Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @creative_writer 

Fear of abandonment. Hmm, maybe I should talk to my psych about that. 

I suppose as well. Right now, I'm not as busy as I don't have work or uni, so I have a lot more downtime between the things I've been doing to keep busy. 

Yeah, I know you've been struggling. I wasn't referring this to just you. It's good to hear you're getting on top of it. I do have the RO forums, but they are so different than here. 

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8, I think talking to your psych about your fear of abandonment would be a good idea. It is completely valid fear. Bullying can lead to deep emotional wounds. It is perfectly human to want to feel loved, cared for and have safe people to reach out to when distressed. Your relationship with your parents is also complex and I’m guessing you didn’t get much opportunity to learn how to self-regulate your emotions. I hope you can build some emotional regulation skills in therapy. I think uni can be a good distraction, I do find it to be. It gives you a sense of achievement. I hope this year goes well for you hon 💖

[Birdofparadise8]

What's your take on it @creative_writer? 

Yeah, I probably have some deep stuff there. Yes, I didn't have that opportunity. I do have a few things to try and help, but sometimes it can be so hard. 

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8, some traumas aren’t obvious. I think it would be worth exploring your attachment with your parents in therapy. In an ideal situation children would have safe people (often parents) to go to when they feel distressed. Parents would often model healthy ways to cope with emotions. I know my parents were never taught to cope with their emotions, so I can’t blame them for not knowing how to handle mine. I also wonder whether you were taught from a young age not to cry, and therefore you have negative associations with crying. Were your parents comfortable with you crying? Were other people comfortable with you crying?You don’t need to answer. Something worth thinking about

[Birdofparadise8]

My mum would get super worried when I cry and would be way overprotective. 

That's why I don't like crying around them @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8 I wonder if that’s why you developed a negative association with crying. I know I did when people around me didn’t feel comfortable

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, it could be @creative_writer 

How do you go about abandonment?

[tyme]

Heya @Birdofparadise8 @creative_writer 🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

How are you @tyme 

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8, I wouldn’t say abandonment wouldn’t hurt me, it would, it’s human nature. I think it’s about other ways of thinking about a situation. Other people may not respond because they are busy, they may have other things going on in their lives. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, and maybe think about the things that they have done in the past to show their love and care. It’s also natural for people to drift apart, we all grow up, and sometimes these drifts a normal. Adult life can sometimes feel like you’re making friends, losing contact with some of them and making new friends. That’s perfectly normal. I know I only really need a few close people and I’m good. More friends isn’t better.

I probably would say I’m more of the avoidant type. I fear ending up with the wrong people and getting hurt. I have the mentality “better off alone”. I’m on the other side of the coin, and I know this isn’t a healthy way of living either. My mum has intense separation anxiety, maybe it’s fear of abandonment, I don’t know, grandpa died when I was a toddler. It can be hard sometimes when I want space, but we are all individual

Hi @tyme, how are you?