Trying to be happy, isn’t working

[Peri]

Thank you, hugs and an ear are great, I didn’t actually expect anyone to be able to do anything thank you

[Peri]

Thanks for the reply @Former-Member ,

yes, it seems my step daughter and I are at an impasse, I am sad about that, but am not going to let it concern me more than it has to.  I have three step children and they grew up really close with my children. I loved them then and do now, but never see them anymore. All sorts of reasons I suppose but it is sad. But that is life. People come and people go.

yes with all this nonsense about the corona virus travel is a concern. I don’t know what I would do.  Perhaps the government will decide for you. 

I am sorry that you have had a tough time, I knew your trauma “anniversary “ was close and how awful that must be.  That and everything else in your life .  

There are are lots of pluses to having my son here,,  we have always stuck by one another and are very close and I get to see my granddaughter when she is here every week.   He is funny and unique. But also has terrible anxiety.

i feel rather flat today, but that will pass, I hope I feel better tomorrow. I haven’t achieved a thing. Never mind. 

Do take care sherry, hugs from peri

[Peri]

Hi all, 

i think it is a month or so since I last posted.  

My step daughter and I have patched up our differences. But somehow I will never trust her again.

in the mean time her sister has been diagnosed with a quite aggressive breast cancer and this week had a mastectomy.   I am worried about what they will find when they look at the pathology.

i am finding that I have some happier times, though I still get very anxious and that really does my head in.

i have been reading and knitting and trying to keep occupied but something other than cleaning.  

I think  I hate my son. I don’t know what else to say and can say it to no one in my life.  He can be horrid to me really nasty about his life and having been brought up by a woman. His father died when he was young. I can’t take much more just facing criticism and he is one of those people who knows everything and is always right.   The reverse is also true, I adore him and he is great, but this is so hard. 

Peri

[Shaz51]

ohhhh sending you lots of tender hugs my @Peri 

@Former-Member, @outlander , @Zoe7 

[Former-Member]

Hi dear @Peri  .. its so nice to hear from you again.  Yes, its been a while.

I am very happy that you have patched up your differences with your step daughter, but its sad that former trust has been lost. I understand your need to be wary however.  At least you can now maintain contact.

Oh no ... I am very sorry to hear that your other step daughter has cancer requiring a mastectomy.  And aggressive form of breast cancer is never what anyone wants to hear.  Yes, the pathology report will no doubt prove telling. Fingers crossed things are not as bad as they might be.  

How good is that ... that you have been finding some happier times.  I am really pleased for you Peri.  Its good that you have been finding pleasure in your knitting and reading.  I have been doing some diamond painting in my spare time.  And I recently subscribed to an audible books company.  I havent done any real reading for such a long time.  And my eyes have been troubling me a lot lately, meaning I just cannot read for long at all.  So the audible books means I can listen through my mobile phone ... with eyes closed ... and have a full story read to me.  A nice option.  Although I have to say its taken a bit of getting used to.  My mind tends to wander very quickly, and I miss stuff.  But I'm getting there.

That doesnt sound ideal about your son.  Very much a love/hate relationship I guess.  But from your words, it sounds as though the strong love wins out in end.  Of course its hard.  Bringing him up on your own would also have been very hard.

I'm not feeling too well this evening Peri, but wanted to take the opportunity to respond to your post. Thanks also for your lovely words on my PTSD thread.  You are very kind .. and generous with your friendship for an unworthy soul such as me.  But it is very much appreciated.  Please take care and try to check in more often if you can.

Sherry 💕

[Peri]

Hello @Former-Member , @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander @Eve7 @Appleblossom @Faith-and Hope @Starta , and any others kind enough to read me.

we have had storms all night in wa. Mostly rain where I live , some winds. But survived.  But I did not sleep well so I am tired and feeling very anxious for some reason now.  I do not want the day to progress, I feel sort of futile.my dogs ar on my bed, well two of them are, and I am having a coffee.  I haven’t cooked for days, but my son and his friend have provided food.  I just can’t be bothered.  I shall bake a chocolate cake today and roast a chicken later.  I will have to go and buy it first, and some Veges to make up a batch of dog food.  

