Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[hiddenite]

So pathetic not to be able to get out of the car.

[Former-Member]

Your girls are so young, and they are yet to truly understand the situation (and right now, they have no need to) they just need to know that they are loved and will continue to be loved no matter what. They will heal. Keep looking up, there is light at the top of the hole, and you can get back there. don't give up, keep fighting that horror of a man who made you feel like this,

LJ

[Former-Member]

Hi @hiddenite, as a parent I can relate to your pain.  When we hear that our kids are hurting, how else can we feel ourselves?  When this happens it can be tempting to start viewing ourselves as a burden.  Something that only contributes to their pain.  Someone they would be better off without.  This is rarely actually true. 

They may suffer at times as a result of our own pain and the things that go wrong in our own lives.  But we are still the solution to that pain.  It's one of the crazy things about parenting.  We hurt them inadvertently, because we're too tired, overwhelmed, hurting ourselves, unable to cope etc etc etc.  But we are still the person they need to take away that hurt.  Just by being present.  And doing the best we can.  Showing them that we are trying and that we still love them.

You don't feel as if you have options.  But maybe, just maybe, you can try to hush the shameful thoughts for a little bit and be with them.  Those feelings will still be there later.  But you'll feel a little bit better about yourself for having spent time with your girls.  A little bit stronger in dealing with the guilt.

@hiddenite if that feels too hard, please use those crisis numbers you've been given in the past.  Your girls still need you when you feel strong enough.

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Former-Member

Thanks d

For that. I forget what you wrote. 

I've personally used kids help line and they linked in for me youngest son to get some free councelling. 

It was amazing so positive. 

[hiddenite]

How does someone manage being abused since they were 17. Now I can't manage a simple trip to the supermarket.
Stupid, pathetic waste of space, ashamed and humiliated.

[Jacques]

@hiddenitemy angel, what do you mean you can't handle a trip to the super market, did something happen?  you have been through prolonged tumatic experiances, i would say your situation would be up their wit hthe treatment of the Jews in Aushwitz, or other concentration camps, where prolonged suffering took place, most of them after that traumatic experince have managed over time to rebuild their lives, Karen your situation is no different, you have been made to feel less of a person by your husband and parents, the words you call yourself is a way of hurting yourself like your family does, their is help out their if you seek it out, i know you have been let down many times, but Karen you need to pick yourself up and seek someone else.

You are lucky enough to have private health cover, take advantage of it, it would be good for you, and the girls.

Karen you are kind and caring, never forget that, i see you as a woman whom has been let down by family and society, i feel the same as you Karen, but we need to start to retrain ourselves to use positive language.  Karen you have always been told you are nothing, now you believe it, right? so if you start telling yourself you are a strong, kind and caring woman, it stands to reason that over time you will believe this to, doesn't it?

Karen you will not get better instantly, it will take time to recover from your trauma, your tourcher, but it can happen if you want it.

sorry this is so long, but i feel i have let you down, by not giving you the right words to free yourself from your past.

Hang in their my angel,  in time their will be less pain and hurt

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hey Jacques

its not your responsibility to make me better that my friend is my journey if I choose to take it.

As there is nothing I can say that will make your situation any different. I wish I had the words to make everything ok for you J.
You know that is your journey and only you can choose a different path. Doesn't make it any easier.
But you know I am right beside you whatever path you choose to take......unconditionally. ...

I hope im making sense really scattered today.

I wish you only the very best I know one day you will find your freedom. Probably when you least expect it.

like your uncle giving you a car to help out.
you went on holidays for the first time in many years.

I have faith in you my friend there are no solutions for me.

take care
karen

[Jacques]

Karen i can see that what i say is hippocritical because i don't see my situation any different as you see yours, of course you are making sense, please don't say their is no solutions, of course their are solutions, for you, me and everyone else, all we need to do is look for them, seek them out. alright it may not be perfect, but it will change over time if you let it.

Please think of your little girls before you do anything rash, i am worried about you, your language today has changed sugnifficanly from the last few days.

if you would like to focus on something else, how about telling me how the costumes are going?  any thoughts about a change of scenery?

I know you are really struggling today my friend, hang in their, i am here if you need me.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Yep sorry cold turkey for me. I don't do anything easily.

Went to the gp today safety awful I told him and he said try not to think about it.!!!!!!!!
Now what. No words. ....
ive seen this gp for 10 years and thats the best he can do..... so distressed. Scared to get the girls.
that man might be there.

[Jacques]

Oh Karen,

Maybe it is time you seek out a new doctor, sometimes they become too comfortable wit hour situations, i know my old doctor become too apathetic to my way of living, he retired but when i do find a new doctor i hope they see things in a different light.

Karen please don't be scared to ge tthe girls, he probably will not be their and if he is , he will not even have remembered this mornings incident.  you are safe, he will not hurt you, i know you can do it.

Karen be proud of the fact you made it to the GP, you will make it to get the girls.  remember focus on the present not the future. mindfullness.

i am with you every step of the way