I'm in a nest

[CheerBear]

Here in the nest I sit taller this afternoon because I feel a tiny little bit of pride.

I did something very scary and went to an appointment that I felt I had no choice in attending. I then did something scary and left after waiting too long and reminded some health professionals that leaving a scared and anxious person in a cold sterile clinic that feels hostile is not a good thing for their mental health. I then did something that felt very hard and I worked through some very big feelings with a person I felt betrayed my trust last week. I did it because i know in my heart that this person also doesn't like the processes they have to work under and that it would have been very hard for them too. I did it so I can take a step towards trusting people again, because living in fear of everyone is not the way I want to live. And then we did something even scarier upon my suggestion and we called the boats in white and I spoke to them and asked for their help. Because being as broken as I am I know that even if it is not right now, I need a break because I am overwhelmed and exhausted and while it is far from ideal, this may be the only way I can get a break. I feel better now that I know this is my choice. I can walk in tomorrow and get to know what is out there and put forward on record with a suppirt person on my side, what will and won't be good for me. I do want to work with the supports that are there in a way that is right for me, because I need a net if I fall. My little fish need me to have a net if I fall. I'm not planning on falling, but if I do I don't want to be too scared of the net. Even though I absolutely totally believe that net still needs to be looked at, and probably always will, with a healthy degree of caution.

[Former-Member]

Well done @CheerBear. Really proud of you. That sounds like you have found an amazing inner strength to fight for you so you can fight for LFs too. Keep taking good care of you. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

That's great @CheerBear 👍💟💕🐻
You conquered your fear.
Let's hope that you don't fall, but yes, it's good to have a plan.
You might sleep better tonight and gain more strength.
Well done. 😊💗

[Former-Member]

I love the flowers @Former-Member 💜💕
Brings tears to my eyes. 😢
You are such a caring person.🌹🌸🌼🌻🌷🌺

You are too @CheerBear 💕
You bring cheer across the forums.
🌷🌺🌹🌼🌸🌻

[CheerBear]

Thank you @Former-Member and @Former-Member (and every other person who has stopped past). You're all very kind.

I've tried to be very careful about who and when I've tagged in to the nest, because the last thing I wanted to do was drown anyone in my hopelessness. One hiccup aside, which prompted me to seek support from bigger ocean creatures which was a good thing anyway, I feel like everything and every post you've person all said and made has been nothing but helpful and has 'hit the mark' as you said Teej. I truly mean it when I say that feeling heard and listened to and not alone is what matters hugely to me. If that comes in the form of someone sitting with tea, or 'liking' a post of mine, or sharing their own experience, or sending a care package or flowers, or a tool for coping (i did a rainbow walk today again teej - really need more purple), or venting alongside me, or trying to make sense of it all, or chatting about something else - it has and will be right for me. Being human matters. A space to be me and a space where others can be themselves however that comes.

So thank you all. You've all helped me weather a very big storm. And while there are still ripples or whirlpools, and even sometimes rainbows, it would be super helpful to be able to retreat to the nest. And if there are others here that's a bonus.

[outlander]

@CheerBear

[Shaz51]

That's great @CheerBear 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear That all sounds superly duperly positive and hopeful. You sound really empowered and like you are doing things on your terms. I don't know about you, but the empowered feeling is one of my favourite feelings (although of course that means that feeling disempowered is a super giant trigger). I am super looking forward to hearing the outcome of tomorrow's meeting. I super hope there is some good support available to you when you are actively seeking it. It sounds like you might sleep a little better tonight - I super hope so.

[CheerBear]

I really am tonight @Phoenix_Rising and that whole empowering/disempowering thing is huge for me too.

You've genuinely inspired me to be as me as I can be in a system that doesn't really like people like you and me very often. I am doing it while still maintaining that caution and wariness but I am doing it. I said that thing about the waiting and how damaging it is to do, not just for me but for you and for us all. The turtle in my pocket was a huge part of this fight today.

And I am about to share a highlight of the day in the hope that you get a bit of a giggle when you read it. Even if it is not so much the content than it is the fact I scooted around a supermarket taking photos of things and laughing out loud.

Hope you sleep well tonight

[CheerBear]

@outlander - your photos are up and they have made me smile a HUGE smile! Guess what I did today? I pinned a heap of photos, very similar to the fairy lights ones, on to a new board I have especially for the nest, when I am feeling jittery. Thank you for the smile and dropping them off here. The nest feels great 🙂