Trying to be happy, isn’t working

[Zoe7]

Please join us @Peri - it is a little fun to get us through the night and we are all together - so pop on over to the New Year's Eve thread 

[Former-Member]

Good morning @Peri.

And a happy new year to you as well.  I really do hope that 2019 is a far better year for you.

Did you end up making it to @Zoe7 new years beach party last night?

I didnt see you there while I was there, but I did depart for a while, so may have missed you.

And there was plenty of activity there last night.  The party rocked.  Thanks @Zoe7.

Do you have plans for today Peri?

In past years hubby and I used to always go out for lunch somewhere on new years day.

But we arent doing anything this year.  I asked hubby if he would like to, but he said no.

For a highly social person, he is becoming reclusive.  He has been too ill for way too long.

Okay, speaking of which, he has just emerged from bed so I'd best go get all his morning meds ready for him.

Maybe catch you later.

Sherry 

[Zoe7]

It was a good party with plenty of activity and @Peri did make it for a while @Former-Member which was so lovely to see. Happy New Year to you both - I do hope this year brings you both moments of happiness and some better times ahead 

[Peri]

Hi @Former-Member

I did go for a little while, but I am not good in crowds.  I am really sad today, no plans and I feel lost and alone.  

I miss having someone special in my life. But you just have to hope with these matters. They can’t be forced.  I feel like crying .  

Peri

[Former-Member]

Good morning @Peri, and also @Zoe7.

Peri, I'm glad you got to Zoe's NYE beach party.  I do understand what you say about crowds, and the party thread did move very quickly with so many attendees.  But I found it fun and a bit of much needed distraction. 

Hugs to you beautiful 🤗 as you feel so lost and alone.  I am sorry you are missing your long departed husband so much right now.  Christmas time is always a time where we remember lost loved ones, even more than usual.  Do you ever 'talk' to him I wonder?  I talk to my little niece, sometimes when alone I talk vocally to her, other times just in my own mind.  We used to be close, despite living a long way from her, but I would phone her or she would phone me at least weekly.  We had such a lot on common, from when I was her age.  Its now a little over 3 years since we lost her in a tragic freak car accident. We will always remember those we have loved and lost, the missing of them never goes away.

I know its different for you, because you lost your lifelong partner, the man you loved.  We all want and need someone special in our lives. But you're right, finding another cannot be forced.  And its also possible that you are not yet ready to move on anyway?  The timeframe for everyone is different, there are no rules when it comes to grief and loss.

If you feel like crying ... my advice would be to find a quiet place and to let the tears flow.  If you need to ... cry .. shout ... thump a pillow ... whatever helps you to release emotions.  Yell at the world which seems to be so unfair to us at times.  It may help, so perhaps give it a try.

But always retain hope Peri, that these feelings will pass.  I recall you saying some time ago that your depression tends to run in cycles, 3 or 5 yearly was it?  It always resolves, so be confident that it will again.  I wish you did not have the added responsibility of your son living at home with you.  It does sound as though he and his issues bring you undone at times.  When we are feeling low, as you are now, its so hard not to let things get to us.  I expect when you are not so low, the issues with your son would not cause as much distress as what it currently is.  Dont forget too that you are currently adjusting to a new home and a new location.  This is a pretty major life adjustment to contend with.  Give yourself time, and also permission, to grieve the loss of a lifestyle as well as everything else.

I hope you are able to find something positive in your day today Peri. 

Sherry 🌺🤗💕

[Former-Member]

Hi again @Peri.

I was just thinking about you and thought I'd come back and make a suggestion.  My apologies if I have suggested this in the past, but I have forgotten if I did.

I dont know where you you live, but I think all States in Australia have an organisation called U3A.  That stands for University of the 3rd Age.  It is for people who are aged 50+ and are retired or semi-retired from work. It aims to help people such as us keep active (both mind and body) and to develop new social networks.  For many of us when we retire from work, we lose many of our usual social networks, and this organisation is a good way to encourage us to find new ones.

