My Mosaic

[Bow]

I scanned the waiting room briefly when I came out to see if my SW was still there @Ru-bee  but she wasn’t. So I just headed straight home. She called and texted while driving and she was just sitting in her car but I didn’t wanna go back just wanted to get home. I then sent her a really big text about a few things that happened. She text me back a little… think I could have really used a phone call but then she stopped responding so must of been busy. She’s finished now. 

im just curled up in bed. I feel really sick 

[Ru-bee]

Well I'm glad that you're home safe and wrapped up in bed @Bow do you have your weighted sloth with you too?

[Bow]

Absolutely @Jynx and that’s actually one thing that I overwhelmingly felt sitting there at the end of my appointment. But I couldn’t verbalise that at the time of course. Me saying that I felt like a nuisance was yuck enough. 

my SW said they don’t understand my mh needs or symptoms. And that by me not attending or talking to anyone they just package that up as non engagement and not wanting support. She wanted to know what she said about what has been happening too- which is really nothing. 

why is it so hard @Jynx ?????? I try. I really do. I keep going. I try to fight for what I need. But I just get no where. 
I’m so tired of it all. Tired of trying. Tired of seeking, reaching out. But nothing. 

I just can’t 

not anymore

[Bow]

You know it all just really reiterates the fact that there is something so very wrong with me. That I am flawed. That no one really cares. No one can or wants to help me @Jynx 

[Bow]

Yeah @Ru-bee  mr sloth and my favorite blanket. And the kittens running around everywhere 

[Jynx]

@Bow I know it is a REALLY EASY conclusion to come to - that this is because you are somehow beyond help/too difficult/too complex. I hope that some part of you is able to hear me when I say that THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. 

Trauma-informed care is supposed to centre YOUR NEEDS, not what they think your needs are. The ONLY PERSON who gets to decide what you need, is you. 

And you really should have to fight this hard to get them met 😞

[Bow]

I don’t wanna do this anymore. 

I was brave. I answered a private caller call. Thinking maybe it would be my CM. Maybe she wanted to see if I was ok. Yeah it was her. But no care. No how are you? Just calling to arrange a time next week. Ok bye. 

😩 

im scared 

it feels horrible 

spirally and dark 

[Jynx]

@Bow ach, if I could I would call ya and ask all those things! And I'd be sure to stick around till I know you're okay! Hurrumph. These clowns gotta pick up the pace on their support, grrrr. Wish I could show em the wrath of Jynx!! 

What are you up to at the moment hun? Does your space feel safe at the moment? 

[Bow]

Curled up in a ball on the couch @Jynx 

not particularly 

[Jynx]

@Bow Want me to try to help you make it safer? Or is it less about the physical and more about mental safety right now? 

Do you know where you're at on the scale?