Changing meds

[BPDSurvivor]

Believe it or not @WIP , as much as you feel I am supporting you, you are actually supporting me. These forums are an outlet for me. I am reminded of how far I've come in my mental health journey, and it is my desire to support others because I appreciate the challenges mental health brings.

I struggled to find support for my BPD because I was so 'normal' on the outside, yet nobody saw the agony I was in internally. Therapists brushed over me and I thought I should 'just get over it'. Eventually after moving states, I found a specialised treatment service. It was my last resort. It was hard and grueling, but I stuck to it. 

I'm amongst an elite, professional society whereby mental health talk is a taboo. It's sad, and many do not understand mental health until it hits somewhere close to home. These forums allow me to talk about and be who I really am - mental health is not a respecter of persons - it can affect anybody, just differently.

So, @WIP , thank you reaching out in these forums. It encourages me to go on no matter how dark things may seem. There is light... Just need to wait for it.

Take care,

BPDSurvivor

[WIP]

Hi @BPDSurvivor 

I hope you are feeling better this week?

How's work going, are you still doing the school run?

I don't have a specialist appointment tomorrow, but it's the day I get to bump up the medication dose. It'll be 2 weeks tomorrow that I've been on the new medication. I was hoping I'd have a hint of improvement by now, but unfortunately not ☹️ Still very unstable, crying a lot of the day and just an overwhelming feeling of deep sadness & hopelessness. I know the environment of lockdown isn't helping things either. I may be doing better if I could be involved in volunteering or something. Loneliness is really taking a big toll.

 I found a local psychologist who practices Schema Therapy (a type of therapy recommended to me), and I built up the courage to email her clinic this afternoon. Haven't heard anything back yet, so will call tomorrow if I still dont hear.  Hopefully she's taking on new clients 🤞

Take care,

WIP x

[BPDSurvivor]

@WIP  So good to hear from you!

Work is still keeping me in check. I need to be online regularly to meet. Although I live on my own, I'm happy for the break away from meetings, kids, people!

Sounds like the meds are still giving you trouble. Why did you get off them the first time? Purely because of the side effects?

I'm still navigating turbulent waters at the moment, however, I think the waves are subsiding. I have been really upset and angry for a number of days, and I guess I can be proud of myself that I reached out to face the issue head on rather than avoid the situation and shut down. I feel much better for it, and hopefully my sleep patterns will become better. When things are bad, I always try to tell myself that I NEED to do something differently. It's hard, but I know I have to be cruel to be kind.

@WIP , has Levi grown? Do you have another pic? I love dogs so much.

Take Care,

BPDSurvivor

[NatureLover]

Hi @WIP , thinking of you... Well done for emailing the Schema Therapy psychologist's clinic. I hope she is taking new clients.

That's good you can bump up the med dose today. I hope you begin to notice a difference soon...

[WIP]

Hi @BPDSurvivor 

So nice to hear from you 😊

I'm sorry to hear you're still battling a little,  but you sound as though you're coming out the other side after reaching out to handle it head on. You certainly have good self awareness that you can tell yourself and also act on it, by doing things differently. I hope you continue to improve over the coming days - good sleep will definitely help.

I've been on medication for many, many years. At the start of the year, we switched from a SSRI to SRNI. After not much improvement, I asked for a change in treatment and this psychiatrist suggested MAOI - & as you know, it totally didn't agree with me. So, I've gone back onto a SSRI that I was on a long time ago. Having treatment resistant major depression, it will most likely have to be augmented with another medication. It's just not strong enough on its own. I'm already worrying what this psychiatrist is going to suggest, as he totally stuffed me up last year by taking me off one augmentation (that was working sort of ok) and replacing it with high dose antipsychotic. To be fair, he did this when I was in hospital and not in a very good state at all. I'd lost my Dad and had been made redundant at work, and was crying all day everyday. My previous psychiatrist was retiring and I was in limbo a bit regarding Heath professionals. That was my first go at ECT. I was in such a bad way, I didn't make an educated decision on ECT or question the med changes. I know now to research everything he suggests before committing to changes. 

I need help from psychotherapy too, not just medication. But it's difficult finding a good psychologist. I emailed one y'day, on recommendation of trying Schema Therapy, but she's not taking on new clients. I'm finding that's the case with any of the good ones atm.

Here's little Levi after he stole and chewed a hole in my 2nd pair of slippers for the winter.  He's a slipper thief! @BPDSurvivor

[WIP]

Hi @NatureLover 

How are you going?

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I get to increase the medication today, so fingers crossed I start to notice a change. I'm trying to be hopeful 🤞

I heard back and the psychologist is booked for the next month and not taking any new clients. 😢 I did some more research last night and found a couple more who practice Schema Therapy, so will contact them today. They aren't local, but video will be ok - particularly in the current circumstances. I'll check that they would continue with video sessions after lockdown. Im

going to need ongoing therapy - I'm not a

quick fix Unfortunatley.....

Enjoy your day @NatureLover 

[NatureLover]

Well done for trying to be hopeful, @WIP  - I know how hard it is. 

I'm sorry that psychologist you picked isn't taking new clients. That's good that you found a couple more...hopefully the Telehealth will be OK long-term. Let us know how that goes...

Thinking of you today.

[NatureLover]

Hi @WIP , any developments on finding a psychologist who practises Schema Therapy?

I hope you are managing today...thinking of you...

[WIP]

Hi @NatureLover . How are you? Nice to hear from you.

I've managed a little better today - only in tears once!

Having trouble finding a psychologist available who practices schema therapy. Another 2 today got back to me with no availability until October.

I have the names of another 2, who I just wasn't up to contacting today. Will try them tomorrow.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @WIP !

 Thanks for the photo of Levi! He looks so innocent there, even after stealing your slipper!

 Beautiful sunshine here in Melbourne. You got any plans?

I'm so glad it's Friday! Working from home is a lot of work.

Looking forward to hearing from you WIP!

BPDSurvivor