The organisation consists of many volunteer tutors and course leaders, who offer a wide variety of different courses. There is bound to be something that sparks your interest. There are no academic prerequisites or entrance requirements other than a passion for and interest in learning new skills and interests. If you are comfortable in future, therew is also the ability to share your own knowledge and skills to others.

There are no exams or tests, and no awards are granted. U3A Organisation is a self-help, voluntary, not-for-profit organisation, and is part of a world-wide network of Universities of the Third Age (U3A). 

Can I suggest you look up U3A for your local area and check out their current programs to see if there is anything you might be interested in?  Last year I was enrolled in an art class which was run by a retired art teacher.  It was really good, very informal which suited me, but there were also a diverse group of people there.  It ranged from a retired commercial artist to an adorable hippy type lady who just wanted to have fun with paints.  It can be whatever you want it to be.  I am interested this year in enrolling in a Tai Chi class, something my psychologist suggested for me.  The programs are usually run during school terms.  It could be a nice way for you to get out of the house, away from your son for a time, to help you relax and meet new people in your area.

Thinking of you @Peri.  @Zoe7 I hope that psych apt of yours is going well and that you are feeling up to art supplies and bunnings shopping afterwards.  Thinking of you too my friend.

Sherry 

[Zoe7]

Hi @Peri and @Former-Member Sending my best wishes and thoughts to both of you.

@Peri What seems impossible now may not tomorrow - hold on to your wonderful memories and as @Former-Member said - cry if you need to - it can be a release of emotions that we sometimes need 

[Former-Member]

Dear @Peri

We havent heard from you in a few days and there was no response to my recent posts to you. I'm mindful that you may not want to get any likely email notifications from here. So my apologies if thats the case. I'll make this brief as I'm a bit concerned about you, and I know you're going through a difficult time right now. So I'm here now to ask "Are you okay"? 

Sherry 🌺🤗💕 

[Peri]

Hi @Former-Member

I am sorry I have not posted, I am really struggling to know what to say, I don’t want to sound negative all the time.  I am not feeling ok at all. Ther e is a lot going on emotionally for me and I am trying to find reasons to hold on here. I guess there is still some hope left, but I am losing it fast.  

To make matters more complicated, my birth mother is dying in Melbourne and I can’t go there, lots of reasons. But it is leaving me feeling very conflicted

tess

[Former-Member]

Oh @Peri, I am so sorry to hear about your birth mother being terminally ill.  Given you say 'birth mother', I am making an assumption that you were brought up by adoptive parents.  Have you been in contact with your birth mother all along, or is it a relatively recent thing that you were reunited with her?  Whatever the case, it sounds as though you are now quite close emotionally, if not distance wise.  I do understand how conflicted we can feel if we are torn between more than one obligation.  In some small way, I had a similar struggle a couple of months ago when my Dad had his stroke and was looking like not pulling through. At the same time hubby was also very unwell and feeling very vulnerable.  We are very much conflicted when it comes to having to choose.  You say there are reasons for your inability to go and see your mother, and I'm sure those reasons are valid. No need to elaborate here by the way.  

Peri, sometimes we need to express our negativity in words and feelings. Please know that you can do that here any time. We each go through periods of that or, at least I know I do.  But then I can come back when I'm not in such a deep hole, and I can be more positive again. I can give something back the and (I'd like to think) be of help to others going through a tough time.  Its very much give and take here ... everyone knows what its like.  

I'm glad to hear you say that you have some hope left, but sad that you feel you're losing it fast.  Things add up against us sometimes and its that accumulation of factors which hit us so hard.  You have had many recently, and still more happening now for you.

Are you able to talk to your birth mother on the phone, or is she unable to communicate verbally?  Does she have other family members there with her in Melbourne?

I really feel for you Peri and I so wish I could relieve you of some of that pain you are going through right now. But please do not give up hope.  It will not always be this hard, things will slowly resolve, they always do.  Hi @Zoe7, saw you there.

Sherry