Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, maybe they do, but it's not how I want to feel cared for @creative_writer 

Is that selfish of me to say?

[Zoe7]

@Birdofparadise8 That was another example not an always thing.

That though is a good example of how you often go straight to the negative and not see the intention of support members are giving. I am not saying that to be nasty or mean but to highlight that a lot of your conversations are turned inward upon yourself and you get defensive. That is something we can explore here and you can also do with your psych.

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh okay, sorry @Zoe7 

Yes, I'm feeling quite defensive right now, and that I need to prove myself. 

[Zoe7]

What you said to @creative_writer is not selfish @Birdofparadise8 but is it realistic? That goes back to one of my previous questions. It is okay to need comfort and support but it is not okay to expect it from others to make ourselves feel better - that, too, has to come from within ourselves. It is just as important (even moreso) to validate ourselves as it is to others doing the same.

[Zoe7]

What is it you need to prove? @Birdofparadise8 You certainly do not need to prove any of your life experiences (we all have them) and you do not need to prove you need support - we are asking though what that looks like for you and asking you to think realistically about it. I know that is often hard when emotions come into play but I am trying to help you separate the emotive side of things to the intellectual side of things - sometimes that is helpful to be able to gain a grasp on what you ACTUALLY need as opposed to what you WANT.

[Birdofparadise8]

Hey, maybe it's not realistic for every single person in my life to text me or check in on me, but it would be nice for just one person to take five minutes from their day to say hey, how are you? Or something. In my whole life, no one but my parents would check in on me, and by their stands of checking in, it wouldn't be about my depression and emotional support. Maybe I'm just craving it because I've never had it, so I want to feel wanted and cared for. @Zoe7 

I'm a little confused with this. "It is okay to need comfort and support, but it is not okay to expect it from others to make ourselves feel better". 

If it's not okay to expect it from others, then why would anyone ever want comfort from someone else? If we have to rely on ourselves. Isn't it human nature to want comfort from another human? 

[Birdofparadise8]

To prove to be here @Zoe7. 

Right okay. Like when the emotional part of the brain is taking over. 

[Zoe7]

Yes it is human nature @Birdofparadise8 but it is also important to be able to receive that from ourselves. If we are not okay with ourselves then no matter what comfort comes from others, it will never be enough.

I do understand you wanting people to reach out, be thinking about you and what that connection with you without you making the first move there but it is an external source that you cannot rely on as it is not under your control. What is under your control (but you need to work on strategies in this area) is how you feel when that external support does not come. For example, it is okay to expect others to ask how you are when you ask them the same but if they do not then it may not be about you at all and just the place they are in at the time. Learning to get annoyed or hurt by that for a time then moving on is key - we are allowed to feel what we feel but when it gets to a point that those feelings are sustained for longer periods of time, then that is when we need help to change our mindset as @creative_writer was talking about.

[Zoe7]

Yes exactly @Birdofparadise8 When your emotional brain takes over - how can we change that mindset to think more analytically or intellectually about things 👍

[Zoe7]

@Birdofparadise8 BTW you do not have to 'prove' to be here Hon - you are part of the community.