Over The Edge

[oceangirl]

Hi @Former-Member

I have not read back over the posts as yet.. I just wanted to check in and to say hello and to let you know I have been thinking of you. I am back from Hawaii....

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member @Maggie .... anyone else around .....

Our piano teacher quit unexpectedly yesterday. She took offended to the internal camera WH has set up in the front hall .... the piano is in an alconevofvtgd front hall .... and the camera is supposed to be security for the front door and the door to WH's office. Piano teacher thought it was taping her lessons without her knowledge or consent.

Piano was the only thing motivating S2 to get out of bed at the moment, that and online gaming ..... I haven't been able to tell him.

I have emailed the teacher, apologising ..... I didn't realise I hadn't told her the camera was there, and for what purpose .... have explained all that, and asked her to reconsider. In resigning she had said she is burnt out from overwork which is also impacting on her young family, so the camera helped her to make the decision to drop her private students .... keeping the ones she has through her work at a school.

I told WH the reason ..... but he is unable to understand that the camera would be a problem for her, and is assuming that she doesn't want to deal with S2 .... we told her a few weeks ago that he is struggling with an mi. His reaction is ocpd to a tee ..,...

S2 had only just said in family counselling that his worst fear at the moment is that he had compromised his relationship with the piano teacher by not engaging with oractice, and he was afraid of losing her ..... stating that he would give up piano if that happened, despite his personal goal to achieve that piano grades

Arghhhhh ....,
but it will pass .....

This will give cause to raise the camera at the next family counselling apt. He won't turn the cameras off when we are at home .... insists they are always on, and I hate it .....

[Former-Member]

Hello @Faith-and-Hope

Ahhh, that is a worry for S2, having his worse fear realised. He just can't give up the piano - a creative outlet is so important for him right now. It really does help anxiety etc. I have been thinking what I would say to S2 if he were my child in the same situation - I personally wouldn't tell him the whole reason (not mention the cameras in front of him as that may esculate his anxiety I would imagine and I would play that down ). I would relay to him that it had nothing to do with him but that the piano teacher was overworked and had to stop taking on extra private students - the half truth. He may still take it personally - keep reassuring it was not his fault. So important he knows this. I really feel for him, and you. Sounds like paranoia on WH's part I think - something that really does need to be raised at the counselling appt, but not in front of S2 if at all possible (not sure how it works). 

Is it possible to get a replacement piano teacher for S2 asap? I am not sure how he would take to this but it may help distract from what he may take as a rejection and keep his focus on his enjoyment of music. Maybe that will help ease the blow?

What would happen if you were to turn off the indoor security cameras when you are home? There has to be a compromise somewhere as it is having its effects on you too - but I do understand that you also don't want to inflame things. Hopefully the counsellor can guide here.

It will pass but I hope it does with as little pain for S2 and yourself as possible. Please keep us updated with how it turns out. Thinking of you and sending a big, warm hug my friend xxx

[Former-Member]

Hello @oceangirl - so good to hear from you!!! How was your trip to Hawaii (probably a silly question - could be nothing else but pure bliss in paradise 😄). Can't wait to hear all about it and welcome home ❤️xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

We can't challenge WH's reality @Former-Member .... we have to wait for the therapists to do that in their own time now. If I raise the cameras in therapy, it will be in front of S2, because the therapy is about him and in support of him, so nothing is supposed to be "behind his back".

As a part of his mi collapse S2 has developed an emotional attachment to his piano teacher,not in a negative sense, but because otherwise he would have shut her out. He doesn't feel able to start again with someone else.

Turning off the security cameras would instigate a firestorm from WH in some form or another, and we are just not in any shape to contend with that. We're in the hands of therapists now, who will also support S2 through this piano crisis if his teacher won't reconsider. The family therapist already told him he was being too extreme, making his continuation of piano dependent on the one teacher .....

The kids have issues with perfectionism, and ocpd traits because it's strong in WH's family, so part of the ongoing therapy will be in teaching the kids how to drive their personality for the greatest successful outcomes. This all still needs to be identified and confirmed in any case. It will take a lot of time yet to work it all out, and who needs what ...... and it will be better for us all in the long run. Just painful in this moment ......

