Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

That's cool. How long do you go there for @Blackbird11? 

Since Sunday, things have started to go downhill. I'm not motivated at all to even do simple things. My mood has plummeted, and I'm crying a lot more. I'm really struggling again. Last night I was looking through old photos, some from when I was five up until 18 and how, at times, I was happy and oblivious to what was to come. Especially the happy one of me at five years old. I was so innocent, but no, only one awful thing after another at school kept happening. I'm so sad and alone; literally, I don't have anyone. I'm unsure as to why I'm crying right now, and I want it to go away. I'm safe. 

I'm currently working on the Lego Bonsai Tree. I've done nothing again all day other than have a shower. Yesterday, I at least tried to cook a horrible meal. Why can't I just be happy? I feel like I've gone back from, say, three weeks ago. I have had so much motivation the past few weeks and have been somewhat happy, but that's all gone. 

[Blackbird11]

Do you struggle around Christmas @Birdofparadise8 ?

The birthday celebration for recovery collage was only for the afternoon.  They offer short courses throught the season semesters.

[Birdofparadise8]

I don't think that has anything to do with my feelings. I'm usually too busy @Blackbird11. Maybe it's just the expectation of seeming happy, but other than that, it's okay. 

Ah okay. Have you finished your course?

[Blackbird11]

Yes for now I have @Birdofparadise8 

Be gentle with yourself @Birdofparadise8, you've just settled back from being interstate. You have moving to think about aswell as the school year ending... it ads up

[Birdofparadise8]

I was so much better over the past few weeks. It's just come crashing down. 

I get my results next week of sem two. I'm in week four of my summer unit. It's pretty easy. 

Oh no, I'm happy to be back here. I couldn't stay any longer. That was more than enough seeing my parents @Blackbird11. 

[Blackbird11]

Are you enjoying the summer unit? @Birdofparadise8 

[Birdofparadise8]

It's alright. It's on criminology and the content and assignment are very first year walking you through it all. It was an elective and I wanted to do it so I could do it in the summer and then I have one less unit to do later @Blackbird11 

[Blackbird11]

That's good for you @Birdofparadise8 

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I guess @Blackbird11 

Sorry, I don't get why I'm feeling so low. 

What are you doing tomorrow? I have a session with my psych it's good timing. 

[Blackbird11]

There could be lots of reasons why you are low. I know from my own experience that I have had to have professional help understanding it. So it is very timely you have Psych tomorrow.  I hope you can get some clarity on the situation @Birdofparadise8 

My work shift was cancelled for tomorrow. So I will use the opportunity to study and catch up with a friend.