It's just my psychologist, not my Pdoc @tyme
He has been happy for me to email him previously, and he said yesterday that it would be okay if something came up.
Yeah, I get that with paying and stuff, but he has clarified that it was okay.
And as you will see in the end, I say, "I don't mind if you leave this until I see you next or if you can give me a reply." So I will give him a choice.
Email
Hi,
I am following up on our session yesterday. I have a few questions/concerns.
First session regularity: I remember you mentioning how "most people" do fortnightly sessions, and I feel that this disregards individual needs when comparing other people's frequency of appointments. We shouldn't go on what the "normal" is, as that's not fair to me. Furthermore, when we were close to the end of the session discussing this, I was getting emotional about it and did not really want to do it fortnightly. I felt you kept pushing it quite a lot, to the point where I agreed to be able to see you still if I needed to, which in itself is pretty tricky to be able to know by a particular day, either this week or early next week, and then knowing if you can still see me between your schedule and also mine.
Second emotional state: I'm not sure if I have this wrong or not, but I do find it very hard to show emotion in front of anyone and to get to the point of nearly crying over session regularity should further indicate that I'm upset about it and again not entirely comfortable with having fortnightly sessions. In addition, when I was about to cry, I am unsure if trying to stop me from crying was the best thing. Yes, the emotional regulation stuff worked, but it was all so very fast from the moment you mentioned the fortnightly session to when I had a peak in distress to leaving. I know we did go over, but I wasn't expecting it. As I mentioned, the past two weeks were quite difficult, and yesterday, there were many other things to discuss, especially how things are fluctuating so much with my mood.
Additionally, I received feedback from someone who mentioned, "I don't really understand why he closed off your emotional state of distress rather than holding space." I'm unsure what your thoughts are on that, but I wanted to share that with you as I feel this happened.
Lastly, I’d like to mention a conversation I had with someone last week. I think on Sunday, I mentioned how I wasn’t feeling great, and she asked what we would do tonight. I said the following, mentioned how I am seeing you on Wednesday, and asked if you would increase the number of sessions. There are numerous reasons as to why that’s a no, but it was more that she mentioned than right when I liked weekly, and yes, sometimes feeling like I’m just waiting and then for you to bring up the fortnightly. I did think of mentioning it, but the timing was not right.
“We, hmm, not sure. Chat, I guess. I get to see my psych on Wednesday. I wish it would hurry up, but then it will be over, and I'll be feeling shit on Thursday, and then I want to see him again and have to wait until the next Wednesday.
I don't mind if you leave this until I see you next or if you reply to me.
I do hope this is okay with me sharing some thoughts and feelings I’ve had since yesterday.
Thank you