[Former-Member]

Hi @Maggie

Haven't long been back from seeing my friend whom had kidney cancer surgery. So glad I did visit her - she is feeling quite low and was happy to see me. I have never seen her that low before. I will have to check up on her more regularly.

Oh wow, your garden sounds beautiful. Sounds like a lot of the plants I had when I lived on a rural property in a colder region (it did at worse reach -10 in the winter). Yes, pig face would struggle in such frosts - I have a pink one at the front of my letter box but it's not flowering at present. They are really something in full flower 😍 I will look forward to seeing how the garden grows over the following months - can't wait to see the pics. When matured it will be a vision to behold.

I use to have 200 roses out the front of my old rural property. What stopped me from nurturing this eventually was when a 6ft king brown decided to lay me a face to face visit when I was pruning them one summers day. That was that unfortunately. I still to this day cannot fathom how I was not bitten. Snakes were quite terrotorial in the rural area where we use to live - never come across that since thankfully. We use to get letterbox drops that would warn of "snake season" and what to watch out for and do if coming across one. Quite a experience.

My husband has been great. My pain is finally starting to ease - putting my feet up has reaped benefits now. You are always in my thoughts to @Maggie - so glad you are there. I still worry about my daughter a lot but at least she is at least more respectful with us now. That's something. I wish she would try and turn her life around and make something of it.....That would give me some peace. I just want her to be okay and meet people that will treat her better...

I hope your day ended up as good as the beginning. I am sitting up in my recliner with a hot water bottle at the moment. Hubby use to have a wheat bag until he nearly cooked it in the microwave one day. Hot water bottles safer territory whilst he is around lol 😂 Hugs 🤗 xxx

[Former-Member]

Hello dear @Faith-and-Hope

I thought it may instigate a firestorm in WH and can totally relate that you all wouldn't be up to that. It is best to be guided by the professionals here and I am so glad you have that avenue of support. WH has made an effort to pull back on his controlling behaviour before for the sake of S2 - so it's hopeful that he may make an effort where the cameras are concerned too as a result of further family counselling if he realises the detrimental effects on his son. Please let me know how you get on there as I will be thinking of you. 

I can remember those attachments with teachers when young and the pain when they left for whatever reason. It's not so much about the continuation of the piano for S2 but the perceived attention and nurture he was receiving and needing. I can relate. The best thing would be to replace and move onto another teacher, but S2 would see it as another possible rejection if he is anything like I was (and shut others out). A catch 22.  I hope she does reconsider....this would be so painful to watch as a mother my friend. Sending warm hugs and am always here for you. We will walk this path together and get through my friend and the sun will be there to greet us 💕🌹xxx

[oceangirl]

Hi again my beautiful friend @Former-Member 

I had a great time in Hawaii, and the time went too quick.

I really enjoyed the sunshine. We went on two tours while we where there and had nice dinners out every night. I also went up to the North Shore, where my friends own a cliff front house over looking Waimea Bay. We had a great day out and we did some shopping too. 

How are you- I hope you are finding more peace.

[Former-Member]

I can't think of anything better than looking down at the ocean from a cliff top home - I would find that so relaxing, especially shared in good company. Lovely @oceangirl - sounds like you had a dreamy time. You must be on a real high!!! So happy for you as you so deserve some happiness.

Hawaii is a magic place - and is a shoppers dream. I would be charged for excess freight if it were me no doubt 😚. Talking of sunshine, it is predicted to be a record high winters day of 26 degrees here tomorrow. Very unusual but the weather the last few days has been beautiful! Very conducive for healing (I am nursing some injuries from a fall I had 🤕). 

I am feeling more peaceful but the last couple of weeks has been hard for me. But the good news is that our dream home is back on the agenda and we should be exchanging contracts next week. This time it has to go through or I am going bush again lol! I have been assured it will so i am looking forward to this. What plans do you have for the next upcoming week?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you @Former-Member ..... ❣️

That all sounds wonderful @oceangirl ..... I am so glad you had a great time ..... 🤗💕