Not Coping

[Snowie]

Yes I remember your volunteering gig @Birdofparadise8 I really hope you have a good time at it today. My D does volunteering too and loves it.

It must feel like rejection at times. And I don't think it helps when things pile on top of each other either. Something that was just a small thing feels bigger now.

I think you are handling it well even if you don't think that for yourself. You are reaching out for support on here and that is a great thing to be able to do.

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, it was nice meeting him last week. He is about 65, I think. 

Yes, very much so. I swear I have so much rejection around me all the time. Why can't things be normal for a small part? I just want to live my life and not have so much negativity around me. 

My psych is really going to love this tomorrow. 

Did you see my posts from yesterday afternoon and Friday? I probably didn't handle it the best then. I was such a mess. I wasn't coping at all. @Snowie 

I'm always on here. Everyone is most likly sick of me complaining all the time. 

[Snowie]

What is normal @Birdofparadise8?

I wish I knew. I don't think anything in my life is normal. Mundane maybe but certainly not normal.

I saw your posts from yesterday and Friday. Sometimes we just have to accept things for how they are. It doesn't make it any easier of any less painful however. But sometimes whatever we do, we still cannot change the outcome.

Perhaps a debrief to your psych will help. I find talking things out helps me. My poor psych cops it too!

I think that if this is the place you need to be then so be it. These forums are here to support people. Sometimes it is better to let it all out on here then bottle it up inside of us.

[Birdofparadise8]

I just mean somewhat normal where things don't that are hard, painful or full of rejection and hurt happen.

I don't know how to accept it all. It's too painful. 

Oh yeah, it will be good. I just feel bad. 

One thing I don't like it how he nods his head when I'm talking about something. He reaches like far back and into his neck. I feel like his supposed mmm, ah huh, etc, can come across as patronising or fake. I'm not sure if I'm explaining that right or using the right words. I don't know if patronising is what it is, but it feels like something. 

Do you ever say you don't know to your psych? And how does it make you feel when you say it? 

I feel really bad when I keep saying it, but I really don't know. @Snowie 

[Snowie]

If I can't accept things then I start small. I break things down into smaller parts so it doesn't feel as daunting. It might take longer to get through things, but it does help in the end.

I've said 'I don't know' to my psych on numerous occasions @Birdofparadise8 

Whenever I feel like I cannot answer a question or don't know the answer to it, I will say it.

I used to say it because I thought I didn't have the answer she wanted to hear. It took me a long time to realise that I just needed to be truthful with her.

I don't think it makes me feel anyway anymore. It did used to make me feel worthless. That I was useless that I couldn't even answer a simple question. But, we cannot have the answers all of the time, no one ever can. There are times where our psych's wouldn't know the answer to things either. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Right, okay, that makes sense.

Yeah I know he still says he doesn't understand my "sadness" so to speak. I'm just sad. I don't know how to explain it. 

I think I have trouble explaining my emotions. 

I don't even know how to break it down into smaller steps. Would you be able to help me at all? @Snowie, if you don't know, that's okay. 

I'm referring mostly to the RO thing. 

[Snowie]

@Birdofparadise8 if he says he doesn't understand your sadness then I would find that as a positive in a way. At least he is being honest with you instead of just pretending to understand.

Have you tried writing down your emotions at all? Writing down what makes you sad and the feelings you have when you are sad. Sometimes writing down helps me, it makes it easier to express my thoughts. Perhaps if you feel comfortable then you can try that and then give it to him. It might just make it easier to express yourself.

The RO thing would be hard to deal with, I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. Especially when it was a surprise. Not expecting that would have made it even harder.

Perhaps you can write a list of how you can deal with it.

1. Responding to the email

2. Accepting the ban

3. Listing down how it makes you feel

4. Working through those emotions one at a time

5. Listing other sites that can support you through this time

6. Visiting those other sites and letting them know what has happened

7. Talking to your supports about it

8. Acknowledging what went wrong so it doesn't happen again (I'm not saying it was your fault)

These are just a few steps. You can break them down even more and/or put them in a different order if you wanted too. Some of these things you probably have already done.

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @Snowie 

That is really helpful. You are breaking that down for me. I'm not being rude, but others just keep telling me to accept it and do not even help me with it. I asked KHL last night, and she didn't even know and said to ask my psych. 

Yeah, I guess it is. I just don't know how to explain the sadness, but I'll try writing it down. He also said if i have songs, images etc that could help explain how I feel. 

3, 5, 6 and 7 would be the easiest the others not so much. 

What do you mean by responding to the email? I replied to them, and they said I was aggression, a lack of taking responsibility for the ways your posts breach guidelines, and/or accusations the team unfairly target you. 

KHL said when I read out my email to her that I wasn't being aggressive. I also said how they take things from zero to one hundred so fast. They could have just moved the post. I told her what happened and she was shocked that the post was even classed as high risk and for a ban. 

By the way, with 6, I only have SANE. 

[Snowie]

@Birdofparadise8 I find things hard to accept, especially when they are out of my control.

Yes we do need to accept things in order to move forward, but that is not as simple as it sounds. It can be really hard to do.

I've never thought of writing down songs or including images in my writing. That is a really good idea. I might use that next time I need to write down things for my psych.

Not all steps will be easy, nor might you accomplish them. Once again, do not be hard on yourself. If you don't achieve all the steps then that is ok too.

It sounds like you have already responded to their email. I'm sorry they said those things about you. Please remember that is only one persons opinion of you. I have only ever seen a nice, caring and thoughtful person.

I have only ever had Sane too.

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh no, I mean like printing out the photos. I found a heap of images on Google. Even quotes or poems. 

Thank you @Snowie 

I was angry when I wrote the emails, but when I reread them yesterday to my regular, I didn't even think they were rude. 

I replied to their last email with a few questions, and I don't think they will reply. They said this was there last email until the eight weeks are up. It's like there angry at me. It just really hurts. I also don't like how they kept saying I was in crisis and needing immediate support when I really didn't I just wanted to chat.