My Mosaic

[Eve7]

My h was told something similar about me @Bow  that I’d always be like that, in and out of hospital  and probably take my own life.

Well I was like it for 10 years then I realised the pain I was causing my family and just decided to get well. I stopped seeing my pdoc, stopped all medication, we moved away and I never even talked about my mh journey. I did have really good counselling and prayer with our then pastor. I also promised h I would not attempt  s again.

I stayed “well” for almost 20 years and even with h dying I coped or, at times, pretended to cope.

Last year S1 came home with 2 toddlers in  tow and a broken heart. I was still working full time, coaching elite sport and I just came undone.

I keep telling myself “I’m not like this anymore” but I just keep sinking and I’ve really isolated myself by not telling any of my friends what is really going on.

Sorry if that’s too much

[Bow]

Thanks for sharing @Eve7  I’m just leaving for a walk, feeling bit edgy and need to unwind from this arvo. I will reply more later tonight x

[Bow]

@Eve7 do you think you just coped and survived for too long on your own and then the was nothing left but to crash? i think sometimes we just cruise along in life on auto pilot and then it gets switched off and we crash. I think that is what happened for me. 

i spend 8 mths in rehab dealing with stuff when i was unwell many years ago, it helped and i got my life back, i got off all my meds, didnt see any therapists or anything, was working full time and started helping others.  but then my marriage ended, i survived on auto pilot for a few years i think because i had to, but then crashed hard and fast. 

must of been hard to just up and move and leave that all behind? or was it what you needed to get better? I moved states when i first became unwell, thinking that i could leave it all behind, but i was so wrong and was sexually assaulted shortly after moving. 

does you son and grandkids live with you? you mention them alot, but not sure sorry. 

its hard when we isolate ourselves @Eve7  and dont share with our friends how life really is. it truly is a lonely journey. most of my friends are church people because i didnt grow up here, i have a few work mates, but im not working anymore, so they have kind of drifted off. my friends that i have around me know my old life and how i struggled alot, but i have only told a select few how things are at the moment and even then they dont know the whole truth. so much shame. 

thanks again for sharing @Eve7 i think we have walked similar journeys

x

[Eve7]

We have travelled a similar journey @Bow and, like you, I carry a lot of shame over this wretched mi.

My son recently bought a house but he is with me at present. I am unsure what will happen this year when school starts as it’s complicated with his wife and she’s  not close by. 

We moved originally as our pastor was starting a new church and we wanted to stay with him but when our kids finished high school they both went to uni in Qld so h and I moved north. 

This is past year has been a nightmare in lots of ways but I am trying to hold onto 2Tm1:7 We’ve not been given a spirit of fear but of powered, love and a sound mind.

💖🙏💖

[Anastasia]

Hugs and hugs to both of you very special friends @Eve7 @Bow 🤗🤗💕💕🌷🌷

[Bow]

hugs back at ya @Anastasia how are you feeling this evening? I hope better than last night

[Anastasia]

Thank you @Bow 

Yes definitely better. I spent the majority of today in bed so hopefully tomorrow I can be up and do some diamond painting. 

Just back in bed now so I'll say goodnight and hope that sleep comes easy for us all 💖😘

Night to you too @Eve7 @Emelia8 and anyone else following along 🤗💞

[Emelia8]

Good night @Anastasia 💤😴

@Bow 🌷

[Bow]

Glad to hear @Anastasia sleep well 

I’ve jusy crawled into bed too, feeling fairly drained tonight so hoping to manage some sleep. Night @Eve7 @Emelia8 @Snowie sleep well my friends 💕

[Emelia8]

You too @Bow 💤💗