I'm really unwell

[Arizona]

I'm really unwell and I'm not looking after myself. I didn't realise I was so unwell.

I have been in bed all day and I haven't eaten or drunk anything all day. I have just fed my Pug and made myself a cup of tea. 

I don't know why I'm not looking after myself and it makes me sad that I'm not being kind to myself.

I phoned the mental health triage team but the guy wasn't listening to me and he wasn't being understanding or helpful. He was actually being impatient and rude and he argued with me. 

I got off the phone and I cried, which was good because it helped me to get in touch with my feelings, and then I phoned Lifeline. The woman I spoke to didn't really understand what having severe depression is like but she listened to me and I could tell that she wanted to help me. 

I don't know why I have stopped looking after myself. Today I was in a state of depression and anxiety at the same time. It was like I was helpless and I was at the mercy of my negative thoughts. I didn't know how to get myself out of it.

I think it's good that now I understand that I'm in a really bad way.

I feel so traumatised and tortured today.

If you are going to reply please be sensitive and kind.

[Arizona]

I'm going to try and make myself something to eat now.

[Abner]

I'm sorry to hear you're unwell.  When I have days like that I call them days of moving through treacle, it helps me to identify them that way because treacle's dark and thick and sticky, and those days are dark and it's hard to do anything.  Good on you for getting yourself something to eat, you're looking after yourself.  I sometimes that if I establish one thing as something I do each day to complete my day, then when I've done that thing I can say I've completed my day productively, it might be a favourite chore, or something I'm learning or teaching myself.  However, also I've also learnt not to be hard on myself when there are days that I don't do that activity.  Treacle days are tricky things.

[Swansong]

Hi, I am glad you can write so well about what you are going through.  If you don't eat much then you have less energy to deal with anything.  Try fruit or handful of nuts... Some crackers and cheese or a dip.... Or boiled egg... That was at you can eat something healthy quickly with minimal effort.  How long have you felt like this?  If I could help you by these small tips I hope I can.  I'm not too well myself.  At the start of my grief I could not eat or sleep... Then I began eating too much once my appetite came back. Now I am tired day and night... My  naturopath said I have  adrenal fatigue  from stress and grief.  It will take months to heal.  Please be kind to yourself. You sound like you need a hug... So here is big hug. 

[Arizona]

I made myself a salade niçoise (minus the green beans because I didn't have any but it was still nice). I'm going to have a shower now. 

[Peri]

Dear @Arizona ,

Well done, the salad sounds yum and there is nothing like a hot shower to make you feel at least physically a bit better. When I have days like that, I try to accept that is how I feel and that I won’t feel that bad every day.  Also as soon as I feel the energy I will also change my bed, then I feel like have shed that day and done something that will make me feel good when I go back to bed that evening.

just do little things to nurture yourself until you can do more and bit by bit you will feel a bit better after each thing.

peri

[Abner]

Salade Nicoise sounds delightful.  I gave my two cats some goat pluck for dinner last night, they were very pleased about it afterwards; licking their faces and paws quite satisfied.  That's something that makes me feel better when I'm depressed.  Tomorrow I need to brush Bartok's furry tail, it has a fur knot at the moment.

[Arizona]

I had a shower and it was really hard. 

Tomorrow (today) I will call the medical clinic and make an appointment with a GP. And I will go to the chemist and pick up my antidepressants. And I will go to the supermarket and buy some food.

I'm going to watch a series about dogs now on Netflix. 

[Snowie]

Hi @Arizona 

It sounds like you are really pushing yourself to do some self care activities and look after yourself.

I hope you can get an appointment with your GP sooner rather then later.

Well done also on reaching out for help. That shows just how much strength and courage you have.

I hope today goes better for you 💗💗💗

[Arizona]

Hi @Snowie 

Thanks so much for your reply. I have a phone consultation with a doctor today, and he's my preferred doctor so I'm happy.