Lived Experience Forum

[LonePhoenix]

Today I have two problems I want to talk about. The other day, I decided to have another browse for therapists. I found one that seems promising, they stated explicitly on their site that they work with DID and have lived experience with overcoming trauma. And they don't require a GP referral. However, they only do virtual sessions.

Being overheard is a big concern for many alters in our system. I suspect this is partially trauma-related (from being taught that they have to keep the trauma a secret). They'd only feel comfortable if we had a completely private space to talk with the therapist. So having the sessions at home in our study isn't really an option, as we aren't home alone very often.

I would be fine with having the sessions in the car with my laptop. But I'm concerned about how I could keep the car cool for a whole hour, unfortunately I don't keep it in a garage, and there aren't many shaded areas nearby where I could park it.

I feel like I wouldn't easily find another therapist who openly states they work with DID and has lived experience. I really need someone who's knowledgeable. It's really frustrating that I don't know where any of these DID and complex trauma therapists are or how to find them. I guess my only option is to just keep emailing people and hope I get lucky and one of them has good connections??? 

CW: hypnosis, paranoid thoughts

Content/trigger warning

And it doesn't help that we have a trauma-stuck alter who believes we're on a time limit for healing. He's paranoid that the abuser might return one day and hurt us, using hypnosis and the behaviours that have been instilled into us through conditioning. Using this, he could force us to do things. I know this would sound really far-fetched to people who are unaware this type of abuse exists.

And there is another alter who thinks it could be too unsafe to disclose to therapists that we think we were hypnotised, because if they aren't good people, they could exploit it. Or they could even be connected to abuser groups, and actively work to prevent us from breaking free.

But from my perspective, it's just as, if not more, unsafe to do nothing and not investigate this potential trauma with a therapist. Having all these conflicting opinions all the time is seriously exhausting. I have to negotiate and work to make sure everyone is happy.

And now that I think about it, I feel like video therapy would be much safer for these alters, as there is far less risk and very low chance the therapist could hurt us over video. All the more reason I have to work out a solution to the privacy problem to make video sessions work for us.

[NatureLover]

Oh gosh, @LonePhoenix , it seems vital that you can work out a private place to give this therapist a go, they sound great...

Can you drive to a public park and go under the shade of a tree? Might not work in winter...

I reckon in the car with the laptop sounds best...what about parking the car in an underground shopping centre carpark? (If you have one near you)
Or driving around till you do find a shady place to park? 

Good luck... 🤞

[LonePhoenix]

Thanks @NatureLover 😊

I've scheduled a session. I thought it through now that I'm feeling calmer, and I'm certain I can make it work in my car.

Here's hoping that I actually get somewhere this time. 😅

[NatureLover]

Oh good, @LonePhoenix  👍

Good wishes for your first appt with this therapist! 

[Porcini]

@LonePhoenix It's hard to reach consensus when alters feel so strongly. They're only trying to protect you, so I'm glad you're working with them instead of against them

The car laptop idea sounds great. Maybe you can even find a place with free wifi.

Good luck to you all!