My Mosaic

[Snowie]

Hi @Bow 

Just coming past to see how you are and how it went with the SW today.

Hoping things are a little easier 💕

[Bow]

Oh yay! Glad I gave you the idea @Snowie  i like doing things like that. Also fun to tape a gift card to the inside of a huge box. Fill it with heaps of stuffing and watch them search for the gift. 

I’ve had a bit of a rough day. I didn’t sleep well. Went to bed just after seeing all the coverage of the Bondi attack. Was very unsettled and ended up having a couple of distressing dreams about it. Was awake early and anxious to get up and turn the tv on to see any news coverage. Mum was actually rather upset this morning. She started crying and I gave her a hug and she sobbed and said ‘what is happening to our country?’. 

so have felt the heaviness of all that. I have friends that live in the area too. 

I didn’t hear from any SW today. Disappointed. I don’t know why. It really triggers alot of feelings of abandonment. That people do not care. That I do not matter. 
I had an early morning call from a private number, but couldn’t answer it. It would have been comm mh. They called again a little while ago and I took the call. It was the same women from 2 Fridays ago. She was like ‘we’ve been calling but you haven’t been taking our calls.’ Felt like an accusation. Like it was my fault. They called this morning at 9am and I was driving. They called yesterday and I was out. She wasn’t helpful. She said I have their number and to call if I need. 😩

how are you?

[Snowie]

I'm going to buy little containers and put the money in there. Then do lots of layers of wrapping with some lollies. Hopefully they find it fun!!

I can understand not sleeping well @Bow Was very distressing seeing all that coverage. My cousin and her family live in Bondi. Didn't go to sleep until I'd heard from them that they were all safe. It's hard wanting to know whats happening, but at the same time finding it upsetting.

I hope your friends were safe.

Thats really disappointing that you had no contact from the SW. Even a call saying they couldn't make it today would have been nice. I think it's normal to have those feelings hon, they are very valid.

Also sounds like that lady you spoke to was no help. It certainly wasn't your fault. I rarely answer calls from private numbers.

You do reach out. How many times have you messaged your SW hon. I don't think I would want to ring someone if they haven't at least showed me some compassion.

I am ok. Cleaned a lot today. Kept my mind busy. Didn't make it out today. Mum's got an appointment tomorrow afternoon that I have to take her too. Might try again on Wed.

[Bow]

Yeah @Snowie  i have the news on now and have been watching it for the last couple of hours. I want to know the details and what has happened, but at the same time it is so distressing. 
I’ve been to Bondi so many times. I’ve walked across that food bridge. Stood in front of the pavilion. Sigh. Makes me feel sick. 

yeah….. or if she couldn’t call someone else maybe? Maybe she was off sick? At least someone could have called to let me know instead of leaving me hanging. Maybe the workers don’t understand how distressing it is when you are expecting a phone call and it never happens? When you’re desperate for support and it doesn’t come. 

comm mh or my gp call on a private number. Sometimes cmh if I don’t answer the first time they send a text through some kind of system but I can’t reply. Anyways. I have an appointment with my CM on Thursday when she is back… that will be interesting. 

im really hesitant in calling cause if my CM isn’t in then I have to talk to a liaison person and goodness knows who that is going to be! I actually find it more distressing talking to some random who knows nothing about me and asks stupid questions. It’s just easier to do it alone. 

Cleaning is good for keeping us distracted. I crafted this afternoon. And listened to Taylor swift. I might go to the shops tomorrow and finish my Christmas shopping

[AuntGlow]

Hello lovely! @Bow 

Been thinking of you, how are you? 💖

[Bow]

Hi @AuntGlow 

things are still rough. Sorry. And I try to do what I can, but not much is helpful. 
My SW is away this week and I was expecting to hear from my interim SW today but nothing. 
My CM is still away, back Wednesday and I’ve heard nothing from my interim CM. 
It sucks. 

The events at Bondi have also been distressing today. It feels heavy. I’ve been there heaps. I didn’t sleep well last night as I found out about it just as I was going to bed. Had 2 dreams. 

But D is back to school today after all of last week off. 

how r u?

[Snowie]

It is hard to watch @Bow but still want to know. It's just sad how many innocent lives have been lost/changed forever.

Even just a call so you know would have helped. At least you are not left wondering. 

Sometimes I don't think they realise just how damaging it can be.

Good that your CM will be back on Thursday but that doesn't help in the meantime when you need that extra support.

I hope crafting helped a little. I go the study, dining room and entrance way done today. Even scrubbed the front door!! I think the living room will be tomorrow.

Hopefully you can get your christmas shopping finished. The stores just get busier as it gets closer.

[Bow]

The SW was in today. She didn’t call though, just a text to say hi, and if there was anything she could support me with today?. 
it’s hard. I just said nah. What else was I suppose to say? I thought my SW had arranged so that this one would do a home visit while she was away?….. 

I feel so isolated. It’s so hard to ask for help. To ask for support. I feel like I don’t deserve help. Don’t deserve support. Don’t deserve for people to show care and compassion. Sometimes it feels like unless you land yourself in hospital no one wants to hear from you. But here I am hanging on by a thread and people don’t care. 

I want to be more than just hanging on by a thread. But I don’t feel like I have the capacity to do so. I’m not receiving any clinical input, I want it. I asked for it. But again it’s like talking to a brick wall. 

it’s so frustrating. It’s exhausting 

[AuntGlow]

No need to apologise, lovely! @Bow 

I can definitely hear that you are feeling like your needs aren't being met by your support team right now, which must be so tough. 

Yes, it's truly devestating and so overwhleming to hear about what happened at Bondi... how are you taking care of yourself tonight?

Also, how was D's first day back!?

And I am well, it's been a very busy schedule of work and study in my world! I am looking forward to getting out in nature and seeing some friends over the next couple of weeks. 💛

[Bow]

I feel forgotten by everyone @AuntGlow @like what even is the point???  Places that use to feel safe and helpful, supportive and cared for, I no longer feel that. It all just reiterates believes that I have held for such a long time. 

just on the couch. Not much else to do.

D’s day was fine. She was happy to be back. Bought most of her school work home today. They have a disc on Thursday and she gets to dress up all christmasy