why can't I cope longer?

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7 & @utopia, helps to know how others navigate through this.

I'm reluctant to start any new long term medication.

Actually haven't seen a psychIATRIST for 7yrs, only psychOLOGISTS on & off, who frankly help more.

Yesterday I met a new psychologist, started a new mental health care plan (MHCP) - you know, those x6 maybe x10 subsidised visits a year... See how we go. Last year's psychologist was a waste of breath. Just there for the money I think.

This psychologist seems OK, BUT, she's going away for a month 😕 and I can't 'get in' to see her 'till mid Feb now... even though I feel in crisis and there's no otherother affordable MH support 😞  Accept Lifeline, who I actually called for the first time in 3yrs last week. And even they shut you down after 20min 😞  We really are on our own guys.

All is not lost though, psych gave me homework:
1. write a letter to these two relatives I'm so angry with / hurt by. Don't mail it, just write to them.
2. don't internalise what others say about me... (whatever that means ;/ any ideas???)

Psychologist said she'll need to discuss a MH 'management plan' with my GP first (whatever that means, any ideas? do ya think she's gonna lock me up? or try put me on antipsychotic? 😞  Really hate that they jointly have the power to make 'orders' for meme, behind my back... Two women almost 1/2 my age 😞 - honestly, what do they know about life?  Domn it! I need 'support!' not a bloody 45min hour chit chat & a bottle of pills.

Ha! they really have got this Mental Health industry geared for the provider - not the consumer.

Sad that its all we got to work with. 

I opened that bottle of sleepers I found in my spring clean efforts, did a count, - it only had x4 left - only nock me out for 24hrs if that

.. Oh well...

there I go again, down blackdog lane.

Betta get up, have some brekky, take my meds & dress. Gotta do an online rental application at the library today (can't tether my laptop to internet for some reason), maybe look at a couple of rentsl places. Betta get going, what a pain, just wanna ho back to bed.

Thanks for listening.

[Zoe7]

It is hard not to internalise what others say when you are feeling so down @Former-Member Internalising what others say means taking on what they say and saying the same about ourselves. We often take on what others say or do in regards to ourselves and it becomes part of our own self-talk - it is tricky when we are feeling low not to take that all on and make it part of how we talk about ourselves.

In regards to a MH plan - our treating professionals need to be on the same page in how you are treated - this is for the best benefit for you. It may include the type of therapy that your psychologist is going to follow but also should include meds and what your GP is doing also. Them both knowing and following the same plan is so that you can be treated with consistency and that is important for your wellbeing.

Goodluck with the rental search - hope you find something you like 

I am going to lay down with Toby for a little while before I get myself mobile today. Just need a little snuggle time with him before I get mobile today also.

Hope youo get the things done you need to today - chat later 

[utopia]

@Former-Member

So good to hear your psychologist will liaise with your gp.  Both need to know what the other is doing,  so that they work together to get you to a better place.  This is good. 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7, your Toby sounds lovely, this is a recent photo of my little furbaby Genie 🙂

Don't  they bring us joy.

Thanks for clarifying 'internalising' for me:

"Internalising what others say means taking on what they say and saying the same about ourselves" 

... or believing it I guess

she did say it after I expressed that I just might be the 'horrible person' they say I am... and I don't wanna be her... so yes that fits 🙂

Well, betta get off the couch lol

Beautiful weather here today 🙂

[Former-Member]

Thanks @utopia, guess its only relevant in terms of medication. It'd hard for me to trust anyone.

Psych thinks Complex Grief... andctrauma... its an issue, from way back, resurfacing atm. Its really hopeless I think, to ever get over something like that.

Oh no, just had a frightening thought, what if Psych going back to GP saying she doesn't wanna treat me 😞

[Zoe7]

Your Genie is adorable @Former-Member I bet she gives you as much joy as Toby does for me.

Not much progress here this morning as I slet for a bit longer and now it is very windy - I can't do what I need in the wind so hoping it calms down this afternoon and I can get back outside. Not doing much else in the meantime - couch and tv surfing at the moment but that is okay - do what I can when I can and rest at other times.

[utopia]

Try not to over think things @Former-Member. It will all work out well. 

[Former-Member]

I know Utopia, overactive brain lol
Zoe, you sound just like me, big plans... then, before ya know it everything's different. But you enjoy your holidays, school will be back soon, yikes! Yesterday I got scared with lots of palpitations & headache, after an upset, but its eased up thank goodness. Managed to clear out another x4 bags for charity today, and clean the stove - hard to get going but worth it to see finished products. How's your wall?/Any progress?

[Zoe7]

I have most of the framing done @Former-Member - just need to cut and screw 6 supports tomorrow and then I can begin sheeting it. I wanted to get the framing finished today but it got too hot in the garage so I left the last bit for tomorrow. I have already measured each support so it will be a matter of cutting the timber tomorrow and screwing it in place. We are expecting rain on Wednesday (not much but enough to get things wet) so I need to get as much done tomorrow as I can and then begin moving things back in Tuesday.

It sounds like you have had a productive day too - 4 more bags and the stove cleaned - big ticks for both of those 

I am having a quiet night now watching the cricket and hoping for an early night to get up and get going earlier tomorrow.

[Former-Member]

Well done!!! Zoe7, that's amazing, building a shed! You must be wonder woman lol Early morning is the best time for outdoor work in summer.

Y O U G O G I R L !

We do need to celebrate our victories, more often, even the little ones.

Thanks for chatting, feeling a bit lonely today.