Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Ah okay @tyme 

The ones I've tagged you in. I know it was a couple of days ago, but did you see the one I posted at 10:00 pm on Wednesday? I didn't even realise the time. 

[ArraDreaming]

When was that @Birdofparadise8

[tyme]

Sorry @Birdofparadise8 ,

I'll go back and check.

[tyme]

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@Birdofparadise8 wrote:

TS was the only good time I've had so far in the past few weeks. Everything else has been so hard. 

Recovery isn't linear, but how long do I go on like this? I hate that I just sit here crying over nothing. Tears run down my face, and I don't know what for. Feeling this wave of sadness when I don't have a reason to be sad @tyme 

I just want to go back to when I was little and stop the bullying when I was five and try harder to force my parents into letting me move schools, and then things might not be so bad. I don't even know why people were mean to me, I never did anything to anyone. I was always nice, but for some reason, people thought they could bully me from the age of five. It's so young no one deserves that. It hurts so much. I have this photo on my phone of me when I was five, and I looked so happy. I wish I could have defended little me. The only time she ever truly felt safe was then ripped away from her. I couldn't communicate with my parents, so I never had an outlet. I never had a safe space feelings-wise. My parents never hurt me or anything. 

Gosh I'm not sure why I'm even rambling about this. Now I'm sitting here sobbing over this. 

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You mean this post @Birdofparadise8 ? I've just scrolled back

[Birdofparadise8]

Yep @tyme 

When was what @ArraDreaming? I'm confused. 

[tyme]

Honestly? @Birdofparadise8 Only read the content if you feel ready for it.

Content/trigger warning

By reading your examples, it sounds like your whole like has been about depending on or seeking support from other people. That is, needing things around you (environment) to 'change' to benefit you internally. This has been helpful, I'm sure, in many instances. At the same time, it sounds like your ability to rely on your own internal resources to help yourself to soothe yourself has had very little practice.

e.g. when you were bullied, you wanted your mum to change your school; when you are upset here, your source of comfort is based upon others' interactions with you. 

Of course there is a place for all of this, but when one relies only on external comforts, when they are upset, they have trouble de-escalating and re-regulating.

It takes practice to be able to do it. It's about allowing yourself to feel this discomfort and finding ways to use the resources within you.

[Birdofparadise8]

I wanted to move schools because I was bullied for seven years. Wouldn't you want a change of envirmonet once you get to grade seven and realise you don't belong? 

I had to fight every day at school. It was awful. 

I'm not sure how I sought support from others when I was younger, as I never got any. @tyme 

[tyme]

Perhaps your parents were the ones to protect you and therefore you didn't need to develop the skills to self-soothe? 

Please note, this is not a blame game. I'm just throwing out ideas. I'm not a psychologist @Birdofparadise8 

To help you now, I'm wondering if there are ways you can develop some of those skills that may be weak or lacking? 

[Birdofparadise8]

But they didn't protect me @tyme 

They did nothing. They wouldn't soothe me because I would never tell them about the bullying unless the teachers told them, or I was threatened they would tell them if I didn't. I had to soothe myself. I would go home after school, have a snack, do my homework and depending on the day I would have ballet or karate. Then, if my parents weren't home, that would be a time I could get upset, but once they got home, I would have to seem happy again. 

I feel like there's some miscommunication happening. I was never talking about self-soothing in the original post I was talking about how the bullying made me feel and how I wish I could have protected my younger self so she didn't have to grow up and be me. 

[tyme]

Perhaps we are on a different page.

As part of your post, I think I saw it from the perspective that it's not about protecting and removing you from the situation but teaching you to find ways to manage and support yourself.

So it's not about avoiding or pretending that you are 'happy' and that challenges didn't exist, but finding ways to work with those challenges by developing the skills to do so. @Birdofparadise8