Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[Former-Member]

Sorry things are so hard for both of you. I am here listening and caring and wishing there was something I could say to help you both. Be really nice to yourselves so that you can take a deep breath and refocus. Do something nice and gentle for yourselves! A counsellor i once saw suggested even giving myself a manicure or taking time to rub hand cream on my hands and give them a gentle massage to show that I could care for myself. 🙂 what ever it is, or how small, care for yourselves coz you definitely matter and are important and valuable people,

LJ

[Jacques]

you are in my thoughts too my angel, you are so special to me, don't go anywhere, promise me!!!!

oh please don't mention the rooster, he started at 5:20am this morning!!!!!

Hange in their my angel, you are my best friend, i will always care about you.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

I'm not going anywhere J. I'm still holding your hand and sharing your sleeping bag. I won't let go l promise.
karen

thanks lj.

[hiddenite]

Oh J lm looking forward to our roast dinner. Yum chicken

good night j

[hiddenite]

Oops pressed post by accident.
Hope you have a peaceful wallk j.

The bird's are singing.

Maybe it will be sunny.


Have a great day
karen

[Jacques]

My Angel what are you doing up at 5am, you should have been resting, you have another big day.

i am so glad you hear the birds singing, their is no more beautiful sound in the world.

sorry i didn't walk today, i had a terrible night with restless leg syndrome, so not much sleep, but i feel ok this morning, so i must have got some sleep.

well i suppose you are getting the girls ready for school, i am so glad it is looking like it is sunny where you are, andi hope you find somewhere breath taking to spend the day. 

i will be online most of the day if you would like to talk or just sit with me.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

Well it's a sunny morning today and I'm going to force myself to go for a walk.

I had an awful night too, nightmares and involuntary muscle movements and anxiety.

My youngest had a huge meltdown last night streamlining punching and hitting me.

She told me I'm an awful mum and I don't know how to look after her.

She cried hysterically for over an hour. I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted.

Thinking of you J.

I have to take the girls to the psychologist today. More emotional stuff to deal with.

I hope you have a quiet day

Karen

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel,

i am so sorry you had such a tough night, you and i seem to have some terrible nights, don't we.

i am so sorry your little on had a meltdown, she sounds very scared and exhausted too, i think you and the girls are so emotionally charged, it has been a very difficult 2 years for you and the girls.  it is a shame you and the girls can't go for a bit of a holiday, something to break the routine.

i am here for you Karen, i know how triggering it is for you to go with the girls to their psychologist, speak to me for a bit of a debrief if you like, get some things off your chest, you all sound like you have been internalising your emotions, sometimes an outburst is what we need.  i am sure she was just venting, getting the emotions out.

Karen you and the girls have been though so much, it is going to take time, you can't expect for it to change over night, i know i have been trying to proccess my trauma for over 14 years, i still have not found a suitable solution.

hang in their Karen, i am here if you need me.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hey Jacques

Thanks it's going to be another tough day.

My youngest sure knows how to vent.

Where I internalize my emotions. It's just hurts to have such aggression directed at me, I will never get use to it.

I walked a couple of km today try to stay grounded.

J you know I'm here for you if ever you need.

Take care

Karen 

[Jacques]

Karen i am so proud of you, you know it is another tough day and you are preparing for it with a walk, good on you, try not to take what they have to say as an attack on you, it is what the girls think and feel, when someone is hurting they direct the anger at the person closest to them, i know i have done that to my parents when i was younger, i said some hurtful and nasty things to them i didn't mean, i regret it now, but at the time i just needed to take it out on someone.

It is good your youngest is getting it all out, it is not good to internalise it, it magnifies the hurt and anger, believe me i know i am internalising all my hurt and anger, then i explode from some small event, it is not good.  it is good she is letting it out as the emotions come, i know it is hurtful for you, and you should never get used to it, but she needs to vent, she needs to release the hurt and anger.  she sounds very confused and frustrated.

Rememeber the girls are taking it out on the person closest to them, it is a human trait.

Hang in their Karen, over time your girls will adjust, get back to a normal state of mind, it is incredable how resilliant children can be, they are young, with treatment they can get past the hurt and anger and become well adjusted women.  just give it time......

remember your sensory box and mindfulness techniques, i will be here if you need to talk after the girls session with the psychologist.