I feel very alone, but don’t have the energy to contact friends.  We are allowed out for coffe now, and to restaurants, 

personally I have no time for the extent of the controls that have been put in place and the blindness with which people are just following them. It has really stunned me.  I worked a life time in health and am very aware of infection control standards and what has happened is not consistent at all.  Ah well.

i have been working in my garden lately I want it to look better, it is very daggy. And I always lived with Gardens,  my mother and her parents were gardeners and my husband also liked gardening. So that shall be my retirement venture.

i hope that this weather doesn’t keep up all week. That would be miserable.  

The worst thing about this storm is that we were told to secure everything, so my son put the bins in the garage meaning to bring them out this morning, but he missed as the trucks come early, so I shall have a week of a horrid bin and two weeks for the recycling. Yuk. I knew that would happen. Never mind it can’t be changed now.

as the library is open I may go ther and borrow a book.  Then tackle the ironing.

well I hope everyone is travelling ok and safe. 

Peri

[Appleblossom]

@Peri

Some days we need to turn in more and care for our spirit.  Glad that storm has passed and its fine enough to get in the garden.  Enjoy.

Its difficult raising a son alone.  Their maturation comes in spits and spurts, but they will always be younger and the child. I had a few very difficult years but mine has turned a corner.  I did have to say; I had enough, tho.

Hoping your day gradually improves.

Hugs

Apple

[Eve7]

Hi @Peri 

You really are amazing to have such plans and vision when you feel so alone.

I really admire your ability to see a hopeful and pleasant future when you are down.

Sorry about the bins being missed, maybe get all dressed up for the grand outing next week.

Take care, don’t give up...you’ve inspired me ❤️💐

[outlander]

@Peri

[Former-Member]

Hi there @Peri ... lovely to hear again from you yesterday.  I had been thinking of you when I heard about the wild weather about to hit our Western State the day before yesterday.  I believe you also had some bad weather again yesterday?  I spoke to my inlaws only a little while ago, they live in Perth.  Like you by the sounds of things, they missed the worst of it.

Really hope you start to get some better weather soon, to enable you to get out into the garden to commence your retirement venture.  Sounds good to me ... a clear canvas upon which to start, and hopefully a garden centrepiece once you complete it all.  

I have to agree with you about all the many and varied restrictions and controls around the country due to Coronavirus.  I understand the initial need for it, but really wish things were uniform across the country rather than every state different.  Little wonder everyone has been confused about how they are all affected.  And yes I have to agree that many of the 'coming out of lockdown' rules are a little hard to understand.  For example how is going to the gym any different to going to the supermarket? Equipment etc will all need to be cleaned .. eg trolley and basket handles in supermarkets, and gym equipment in gyms. Really no different.  But supermarkets have never closed, and gyms remain closed for the foreseeable future.  Okay food is essential, but so too is exercise and wellbeing.  Thats just one example, but there are many others.  All very confusing.  You might have figured out that I am a little frustrated not being able to get to the gym. 😵  I had been so good too by going twice a week for several months ... a pilates class once and a specially devised gym session once.  So its going to be really hard to get back into the routine again, if or when they finally open up again.

Ewww yukky bin smells for 2 whole weeks.  Could you perhaps bag it up and put it in a bin around town?  Or is that not the done thing?

Did you end up going to the library yesterday?.  What have you been reading lately?  I have been using audio books instead of the physical books lately.  Much as I love real books, but eyes have been playing up quite badly, so I had been avoiding it all together.  Although the audiobooks take some getting used to, I am getting the hang of it now.  Have already 'read' a couple of books.

Ummm, did you end up tackling the ironing?  Now thats something I very rarely do these days. Most of what I usually wear, does not need ironing.

Look forward to hearing from you again soon.  Great to see you in the Wellbeing thread too, and to see the pic of beautiful little Phoebe.

Lovely to see that you are receiving support here too from @outlander @Eve7 @Appleblossom and others.  You know you can come anytime you need a chat or advice.  I hope your anxiety has settled somewhat since yesterday when you posted. Did you end up doing the chocolate cake and roast chicken yesterday? Perhaps you could set a goal today to again cook something nice for dinner?

Sherry 💕