Hello @Bow
In your last message, I can see that you are trying to understand what is going on for you.
Needless to say, I cannot speak for you. However, I can see some similarities between the position that you have described and my own.
While I had previously been looking for reasons for the way that I felt when I was depressed, I was generally looking in the present or the immediate past for answers and solutions. It was only when I recently {last 12 months} allowed myself, with a counsellors assistance, to look further back, beyond the recurring psychological symptoms of depression and other issues, that were negatively impacting my life, that I began to see what the underlying reasons for the symptoms were.
The symptoms, that I have experienced for so long, were the reaction of my mind and body to events that occurred in my childhood and early adult years. What I have, for most of my life, viewed and thought of as 'normal', was not. Some of the events are now considered as abusive and leading to the experience of trauma. When I allowed myself to face the reasons, from 'way back', that became apparent with the assistance of that counsellor, I could start to change what I felt that life was presenting to me, into what I wanted and want from my life.
The issues and the symptoms will probably always be with me to some degree. But I do believe that separating and releasing myself from the causes of the symptoms, rather than trying to deal with the symptoms themselves, has allowed me to gradually improve my space and place in life. And the effects of the damage that occurred and has been evident, as presented by symptoms, is diminishing.
That change has taken place with the assistance of the counsellor, of whom I have spoken during the past year. You have more time than I am likely to have and I would very much like you to be able to get more from life than what I have seen you describe recently, and what I have experienced in my life.
If I am on the wrong track, please let me know.
With Best Wishes
@HenryX
