying that I still remain with the rage. Not only do we have to cope with the mismanagement of these Companies but they attack us at every stage of our recovery the only reason I can see they do this is their profit and covering themselves and blaming it on us. Our illness our problem. They make out that it is just us that can't fit in with their style of management but it's bull shit people get singled out and attacked. for various reasons. I found in my case it was a case of jealousy. which is crap? But to have someone blackball you is another thing. I would love to have a rally some time and name and shame these companies. love to know yours too so I don't have anything to do with them. wish you peace my friend

[Sahara]

Hi @hope77,

I think you have summed up the employment situation very well..... companies are really all about making money and profit and the workers are totally expendable in the equation. Companies pay lip-service to caring about their employees, but that is just to gain positive publicity, so as they can attract more business. They don't really care about us at all. 

In the end, when it comes to fighting for your rights against a former employer, it comes down to who can afford the smartest lawyer and who has the time and energy to keep on fighting.  In many cases, it's just too stressful and it isn't worth the cost to your personal life, to keep on fighting. 

After I dropped the case against my former employer, I found out through another former employee that my ex-boss was good friends with a Q.C. and through that friend he had the sympathy of some magistrates! So I would have been wasting my time to fight for my rights, anyway. The legal system is corrupt..... just like the political system is corrupt and many big companies are corrupt, too! And they are all doing deals behinds closed doors with each other. This is the world we live in. 

In a way, I am not surprised by the level of corruption that we live with. Human beings have such drive for power and success that it's kind of inevitable that they will exploit people when they can get away with it. I even see it as "normal" now - I try not to take it too personally.

We live in such a 'dog eat dog' world, but as long as I am not contributing to it, then I can sleep well at night. I suppose it comes down to what makes you happy - and working for a company that just uses and exploits people would not make me happy, anyway.  I would much rather forage for my dinner in a rubbish bin than work for company like that. 

[hope77]

hey @Sahara like your comments, I know what you mean about the process of justice is so expensive and exhausting. rather keep my rage even it is kept at the back of my mind keeps me on the lookout for a solution to our problem with the systems or lack of. word of mouth is all I can see at the moment. if we don't know the enemy we can't avoid them.

[Former-Member]

There's an app called GlassDoor where you can leave feedback about companies you've worked for. I keep an eye on that when I see jobs ads that look tempting. (So far, Google's looking like the pick. lol) I have to say, though, that some look like they might have a bunch of fake reviewers balancing out the bad reviews with incredulously glowing ones. I think we're back to the word of mouth idea!